I really wish colleagues would observe better digital etiquette

[LadyJaye]

Light-hearted shouty rant.

I've been working remotely for a lot of years now, and I enjoy it. I work in IT at director level, so have been using platforms such as Slack and so on for forever - absolutely no problem there.

However, I'm starting to get really pissed off with colleagues who just don't seem to be able to 'read the room' with regards to digital etiquette - most commonly, those who haven't really worked remotely for long periods of time before. The absolute worst offenders are immediate peers, so it's a bit more difficult to tell them to fuck off.

If I change my status to 'Do Not Disturb', for example, it means just that! I don't do it very often, but if I need to get my head down and crack on, then LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE and I will get back to you when I'm ready.

Also, people who send messages as though they're channelling their inner James Joyce:

'Hi LadyJaye'

'How are you?'

'Hope you had a good weekend.'

'Anyway, just wanted to ask you about...'

JUST STOP, THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY, AND THEN SEND ME ONE FUCKING MESSAGE. JUST THE ONE.

And don't get me started on unscheduled Teams/Zoom calls...

One of the many, many reasons that I switched to almost 100% remote work was that I couldn't be doing with people, in an open office environment, stopping off at my desk 'for a chat'. Now it seems that even that last bastion of defence has been stripped away...

Are some people lacking in (the admittedly more complex) boundaries surrounding digital communications, or do they just not think?

People who grew up with MSN are millennials right? I’m 23, so gen z & don’t send long messages, nor do I send things line by line. I just get to the point with a concise/effective singular message. I guess “I grew up with Twitter”

Do not disturb is a setting in your software not to disturb you, if you are still disturbed either your software is failing, or you're failing to use it - ie still checking every message even though you don't want to. Asynchronous messaging systems are asynchronous, someone is not wrong to send a message whenever.

Good etiquette is making others feel comfortable, just as much as those pleasantries at the start of a chat are a horrendous waste of time, the good etiquette thing to do is to let the person do them, and put them at ease.

Perhaps you wish to give consideration that if your staff (and you've indicated more than one), feel they need to 'build up' to a conversation with you then it may not be their lack of 'digital etiquette' rather you could be perceived as being unapproachable, unintentional it may be, however worth considering?

Sounds like you have been working remotely for too long and have lost the ability to engage with people. You can't even handle it if someone calls you without an appointment? Seriously?!

My old boss used to do the hard return and takes ages to get to the point so I get that. If someone's status is Red id send anyway with an assumption I'm not going to get an immediate response.

My new boss' Teams calendar is linked to his Outlook one so is usually at red these days as he has lots of meetings planned but they don't necessarily mean he has to participate in them. He's generally quite happy to be on a call but be able to respond to things too. If his DND sign is on I assume he's sharing his screen to present something rather than he doesn't want anyone contacting him.

FFS. I barely use chat as I hate it and have only recently got to grips with it

Sometimes I hit hard return without thinking so my message arrives in sections.. Tough really, I wouldn't get be a monkeys if it irritates you because your irritation is completely unreasonable in this instance. As to the DND, yes that is more something you have a point about and I would definitely avoid sending a message if I noticed the DND. However I'd also ignore anything sent to me while my DND was on so wouldn't myself get worked up about a message coming through if I had DND on. I just see the DND as a way of telling people I won't even look at what they send until I have switched my DND off.

YANBU. I signed out of Teams the week before last because I kept being interrupted by inane questions. I was going to be rude to the next person wanting to 'borrow me for 2 minutes' so I turned it off and actually got on with my work. Unless it's an emergency like a product stuck in customs somewhere or an unannounced audit, then send me an email and I'll get to you when I've responded to everyone else. Also, use your initiative and make a decision. I really do not care whether you include x or y person in a review.

To be fair, I have quite a young, inexperienced team and I'm usually very patient but I'd had enough that week.

Self importance, the serpents tooth.

I don’t disagree with you, OP. But. As you’ve observed, there are two kinds of people. If I steam straight in with a question to the kind who like to make some small talk first, they will decide that I’m cold and demanding, and they won’t go out of their way to help me. If I fanny about with how are you how is your weekend first, they’ll think I’m nice and put themselves out for me. In extreme cases, these people can actually complain about you being unapproachable, so it’s worth keeping them sweet.
If I unleash small talk on those who find it irritating, they’ll be irritated but it probably won’t make any difference to how they respond. They’re very unlikely to moan at anyone that I’m an unprofessional time-waster, and even if they do anyone who has met me would just think they’re nuts.

I also agree that unsolicited calls are unnecessary and rude when it takes 30 seconds to type “have you got two minutes for a call?” And I agree that people should use and respect statuses. For me, “available” means “free for social chit chat”. “Busy” means “free for quick important work question” and DND means “leave me the fuck alone”. I would only email someone if they were in DND, not call or message.

Omg yes! It seems unnecessarily formal for a colleague to start a convo:

Hi Luna > pause
How are you? > pause
I hope you’re well > pause

Aaaghh! Just get to the point! When I see the message button light up, I have to stop what I’m doing, respond to the pleasantries before they actually say what they want. It’s so bloody time consuming!

It was immediately obvious that you work in IT. The people skills of an alien nation. I hope your IT skills are better. In my experience, most IT people are useless, unhelpful and entirely without people skills.

I'd probably really annoy you. My messages all go through as separate messages because I always press full stop and return.

Mind you I also use full stops at the end of texts so I probably piss all the millennials off.

But I wasn't aware that there are Rules around digital communications.

Can I add:

Hi X
How r u?
And then nothing.

Firstly, you don't care how I am so just tell me what you want and save time for both of us. Secondly, it's four extra letters to type the full words - I hate text speak with a passion so you've wound me up twice in that one sentence.

Those who think we're being rude don't appreciate how much these messages can interrupt you. I'm busy and constant distractions make me much less efficient - especially when you take ages to get to the point. Fine if you've got an urgent question, but otherwise I'd rather an email so I can respond in my own time rather than interrupting myself.

And I work in finance, so not just IT people.

I just really dislike teams (IM in general for work purposes) and would rather no one contacted me there unless it really is a quick question or my teams group chat is quite good and useful. I hate when people give me actionable things in teams as I feel like I have to do it straight away or I’ll forget as all my other tasks are tracked by emails (zero inbox rule) or spreadsheets (yawn)

I also sigh and take a deep breath anyone tries to call me or teams call me - I’d far rather do everything by email but realise that’s not a popular opinion. I worked in calls centre for years though so I’m very very fed up of phone calls in general!

Oh wow so someone asking you how you are is an inconvenience now?!
Blimey - glad l don't have to deal with people like that at work!

@LadyJaye completely unrelated to your original post but could you let me know a platform which has 100% work from home type jobs? I don’t like the whole office culture of fake niceties, fake conversations etc. Would rather just get on with my role so really keen to look for work from home options.

Oh god, yes.

Also people who ask the question and as I'm halfway through typing my answer start typing again so I have to pause and wait for some inane unnecessary further comment.

[quote QuietBatPeople1]@LadyJaye completely unrelated to your original post but could you let me know a platform which has 100% work from home type jobs? I don’t like the whole office culture of fake niceties, fake conversations etc. Would rather just get on with my role so really keen to look for work from home options.[/quote]
IT -Director level in her OP.

Software company here.

Why dont you just shut the programs? If I'm busy and I need to crack on I dont have teams or zoom or outlook open and my phone is away in the bag. off the grid style digital style or just ignore the messages if your busy.
Then when I have time I open these things and reply as needed.

When I set my Teams to dnd, I don’t get any notifications (except from those I have specified can message me anytime, such as various members of my immediate team). You need to sort your settings out.

I also message people with a ‘hello, do you have a minute?’ whether they’re ‘busy’ ‘on a call’ or ‘available’. As sometimes they have and sometimes they don’t. I’m happy for either response but feel it’s polite to ask. Just as I would if I walked up to their desk.

I’m often in Teams meetings that don’t require my absolute full attention so can sometimes answer a quick query. It makes for an efficient day in my opinion.
And just like a phone call, an IM is not a demand for attention, it’s a request. It takes no time at all to respond with ‘just in the middle of something, I’ll get back to you’ or ‘busy right now, email me’ or similar. Just plain courtesy really.

@Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin

Oh wow so someone asking you how you are is an inconvenience now?! Blimey - glad l don't have to deal with people like that at work!

But mostly they don't give a shit how you are. They're clicking on macros to script and opening into asking for something that they've been told to use a different route for.

Have you ever worked in technical databases or business support?

People who have no thought for others they work with will exist regardless of whether it is face to face or not. Those who have something 'urgent' because they lack any planning skills, those who are never on time, those who use exaggerated language, for example.

OP YANBU for your rant.

YABU OP
You sound very stand-offish and unfriendly. A few social niceties can help most situations

BTW I work in IT too and the majority of my colleagues are friendly and approachable