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Original poster

How do I ask my OH to pay me back?

120 replies

NeedATan · 29/03/2021 17:49

I have been with my OH for two years. We live apart for a number of reasons and see each other at weekends and during holidays. We are happy together. A number of times we have borrowed cash off each other (between £20 and £100) to pay for unexpected stuff if we had no cash (or not enough cash) on ourselves. We have always paid each other back within a week or two. No issues whatsoever.

A month or so ago I ordered some boots he wanted to get for his brother for his birthday. He doesn't have an Amazon account so I offered to order them on his behalf (they cost around £150) and to have them sent directly to him, my OH. The boots arrived, his brother liked them, all good.

However my OH has since forgotten to pay me back - to be honest, until this morning I had forgotten all about the money myself. Because we only see each other at weekends, unless we remember then, another week will pass by before we can pay each other back. And the longer we forget, the less likely we'll remember. So how can I gently remind my OH about this money? Neither of us is hard up but £150 is still quite a bit of money for both of us so I'm keen not to 'write it off.' Any ideas? Thank you.

OP posts:
dontgobaconmyheart · 29/03/2021 20:10

Hounding someone at a cash point is very odd behaviour, just ask him OP. I don't get why he coul8just have joined amazon for free himself and ordered them. Switch to digital money transferrals in the future quicker, easier and more hygienic in a pandemic.

I'd literally just text (or say if we happened to be on the phone) "By the way, I just remembered you never paid me back for those boots, would you mind sending it over"

There's nothing odd about asking that at all, I wouldn't even think about it and have done similar many times.

Chloemol · 29/03/2021 20:13

Just ask him

Howshouldibehave · 29/03/2021 20:18

@NeedATan

We have always paid each other back in cash, just like the 'loan' was in cash to start with.

Is it not horribly rude to ask your OH for money back outright?

Horribly rude?

Erm, no. It’s just having part of a dialogue. You are really making a mountain out of a molehill here and there is no need!

WaterBottle123 · 29/03/2021 20:19

Bizarre thread! Also who uses cash anymore?

4amWitchingHour · 29/03/2021 20:20

@NeedATan

We have always paid each other back in cash, just like the 'loan' was in cash to start with.

Is it not horribly rude to ask your OH for money back outright?

What?? No of course it's not rude!!
Topseyt · 29/03/2021 21:32

Just ask him. While you are at it, ask him why he was so rude as to assume that he didn't need to repay you in the first place?

NotATomato · 29/03/2021 21:53

Just ask him. How can you be with someone and not have basic communication?

FruitLoopzz · 29/03/2021 21:54

Never be shy or embarrassed or feel like it’s rude to ask for YOUR money back from someone.

NiceGerbil · 29/03/2021 21:57

OP where have you gone?

Why are you so reluctant to be straightforward?

partyatthepalace · 29/03/2021 22:23

Op just remind to transfer you the money - why do you need to wait till you happen to be by a cash point. You are making a simple thing very complex Confused

Fraggle40 · 29/03/2021 22:29

@Gruntwork

'Oi, dickhead, where's my £150?'
Haha this would be me
BoomTastic1 · 29/03/2021 22:47

'Its been 3 weeks and we keep forgetting about the 150 for the boots, doh! Could you pay me back this weekend? Ta!'

Then think carefully about not lending him bigger sums in hope he will remember when walking past a cash machine and offer to show him how to register for online banking.

NotMyPremium · 29/03/2021 22:50

If you cannot communicate something this simple between you, then it's not a great relationship is it.

Also, you can add his card to your Amazon account so in future you can choose where it's paid from. DP and I have done this as I have an account and he doesn't so when he wants something I can just use my account and his card.

LudoBear · 30/03/2021 07:56

@TokyoSushi

He's maybe the first person I've heard of to not have an Amazon account! Why do you have to wait until the next week for payment? Surely he can just transfer it through?

Bright and breezy 'Hey, I've just realised that we didn't sort out the money for your brothers boots, please can you send it through?' surely he'll just reply 'oh yeah, forgot about that, I'll send it through now'

I'll be your second person. I don't have an amazon account.
Sceptre86 · 30/03/2021 08:15

I'm married and if I lend him money I just ask and make sure I get it. Ig you feel you can't ask I don't think rhe relationship is going anywhere.

SunIsComing · 30/03/2021 09:04

Ask him to do a bank transfer. Who has cash at the moment!

BlackCatShadow · 30/03/2021 09:12

@NotMyPremium

If you cannot communicate something this simple between you, then it's not a great relationship is it.

Also, you can add his card to your Amazon account so in future you can choose where it's paid from. DP and I have done this as I have an account and he doesn't so when he wants something I can just use my account and his card.

Setting up an Amazon account is really easy. I'd just let him set up his own account to use in the future. Much less cause for confusion.
Crappyfridays7 · 30/03/2021 09:19

How ridiculous just say hey remember you’ve still to pay me back for the boots in case you’ve forgotten. Handy at end of month/payday if he gets paid then.

My boyfriend lent me £120 to cover a standing order that went out today and I don’t get paid till tomorrow. I will return it to him tomorrow without being asked. If someone does you a favour then you should make sure you repay them without being asked imo. It’s quite rude to have to chase it up!! And he transferred it to me and I transfer back none of this cash nonsense what is the point of that? I’d just need to go and pay in to my account which is a faff.

I would avoid lending him again though, if he so easily forgets £150 it’s not a small amount of money.

dreamingbohemian · 30/03/2021 09:26

OP why do you think it's rude to ask for your money?

If you got this idea from OH that's a HUGE red flag

DoubleTweenQueen · 30/03/2021 09:31

He is extremely rude for:
Not simply placing the order himself
Expecting you to order and pay on his behalf
Not reimbursing you at the earliest opportunity
Forgetting to reimburse you

BarbaraofSeville · 30/03/2021 09:35

FGS. Just text him your bank details and ask him to put the money in as it's the end of the month and you need to balance all your accounts.

Does anyone actually use cash any more for these sorts of amounts? I usually keep £10/20 of cash because I can't bring myself to put a couple of quid or less on a card in a small shop but it takes me months to use it.

Lbnc2021 · 30/03/2021 09:40

What happens if you actually have a real problem with him? I never understand people on here sometimes. Just say to him I need that money back.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 30/03/2021 10:04

Its rude not to pay someone back
Not rude to ask.

dontsaveusername · 30/03/2021 10:32

@NeedATan

We have always paid each other back in cash, just like the 'loan' was in cash to start with.

Is it not horribly rude to ask your OH for money back outright?

Only if it's rude to ask to borrow money in the first place
NotMyPremium · 30/03/2021 17:35

"Setting up an Amazon account is really easy. I'd just let him set up his own account to use in the future. Much less cause for confusion."

What confusion. Not seeing an issue with having 1 Amazon account and different payment cards on there.