How do I ask my OH to pay me back?

[NeedATan]

I have been with my OH for two years. We live apart for a number of reasons and see each other at weekends and during holidays. We are happy together. A number of times we have borrowed cash off each other (between £20 and £100) to pay for unexpected stuff if we had no cash (or not enough cash) on ourselves. We have always paid each other back within a week or two. No issues whatsoever.

A month or so ago I ordered some boots he wanted to get for his brother for his birthday. He doesn't have an Amazon account so I offered to order them on his behalf (they cost around £150) and to have them sent directly to him, my OH. The boots arrived, his brother liked them, all good.

However my OH has since forgotten to pay me back - to be honest, until this morning I had forgotten all about the money myself. Because we only see each other at weekends, unless we remember then, another week will pass by before we can pay each other back. And the longer we forget, the less likely we'll remember. So how can I gently remind my OH about this money? Neither of us is hard up but £150 is still quite a bit of money for both of us so I'm keen not to 'write it off.' Any ideas? Thank you.

If youre talking to him about this what else are you both not talking about?

I assume he isn't trying to use you, he's just forgotten it. I would just ask.

In the future he can order from Amazon himself. An account isn’t a anything more than a name and address and a linked credit card.

Only on MN do I come across ppl who won’t speak to a partner about all manner of things, you have sex and share a life why can’t you ask a simple question?
There’s nothing I wouldn’t/couldn’t say to my DP.

Massively overthinking OP. I’d text my husband and say ‘don’t forget you owe me £150’ and that would be the end of it.

There’s something rotten in the state of Denmark if you can’t just ask him. He could be a chancer who knows fine well he’s not paid you back yet.

I think you’ll find he didn’t have the money to start with and is waiting until payday to pay you. Which will leave him short at the end of the month and he will end up having to ask you to pay for something else as he’s overstretched himself....

Perhaps don’t lend each other money in future. Problem solved. Just be all “sorry babe I’ve no spare cash this month” if he asks.

In the time you've written and read this thread you could have texted him and he could have transferred it by PayPal or bank transfer. Or confirmed he's bringing cash.
I'm concerned he is the one who always borrows from you, but you played that down in your OP.

I order takeaways on line but my DP pays me for them in cash. I'm always reminding him to give it to me. Not rude at all.

(Also don't live with mine and we have been together 2 years).

You’re clearly confident he has the money in cash and clearly he’s fairly generous to spend £150 on his brother so just remind him

Just ask him to transfer the money he owes you.

How can you have been with him for two years and not be able to say that?

You think it's rude to ask for £150 back? Ffs. He's bloody rude for not paying back asap. Just tell him and stop being so ridiculous.

As PP said, he could easily have set up an Amazon account.

Another one slightly baffled. For anything under about £50 we don't bother transferring back (we have a joint account for bills but other cash seperate, but will take the other's card etc if it's to hand), but if it was over £100 it'd leave one of us at risk of being short for a bill or something so we'd just say 'can you send it me back?'.

No need to be gentle.

Also, presumably the original loan wasn't in cash as you bought something on Amazon, that bit made no sense to me... Does he/you not have online banking? Why always cash? Not that there's anything wrong with it, just seems unusual-ish these days, I don't know anyone who carries a significant amount of cash (unless they get paid in cash).

"Hey, I was just on Amazon and remembered you haven't given the money for your brothers boots. Can you transfer it over? Thanks"

Just text him now and remind him to pull the cash out on his way to see you next time.

Even my 13 yr old DD was able to figure out how to order something from Amazon

Is it not horribly rude to ask your OH for money back outright?

Ffs, sometimes I think my head will explode. Of course it's not rude. What IS rude is that your boyfriend "forgot" to pay you back. Honestly, if you have this hard a time communicating with each other just end it now.

I find it odd how he didn’t just transfer the money at the time. Me and my partner do this, I usually end up ordering online or paying for the food shop but as soon as we’re home or before I order he’ll transfer the correct amount to me. He’s been a bit presumptuous expecting you to pay £150 with no mention of compensating you back. I’d just text and say hey, doing some admin and noticed you didn’t transfer the £150 for the boots, can you transfer this over please? And next time don’t be so foolish and ask for the money to start with or keep a note to follow up on payday

@NeedATan

As a side note if you've been together 2 years and live apart and only meet at weekends and holidays it's very convenient for him!

Don't let him walk all over you he clearly isn't committed to you - that's a very strange set up

And just ask him for he bloody money before you bin the weekend cock lodger.

Why don’t you ask if his brother liked his boots? Might jog his memory!

@Wigglegiggle0520

I can’t see the money for your brothers boots in my account. Did you transfer it?

This is perfect by text.

After 2 years you should be comfortable enough to ask for your money back really... I’d understand feeling awkward after 2 months but 2 years is a long term relationship.

You have sex with someone but can’t ask them to transfer money? Odd.

Why are you so worried about asking for the money back.
Is this the first time you've had to ask or it a usual occurance.

£150 is a lot,text sending your bank details,save the embarrassment of having to ask him face to face.
Cause if you can't send a text you have no chance of asking him face to face.

Cashpoint suggestion is beyond weird. Just ASK!