How do I ask my OH to pay me back?

[NeedATan]

I have been with my OH for two years. We live apart for a number of reasons and see each other at weekends and during holidays. We are happy together. A number of times we have borrowed cash off each other (between £20 and £100) to pay for unexpected stuff if we had no cash (or not enough cash) on ourselves. We have always paid each other back within a week or two. No issues whatsoever.

A month or so ago I ordered some boots he wanted to get for his brother for his birthday. He doesn't have an Amazon account so I offered to order them on his behalf (they cost around £150) and to have them sent directly to him, my OH. The boots arrived, his brother liked them, all good.

However my OH has since forgotten to pay me back - to be honest, until this morning I had forgotten all about the money myself. Because we only see each other at weekends, unless we remember then, another week will pass by before we can pay each other back. And the longer we forget, the less likely we'll remember. So how can I gently remind my OH about this money? Neither of us is hard up but £150 is still quite a bit of money for both of us so I'm keen not to 'write it off.' Any ideas? Thank you.

I think it’d be weirder to wait and ask at a cash point, I’d just say something light now like “just wanted to check if you‘re going to pay me in cash or prefer a transfer for your brother’s present? I’ll ping over my bank details if it’s easier” rather than making it a big deal; he’s probably forgotten.

It’s not rude to ask for the money back - it’s not like it was a special thing for your OH that you’re now treating him to, it was for his brother’s present so it’s perfectly reasonable to mention it.

It's not rude to ask fir money to be paid back, on the other hand, it's very rude not to pay someone back...

Just text him & ask him to bring the cash this weekend or give him your bank details

You clearly have an internet-enabled device, why wouldn't you just ask him to do a bank transfer or a PayPal or a Pingit or something?

And why on earth wouldn't you just say "hey, would you mind paying me back for your brother's boots?"

Is it not horribly rude to ask your OH for money back outright?

Not at all, my DH of 20+years will remind me if I owe him money for something.
We have joint money and then individual spending money (same amount for each of us) so only fair that I pay him back if he's spending money on me that should come from my discretionary funds.

If the situation were reversed and you hadn't paid him back, would you think he was rude if he asked you for the money?

Just suggest he transfers it to you? Much easier than cash!

How was the original loan in cash if it was you making an Amazon purchase on his behalf?

Just because you've previously done these transactions in cash, what is stopping him now doing a bank transfer? Or you asking him to?

@NeedATan

We have always paid each other back in cash, just like the 'loan' was in cash to start with.

Is it not horribly rude to ask your OH for money back outright?

Eh? No... it's really not. Just ask. Presumably you paid on Amazon with your card, not cash, so he can transfer it back into your account. Easy. Done.

Any ideas?

Sweetheart, can you transfer the £150 for the boots?

Babe, you owe me £150 - when can you transfer it?

Just checked my statement and realised you still owe me for the boots - can you transfer it?

Did you transfer me the £150 yet for the boots? Just checking and realised it hasn't gone in if you did...

@Gruntwork

'Oi, dickhead, where's my £150?'

Pretty much

Is it not horribly rude to ask your OH for money back outright?
No.

Just ask him directly for the money back. He can transfer it, surely? Doesn't need to be complicated.

Everyone on this thread is telling you to just ask, yet you've said perhaps you should wait until you are both walking past a cashpoint and ask him then.
Its such a simple, normal request to ask your partner to pay back money they've borrowed. You've said they have repaid you in the past which is a good sign. So what is the problem?
£150 is quite a lot to just write off for no reason.
Seriously, you need to stop worrying about "politeness" and worry a bit more about yourself. (although politeness is important, its not a substitute for standing up for yourself!) ,
There are a lot of people out there who can spot and take advantage of people who don't speak up for themselves. Please don't let that happen to you. I hope you get your money back.

@NeedATan

Or maybe next time we go to a cash point together I can remind him, if he hasn't paid me back yet.

You seem awfully reluctant to just text him something along the lines of 'Your brother's boots I ordered off Amazon for you - bill's come in, need you to settle up with me.'.

Is there a back-story? Is there a reason you can't just say you need repaid? Do you expect reluctance on his part? If so, why? Or are you woefully unassertive? If so, why?

You have known each other for quite a while, and have borrowed ,and paid each other back each time, so he must have just forgotten the money this time. It should not be too difficult,to remind someone about some money owed,if this is your partner. It's not like some random neighbour, , or some dodgy friend.

If it was me I'd send a text saying hey just noticed you've not paid me back for those boots! Could you transfer it to me please? X

Why is that hard?

If you can't even ask your partner for money he owes you, I really wonder if this relationship is right for you? He's the one person that you should be able to discuss anything with!

You’re baking it into a thing that it doesn’t need to be ... just ask for your money back?

He's the one being rude, not you. Just send a message saying you've just realised he hadn't repaid you for his brother's boots. It's not as though he can expect you to pay for them, is it?

Why would you want £150 in cash when you paid online? Where's even accepting cash at the moment?!

If it's really that difficult say something like 'I was thinking of buying a takeaway/piece of art/large bag of cabbages but don't have the cash, could you get that £150 to me soon please?'

More suggestions:

Did you want to give me the £150 in cash or is it easier to transfer it/PayPal it?

You OK to pay me back the £150 for X's boots this weekend?

Just checking you've not forgotten about the £150 you owe me for X's boots?

Just realised you still owe me £150 from the other week!

Just say oh I just remembered you never paid me back for those boots you owe me 150.

He's probably forgotten as well.

You've been together 2 years but tbh after any amount of time i can't see what the issue is with just. Saying it.

OP why are you so reluctant to be straightforward?

I honestly don't get it.

Just say, "oh by the way I got my credit card statement and realised that we hadn't sorted the money for your brothers boots. Can you transfer the £150 to bank details? Thanks!"