School letting me know that ds, 13, doesn’t have a pen.

[Veuvestar]

Oh and he was slow to get in line
Is this the best use of time?
The school has a system of behaviour points
Isn’t this stuff they should just be getting on with, or dealing with.
He lost his pencil case, he borrowed a pen, move along, nothing to see.
Does anyone rises school do this type of thing?

@Veuvestar

Catcup- more parents like me? What, that ensure their child goes off with everything that he needs?

Hah yes, while also being irate that the school dare flag an issue to you. Not sure why you’re upset here. They just want you to raise this with DS to try to minimise future occurrences.

Yes, he’s 13... but you still have to parent him. As long as the school has spoken to DS about both the pen and the tardiness then yes, you should be reinforcing these messages at home.

Yesterday there was a thread where a child had been silly and not answered the register properly. This was communicated to the parent via the after school club. There were cries of lazy teacher and how the teacher should have called the parent.
Yet this time the teacher shouldn’t have called the parent.
Will everyone please make up their minds.

To be fair OP if your child has suspected ADHD and has got to age 13 before he got his first behaviour point for forgetting something - he's doing really well! You should be proud of him.

All bags get left in lockers

I asked in year 7 if he could take his to lessons.
It was ‘something they could look into’
I haven’t pushed it because he doesn’t seem to have any issues with taking the right books to lessons and his pencil case stays in his blazer pocket.
But it would be helpful, e.g last week we’d printed some stuff that he was allowed to take in for a test. It was in his bag, but he forgot all about it and didn’t have it for the test. But he took his book!
Anything out of the usual timetable he might forget about. Or a letter to hand in.

@stayathomer

Wow, people on here must have been the most perfect organised children ever and now aren't they lucky they have perfect organised kids too!!

It stands to reason 😉

Veuvestar

Is nobody reading what I have written?

I have and it doesn't make you right.

One time, one lesson

That you know about.

PS the drip feed may explain your cause but it doesn't excuse your response.

@LolaSmiles

MiddleParking I think you've got to separate what teachers do (which is mainly dictated by the head) and what teachers are like.

To use an equipment situation similar to the OP. As an individual level, I find it frustrating when the starts of lessons are regularly held up by forgotten books, not having equipment etc.
In one school I worked in, students generally had their own equipment. If someone forgot then they'd typically borrow from a friend because they knew me and knew my feelings about the start of lessons. They also knew that I had a pen jar at the front so if they needed it, they could take a pen for the lesson without disrupting the lesson. My pen jar almost never ran out (unless certain colleagues used my room and then I had to hide it). There was a mutual understanding that I cared about small things because I also cared about big things. If I saw someone regularly borrowing a pen then I'd speak to them.

At another school I worked at it was the norm for students not to arrive prepared, to go from lesson 1-5 being given pens from staff, which ended up being dismantled and left in bits around the room. The head brought in a revised behaviour policy that reflected the cumulative impact of lots of 'small' situations. The policy meant that not having equipment was a behaviour point. As a responsible teacher who doesn't undermine my colleagues, I followed that system because it only works if everyone is on the same page.

Despite being the same teacher with the same values, my actions differed according to context.

You sound like a very nice teacher/colleague/person. There are lots of teachers on here, though, who seem to think they’ve been put on the earth to angrily scold and denigrate everyone they come into contact with, children and adults alike. It must be really horrible for kids to go into school knowing that’s the attitude some of the adults there have towards them.

He's 13 - he needs a pen/he needs a spare pen (in his pocket if necessary). He needs to line up for his lessons - if this isnt happening then you need to know.
However I would guess it is more than no pen and slow to line up and that this is not an isolated incident.
Also, just another reason to complain about schools and teachers.

The school doesn’t keep track of which parents have a ready stash of supplies for their children and which ones do not. It’s more efficient for the school to simply me an email saying student did not have a pen. That way if the problem is that the parent needs to purchase a pen the parent will take action.

Or if the child is one prone to being irresponsible, the parent can have yet another chat with their kid.

The rest of the parents can ignore the email.

Simple and efficient.

My son would struggle with not being able to take a bag into lessons. He has his spares in there plus his folders for homework etc. If it's not in one place chances are he would forget something, he has asd so organisational skills aren't a strong point but having a pencil case in his bag plus spares as well as pens, pencil and rulers in his pocket has helped.

It may be worth asking about the bag again

My parents in the 1970s and 80s would never have been contacted about these things, probably because contacting parents was much more difficult due to the lack of automation but also because there was I believe, more of a sense that what went on at school stayed at school. If I had no pen I either was unable to write up the lesson and got a poor mark , or I borrowed , or I copied it up and in all cases I probably got told off by the teacher and crucially in all cases it was my responsibility .

We have the most anxious, unhappy and stressed teenagers in the Europe in this country. Teenagers who come out completely unable to make decisions partly because they have been treated as incapable of being responsible even for simple things like deciding they are too hot and taking off their jumper . They are completely micromanaged every movement or indescretion reported on, what happened to proportionality.

Some schools take a delight in escalating lost pens and fidgeting into behaviour points for children they know can't help it due to ADHD etc. I would have a word with them as to where they are trying to get to with it. Will he be excluded when he's built up enough points?

Having said that what worked for my son was having one pen, only, that lived in his blazer pocket all the time. No pencil case or anything to confuse matters. I know of other children who have a little stock of spare equipment in Student Support or some other accessible place.

This came up for me in a parent teacher meeting a few years ago so I went out and bought boxes of 100 biros for both my children. They’ve received the same in their Christmas stockings every year since then! Along with other stationary bits to replace the lost things throughout the school year.

And ties. So many lost ties ...

Water bottles.

Front door keys.

Calculators. I cleaned DSs room recently and collected 8 calculators!

@Radio4Rocks

Maybe they wouldn't have to phone if his parent made sure he had the required equipment.

Really?

@MrsTabithaTwitchit

My parents in the 1970s and 80s would never have been contacted about these things, probably because contacting parents was much more difficult due to the lack of automation but also because there was I believe, more of a sense that what went on at school stayed at school. If I had no pen I either was unable to write up the lesson and got a poor mark , or I borrowed , or I copied it up and in all cases I probably got told off by the teacher and crucially in all cases it was my responsibility .

We have the most anxious, unhappy and stressed teenagers in the Europe in this country. Teenagers who come out completely unable to make decisions partly because they have been treated as incapable of being responsible even for simple things like deciding they are too hot and taking off their jumper . They are completely micromanaged every movement or indescretion reported on, what happened to proportionality.

I couldn't agree more

Is it not because basic equipment is expected and late getting in line means not following instructions , and with it being a pandemic and all sharing and moving along , staying away etc all quite important at the moment

Also not hard To carry 3/4 pens it

@MrsTabithaTwitchit no they wouldn't but they are not allowed to do hardly anything off their own backs, and you would of got punished their and then
But borrowing pens at the moment is for a good reason , no ?
Op posted many agreed with school , the op don't like it

@MrsTabithaTwitchit you realise teachers often deal with parents going in having a go at them for telling their child off , I am not a teacher but they can't win
Also a child is also the responsibility of a parent if a parent brushes off all the time the children aren't going to learn if mum always says don't worry its no big deal
Rather than a well make sure your more prepared next time / take a spare efc

I don't believe that your ds isn't allowed to take his bag to lessons.

Let's say it's a small secondary. Even 120 kids going to lockers, rifling through bags, locking them back up etc 5 or 6 times a day is going to be HUGELY disruptive. That in itself is going to take 10 minutes out of EVERY lesson. Add in the likely covid precautions/risk assessment that stipulate gatherings of kids should be avoided where possible, and 120 kids on the corridor isn't going to be compliant. Nah, not buying it.

Secondly, you're telling us that your ds is fully equipped. But also in a previous post, he's lost his pencil case. You've known for MONTHS that he's going back to school on (week commencing) 8th March yet he's lost his pencil case, presumably at home, during lockdown, you've ordered one, and he's still using a scratty ziploc bag. Nope. Supermarkets, Home bargains, B&M, poundshops etc all open near me, and it's been 2 weeks since they've gone back. You need a refund on your order and a trip out to buy a proper pencil case.

Teachers are SO pissed off with shit excuses at the moment. Kids are not allowed to share equipment due to covid (and actually, why should they anyway), teachers cannot afford to give pens away nor should they.

On the plus side, hopefully it won't happen again now you both know that he's going to get a comment for it. He needs 10 pens in his pocket if he looses them, not one. Do him a favour and support him to get it right, and support the teacher to not have to waste time ensuring kids are properly equipped.

@NotMeNoNo

Some schools take a delight in escalating lost pens and fidgeting into behaviour points for children they know can't help it due to ADHD etc. I would have a word with them as to where they are trying to get to with it. Will he be excluded when he's built up enough points?

Having said that what worked for my son was having one pen, only, that lived in his blazer pocket all the time. No pencil case or anything to confuse matters. I know of other children who have a little stock of spare equipment in Student Support or some other accessible place.

No he wouldn’t and he is in year nine with one school ready point, hardly slathering zealots out to get him.

Children have always needed a pen and been expected to line up for class even in the 1970's and 80's - when schools probably didn't ring parents but education wasn't that great either. The OP has described the basics and you need to get the basics right.

Were you specifically told via phone call about pen or via app where you could see the behaviours point logged? Just wondering as we have a behaviour point system for no pen and parents can see via app.

Not as easy as ‘move on’ as we aren’t allowed to lend pens or borrow from students due to covid so he wouldn’t have been able to move on to do work. Stopping the lesson in search of a pen which teachers won’t routinely have anymore as we can’t lend them

Yes he should have a pen and get in line, however if this is due to processing issues which he is not getting sufficient support with then I would take each one as a prompt and additional evidence to contact to them to get support for him. 'I saw he got a behaviour point for forgetting his pen, as we discussed in year 7 he would find it easier if he could take a small bag....' etc. They are gathering the evidence for you which might help him get the support he needs.

I had the same letter re lack of pens for my DS.
I had no idea he kept losing them so I bought a whole stack of them for him to have in his bag once I was made aware of it.

He kept annoyingly putting them in his trouser pockets and losing them. He still does he's 15 and it drives me bonkers