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Original poster

Was this comment a bit off about being a SAHM?

102 replies

Thisisthepoint · 21/03/2021 21:25

I had an eye test last week and the staff member who went through my records when I arrived asked me some questions. She asked for my occupation and if I use a computer.

I said I was a “stay at home parent,” and hope to return to work this year and it would most likely be an office role so I would use a PC, but I also use my laptop at home a lot currently too.

She said “you’re a what?,” and pulled a face. I repeated the above and she replied “so, basically you’re just a housewife then.” And pulled even more of a wrinkled face at me, no smile either.

Is this a bit off? I feel a bit offended and like she has demeaned me. I didn’t have my DC until I was 40 and have worked all my life since I was a teenager with after school jobs and then worked throughout University. I have paid my taxes and worked hard up until I had DC and now he’s started school I am starting to look at returning to work. But I don’t see why I should have to justify my life choices to anyone, and shouldn’t be judged to my face about them. DH said ignore her, she’s a fool and as I have received a follow-up email survey asking for my experience of their service maybe I should mention that their staff member was a bit rude.

My confidence about returning to work feels rock bottom as it is and this person has just made me feel worthless

OP posts:

Tianatiers · 21/03/2021 21:30

Yeah that sounds off and I’d mention in the survey that she was rude about your occupation but then forget about it as really, like you say, you don’t have to justify your life choices to anyone.

hotpotlover · 21/03/2021 21:38

I would definitely complain. She was overstepping her professional boundaries and needs reprimanding.

Vomadetroit · 21/03/2021 21:41

She sounds incredibly rude! I would without a doubt mention it. She has no right to judge

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WorraLiberty · 21/03/2021 21:41

I think there might be a strong possibility she said, "So basically you're a housewife then" (due to your long-winded answer) but for some reason you heard just because you were pissed off?

kereh · 21/03/2021 21:43

You did overshare a bit, she asked your occupation and you waffled on when you should have kept it simple. Maybe that's why she looked confused.

doadeer · 21/03/2021 21:43

That's really rude. And I think housewife said like that is really derogatory. She sounds very silly

HeadNorth · 21/03/2021 21:43

I guess she needed an occupation that fitted a drop down box - and housewife was the nearest. Those drop down boxes are a pain, so I can understand she might be a bit frowny - but you were there, so you know the tone.

Gerbi1 · 21/03/2021 21:44

She’s really rude. Complain

Oly4 · 21/03/2021 21:45

Maybe she doesn’t have children and just doesn’t understand that justifying being a stay at home parent is a “thing”?
I wouldn’t give it a second thought

Wondermule · 21/03/2021 21:45

If it did happen like that and you’re no exaggerating for dramatic effect then yes that’s rude. If she was elderly-ish then the term ‘stay at home parent’ could be a bit alien to her and she didn’t quite ‘get’ it at first.

Oly4 · 21/03/2021 21:46

Not that you should have to justify it.. just that she probably had no concept of that being offensive

Mrsfrumble · 21/03/2021 21:47

Yes, that was rude. I always get asked at the optician and I just say “I’m not working at the moment”. It’s none of their business as to why, as they’re only asking in case your occupation affects your eye health. You are not worthless! You are in a career break, and how long that lasts for is the business of you, your DH and and your children and no one else at all.

fallfallfall · 21/03/2021 21:47

Agree with @HeadNorth, I bet it’s a drop down thing.
Your long winded answer was probably confusing.

Original poster

Thisisthepoint · 21/03/2021 21:50

@kereh @WorraLiberty
How long do you think it takes to say “I’m a stay at home parent but hope to return to work this year, will be using a PC but also currently use a laptop at home” etc?

It is important for the Optometrist to know if you are a computer user because it can cause eye strain and issues with focussing up close vs distance. Given I have varifocal lenses which cost a fortune compared to single vision lenses I wanted to ensure they have a full picture.

OP posts:

MichelleScarn · 21/03/2021 21:54

pulled even more of a wrinkled face at me, no smile either.

With your judgyness about her 'wrinkled face' you're not exactly covering yourself in glory

ExponentiallyDepleted · 21/03/2021 21:57

She does sound a bit rude but I don't think I've ever heard a SAHM actually use that phrase to describe themselves in real life, more often it's "not working at the moment" so maybe it confused her. I'd have just said that, not working at the moment but use a laptop a lot. She may also have been asking because you can get your employer to pay for your sight test if you use a VDU at work.

WorraLiberty · 21/03/2021 21:58

[quote Thisisthepoint]**@kereh* @WorraLiberty*
How long do you think it takes to say “I’m a stay at home parent but hope to return to work this year, will be using a PC but also currently use a laptop at home” etc?

I'm just offering up a possible reason why she tried to 'compact' your answer, as it'll need to fit in the list in front of her.

I don't think she meant it in the way you took it.

Original poster

Thisisthepoint · 21/03/2021 22:00

@MichelleScarn you misunderstand. She pulled a face which causes anyone’s face to wrinkle up, young or old. I have no recollection of any actual natural wrinkles on her face.

OP posts:

Okbussitout · 21/03/2021 22:02

Massively rude. She doesn't just get to call people's jobs what she fancies so she can understand it!

A housewife doesn't imply looking after children so also it's a different thing.

Sunshine1235 · 21/03/2021 22:02

How do you know whether she was smiling? Isn’t everyone masked in those kind of places at the moment?

If she said ‘just a housewife’ that is rude though so you could feed that back

InDubiousBattle · 21/03/2021 22:03

They've asked for feedback so I would give an honest review of the service you received.

9ofpentangles · 21/03/2021 22:09

Housewife is very dated to the point of being sexist. I doubt it would have been in the drop down box.

The way it sounds is that she thought you were speaking pc mumbo jumbo, which is judgemental. It is not for her to comment on. She should have stayed quiet and ticked what she thought matched.

Yes, I would put it in the survey.

When I became a parent, I got comments from so called professionals that were pretty personal and judgemental. Some would make your hair curl. I wish I had said something for my own self respect but never saw it coming. I don't wuite know ehy they feel the need really

indimum · 21/03/2021 22:09

I think it is likely she needed answer that fits the drop down box. She may not have meant to be rude. However if it came across as rude and your confidence knocked , then she and her employers should know about it. Sometimes people don't realise how they come across to others. Write a complaint, but mainly to show them they need to do better with customers/ service users. I suspect an apology will swiftly follow your complaint.

Bumblebee1980a · 21/03/2021 22:14

Rude. Definitely put that on your feedback sheet. How dare she.

TallPoppyS · 21/03/2021 22:30

You’re being overly sensitive. Sounds like she just wanted to tick a box and you waffled. Housewife is one of the options usually on these drop down lists, I don’t think I’ve ever seen SAHM listed.

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