Was this comment a bit off about being a SAHM?

[Thisisthepoint]

I had an eye test last week and the staff member who went through my records when I arrived asked me some questions. She asked for my occupation and if I use a computer.

I said I was a “stay at home parent,” and hope to return to work this year and it would most likely be an office role so I would use a PC, but I also use my laptop at home a lot currently too.

She said “you’re a what?,” and pulled a face. I repeated the above and she replied “so, basically you’re just a housewife then.” And pulled even more of a wrinkled face at me, no smile either.

Is this a bit off? I feel a bit offended and like she has demeaned me. I didn’t have my DC until I was 40 and have worked all my life since I was a teenager with after school jobs and then worked throughout University. I have paid my taxes and worked hard up until I had DC and now he’s started school I am starting to look at returning to work. But I don’t see why I should have to justify my life choices to anyone, and shouldn’t be judged to my face about them. DH said ignore her, she’s a fool and as I have received a follow-up email survey asking for my experience of their service maybe I should mention that their staff member was a bit rude.

My confidence about returning to work feels rock bottom as it is and this person has just made me feel worthless

Homemaker sounds more modern

Interesting article written 10 years ago www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2011/oct/12/better-term-than-housewife

Wow. You must have a lot of free time on your hands if ypu are upset about this.

[quote Thisisthepoint]**@kereh* @WorraLiberty*
How long do you think it takes to say “I’m a stay at home parent but hope to return to work this year, will be using a PC but also currently use a laptop at home” etc?

It is important for the Optometrist to know if you are a computer user because it can cause eye strain and issues with focussing up close vs distance. Given I have varifocal lenses which cost a fortune compared to single vision lenses I wanted to ensure they have a full picture.[/quote]
"I'm currently unemployed and I use a laptop at home"

That's how

If someone asks for an occupation you can't say stay at home mum/parent because that isn't an occupation.

What everyone else said! She overstepped the mark there.

I think the op articulates herself very well.

Loss of confidence is very common after having children- especially if you have made big changes , such as giving up your career

I’m not sure ho you could see her wrinkling her face up in a mask. But she likely had to fill a drop down box.

I’m not sure why so many folks take offence at the term “housewife”. This is the definition. Is it not accurate for your current situation?

noun: housewife; plural noun: housewives
1.
a woman whose main occupation is caring for her family, managing household affairs, and doing housework, while her husband or partner goes out to work.

If she really said ‘just a housewife’ that could be taken as rude but if she said ‘so you are a housewife’ that’s not so bad.

I would have simply said that I was unemployed.

I’m amazed you saw much of a description at all since she would have had a mask on. Also, it is likely that housewife or unemployed were the two options on a drop down box available to her and you didn’t give her either of those, just quite a bit of waffle which was probably hard for her to decipher since you would have been talking through a mask.

There was no dropdown box - this was all on a handwritten record. My occupation prior to DC usually left people none the wiser to what I actually did.

Housewife - who actually calls themselves this in the 21st century? That label belongs in the 1950s.

As I say, it’s the woman’s reaction that I found off. Could she not have asked for clarification on what I said rather than pulling a face (only wearing a tiny mask, kid-sized)?

To anyone thinking I waffled - if you had to spend a few hundred pounds on varifocal lenses do you not think you would try to ensure the opticians were clear on what close-up work the glasses would be needed for?

When my kids were young and people asked me if I worked, I always said 'yes. I have two young children so work 24/7'. If I didn't look after them I'd have to employ some one who did, and they'd be 'working'.
'Just' is the killer word in her comment. I'd have said 'I work at home and use a computer quite a lot'. You don't have to explain what that work entails.

@Thisisthepoint

There was no dropdown box - this was all on a handwritten record. My occupation prior to DC usually left people none the wiser to what I actually did.

Housewife - who actually calls themselves this in the 21st century? That label belongs in the 1950s.

As I say, it’s the woman’s reaction that I found off. Could she not have asked for clarification on what I said rather than pulling a face (only wearing a tiny mask, kid-sized)?

To anyone thinking I waffled - if you had to spend a few hundred pounds on varifocal lenses do you not think you would try to ensure the opticians were clear on what close-up work the glasses would be needed for?

The optician yes, but you said this was a staff member filling in a record when you arrived. Surely you chat to the optician during the appointment about any concerns.

Just be honest and say you are unemployed in future.

think there might be a strong possibility she said, "So basically you're a housewife then" (due to your long-winded answer) but for some reason you heard just because you were pissed off?
This^^

What’s the difference?

SAHP is a relatively new term. It replaces housewife more or less. But she was quite rude.

Very rude. Housewife can be seen to be quite a sexist and definitely outdated term. I really doubt that’s an option on a drop down list in 2021. I’ve seen homemaker and family carer along with stay at home parent.

There’s honestly no need for the optician to know how the OP spends her days, other than in relation to her eye health. So quibbling over semantics about whether a SAHP is an “occupation” or whatever is irrelevant. The comment was rude because of the “just” bit. If she’d said something like “can I put you down as a housewife then?” that would have been better.

They probably asked to find out if you were paying for the sight test yourself or if your employer was.

Sigh at the comments (again)... God forbid that anyone who has been locked up at home for months on end with lockdown might 'waffle' a bit when they finally get some human interaction.

Moreover, it is not at all unusual for SAHPs to feel they have to justify their choice. Personally I also wouldn't want to say 'not working at the minute'. The vast majority of people who are asked, 'are you employed' would respond with 'yes, I'm an x'.

Let the OP have a rant about something she feels judged about. Be kind!

OP, I would suggest putting in the survey to state how you felt but trying to do so in a way that potentially gives the benefit of the doubt to the person. Then try to forget it (coming from a person who spends many an evening arguing with people in my head).

There is every possibility that they are a judgy dick (and many of us, me included, were pre-kids but my goodness do we learn a lesson when we become parents).

She may be a judgy dick with kids... again many working mums feel they need to justify their choices (they don't) and sometimes the way they do that is my judging people who make different choices.

Equally she may just be having a difficult day and was a bit grumpy which came across as judgemental, especially given its a topic you may have felt judged on previously.

As for having rock bottom confidence about going back to work... if it helps in anyway there are companies explicitly looking to hire return to work parents because they recognise there is such a pool of untapped talent there!

Just another insecure twat, they come from both sides.

Hahaha you’ve gotta love an ‘argument’ that contains a dictionary definition, as if this is a
year four introduction to debating session.

Anyone thinking that someone who’d judge a SAHP would be judgment-free if someone called themselves unemployed is out of their mind.

This person was rude. It’s quite common for people to say to me ‘when do you see your children’ when they discover my occupation. Some people are rude and rather stupid.

I’d mention in the survey that it seemed very outdated to be using the term ‘housewife’ and that the staff member seemed rather dismissive of that role. Which is quite stupid in a business that will have plenty of SAHPs coming in and paying for their kids to use the service.

No one I know in real life uses SAHP, it’s only on MN I’ve seen it used. Why didn’t you just say you don’t work but do use a computer?

I haven’t seen housewife in a drop down box for at least 15 years.

I'd report it on the questionnaire personally. Opticians ask what you do so we can recommend the best lenses for you eg office lenses for computers etc.

Given your answer, personally I would have put down that you're a computer worker as you would be returning to work and would need the glasses to cover that too. Recording you as a housewife just doesn't cover everything so she was doing her job wrong for a start. To be rude as well, well she needs training.