Was this comment a bit off about being a SAHM?

[Thisisthepoint]

I had an eye test last week and the staff member who went through my records when I arrived asked me some questions. She asked for my occupation and if I use a computer.

I said I was a “stay at home parent,” and hope to return to work this year and it would most likely be an office role so I would use a PC, but I also use my laptop at home a lot currently too.

She said “you’re a what?,” and pulled a face. I repeated the above and she replied “so, basically you’re just a housewife then.” And pulled even more of a wrinkled face at me, no smile either.

Is this a bit off? I feel a bit offended and like she has demeaned me. I didn’t have my DC until I was 40 and have worked all my life since I was a teenager with after school jobs and then worked throughout University. I have paid my taxes and worked hard up until I had DC and now he’s started school I am starting to look at returning to work. But I don’t see why I should have to justify my life choices to anyone, and shouldn’t be judged to my face about them. DH said ignore her, she’s a fool and as I have received a follow-up email survey asking for my experience of their service maybe I should mention that their staff member was a bit rude.

My confidence about returning to work feels rock bottom as it is and this person has just made me feel worthless

You should have said
I don't think so, unless you're just a shop assistant.
Might have concentrated her mind.

I think she perhaps hadn't heard the phrase 'stay at home parent' before and didn't understand what you meant initially. She should have asked you to clarify more politely though, or just moved on.
I hadn't heard that before I joined mumsnet became a parent, and my mum was a housewife so that would have been the term most familiar to me, though it's outdated now.

She was super rude. I would complain.

Likely she was one of those lovely people who get all spiky about Americanisms. I would report - not her place.

Someone accused me of being a housewife once in a similar situation, when I had answered that I wasn’t working. I said “Oh god no! I do no housework at all!” They were stumped after that! Think I became an “other” on their list.

The person you spoke to sounded rude, OP and “housewife” was an outdated term 20 years ago.

Honestly I’d be more concerned she was wearing a child’s mask whilst public facing. How odd.

You are just a stay at home and a lot of people do equate that to a housewife. I agree with the above poster who pointed out the long windidness of your answer.

have worked all my life since I was a teenager with after school jobs and then worked throughout University. I have paid my taxes and worked hard up until I had DC and now he’s started school I am starting to look at returning to work. But I don’t see why I should have to justify my life choices to anyone

That's irrelevant. You have taken time off to raise your child - good for you. She sounds a bit thick if she didn't understand what a SAHM is or thought it was acceptable to say "just a housewife."

You could raise this with her employer but if I were you, I'd laugh it off and get outside and enjoy this lovely spring day.

I think the term SAHP is more of a mumsnet/social media thing. She may not have known what it meant. I hate this complain culture we are in over people's perception of people react.

You are just a stay at home and a lot of people do equate that to a housewife

Why do you feel the need to belittle a woman by saying just?

People's reactions

I think the term SAHP is more of a mumsnet/social media thing. She may not have known what it meant.

How is "stay at home parent" remotely ambiguous or difficult to understand? It couldn't be more self explanatory.

Personally I don't mind the term 'housewife' but I understand that others don't prefer it.

Try to feel proud and confident of your choices. Think about all the benefits for you and your family. Then no one will be able to make you feel upset, no matter what they call you. Perhaps she wishes she had the option of staying at home, which made her strange about it.

Try to feel proud and confident of your choices. Think about all the benefits for you and your family. Then no one will be able to make you feel upset, no matter what they call you. If only we could figure out how to easily achieve that, I'm sure we'd solve a lot of disagreements - do you have a tried and tested way of doing this?

I think it’s homemaker now, I haven’t seen the term housewife for years.

Not only would I mention it on the feedback form I'd be writing directly to the company /opticians. How dare she remark on your life choices. It would be the same as her remarking on someone's job, rude and unprofessional.

Is this perhaps a sensitive spot for you and therefore you’re seeing an insult where there wasn’t meant to be one? I say this as someone who has been a sahm and this over explaining sounds familiar. I know I used to go down the: ‘i’m going to go back to work when my youngest starts school, and I’m qualified as an X and I hope to return to work very soon’. When really ‘No’ would have been a full enough answer!

When I was a SAHM I used to say I was "self employed'

@ExponentiallyDepleted

She does sound a bit rude but I don't think I've ever heard a SAHM actually use that phrase to describe themselves in real life, more often it's "not working at the moment" so maybe it confused her. I'd have just said that, not working at the moment but use a laptop a lot. She may also have been asking because you can get your employer to pay for your sight test if you use a VDU at work.

I agree with this too. I 'm not sure if I ever heard anyone say SAHM irl.

I think you should give feedback on her behaviour.

Complain about her comment and obviously put her name on this too,so they know exactly its about her !

Judgy Cow !

No excuse to belittle being a stay at home mom

SAHP/M is a term you never hear being used in the real world. Your role is identical to what used to be called a housewife. You pretty much are a housewife, you just don't like that term for it.

I think rejecting the word housewife that strongly kind of internalises the idea that being at home is a worthless thing to do, but then I'm just a stranger on the internet. It's an outdated term but not an offensive one.

I'd say 'I'm at home with my kid at the moment'. Homemaker is really American sounding.

But you are a housewife, I cannot see why you are kicking up a fuss. SAHP is not a thing. It would be like someone saying I am a stay at home husband! Having children is not an occupation same as being married is not an occupation.

Or just say ‘I don’t work’

@Orangeblossomscent

Try to feel proud and confident of your choices. Think about all the benefits for you and your family. Then no one will be able to make you feel upset, no matter what they call you. If only we could figure out how to easily achieve that, I'm sure we'd solve a lot of disagreements - do you have a tried and tested way of doing this?

For me personally, it's been a combination of prayer, mindfulness, meditation, being in nature, feeling gratitude in the pleasant moments, recognizing and acknowledging the difficult moments.

Also, trying to be less judgmental myself, catching myself in those thoughts and trying to return to a place of empathy. When I judge less, I feel less judged. When I send out loving thoughts to others, I feel happier in myself.

Also, I'm careful about praise. I try not to dwell on it much, because however much I let myself be built up by the praise of others, then I will be brought down again when someone criticizes me, which they are bound to do! So I just try to rest comfortably in my own choices and not get too happy about receiving praise.