Not allowing a smartphone for year 7

stuckinarutatwork · 2021-03-21T14:23:22+00:00

Has anyone been brave enough to not allow their year 7 child to have a smartphone? I'm considering my options for DD who will start year 7 in September. To date, she's not had any phone, but does have an iPod touch: I haven't allowed her to have social media apps though and I won't allow them until she's 13 or whatever their minimum age is). She's allowed to use iMessage with school friends / family. I don't really see the necessity for a smartphone at age 11. They're not allowed to use them in school and she could have a basic phone for urgent calls / texts should she need to contact us during the day. But equally, I'm aware that she may well be the only child without one at the negative social implication of this, so I'm interested to hear others' views and experiences.

SellFridges · 21/03/2021 14:26

The problem with relying on iMessage is that many of her friends will not have iPhones. We allowed DD WhatsApp because of this but have set it so she cannot be contacted by anyone whose number she does not have stored in her phone.

Ohdeariedear · 21/03/2021 14:27

Ours are allowed to use them in school on occasion, for researching info. I think but Yr 7 they may stand out for not having one and my self-imposed rule is that if my preferences are disadvantaging them socially, I take another look at my decision and the reasoning behind it. ‘Because I didn’t have one’ was often my base motivation and times have changed since I was their age.

megletsecond · 21/03/2021 14:29

DS didn't have a Smart phone until Y8. But he's he sort of kid who gets on with everyone and never gets hassle. He did like having an indestructible brick that first year at secondary.
DD dis have a Smart phone to start secondary. I like having family link so I can see where she is on the route home.

JustTurtlesAllTheWayDown · 21/03/2021 14:29

I'm interested in this too. My DS is also starting in September. He doesn't have a phone. I'm wondering if he'd be at a social disadvantage not having one to be able to chat with his friends.

Oblomov21 · 21/03/2021 14:31

I think a year 7 child should have one yes. They'll miss out on a lot of socialising if they don't. I see it as essential.

seepingweeping · 21/03/2021 14:33

My so. Has had his own phone since he was 6. It's fine. He uses WhatsApp as do all his friends and I check the group chats to make sure there is no nastiness in there.

camsue · 21/03/2021 14:35

All homework is set online, during lockdown all communication with friends and teachers has been online. There are
Plenty of apps you can use to monitor and control your child's access to things so you can say yes to the benefits of a smart
Phone whilst minimising the risks.

camsue · 21/03/2021 14:36

Socially it will become extremely difficult for your child if they don't have the ability to communicate with their friends

Timeforabiscuit · 21/03/2021 14:38

All timetables, homework and school messages are sent via an app - so actually pretty difficult to access if the kid doesn't have access to a smartphone.

GordonettaBennett · 21/03/2021 14:39

High school age DS is not at all bothered about 'cool phones' but they do all use them to make arrangements (like to cycle to school or meet in the park), keep in touch and in class when teacher allows to rea search stuff.

Sewgood · 21/03/2021 14:44

Does she not have the freedom to go out with friends yet? That's the main reason mine has one. Means I can check location should they be late home/not answer their phone, but mainly it's just to stay in touch when they're out and about.

Bettafish · 21/03/2021 14:44

I am a year 7 tutor - unfortunately, I would agree that not having a smartphone does put them at a social disadvantage.

mammmamia · 21/03/2021 14:46

My year 6 is campaigning for one from end of summer term “so I can keep in touch with my friends going to different schools”

UserTwice · 21/03/2021 14:51

Are they definitely not allowed them in school? Not have a smartphone at DC's school would definitely put them at a disadvantage educationally (they are often asked to use their smartphone to look things up, use apps, take photos and need them to check intra-school emails).

Socially your child is likely to become quite isolated if they are the only one not with their own phone. Most secondary school communication is via SM, not text (I have no idea what iMessage is, which says to me that lots of her peers won't have it). Your child won't know what everyone was chatting about last night, and new friends won't always think to include them in meet-up arrangements made casually over SM. (It's not like making arrangement with established friends who are well aware they X is not using SM). A huge part of DD's social life in Year 7 was responding to people posting on the class chat "I'm going to XYZ place; anyone fancy meeting up?"

tisonlymeagain · 21/03/2021 14:56

@UserTwice

Are they definitely not allowed them in school? Not have a smartphone at DC's school would definitely put them at a disadvantage educationally (they are often asked to use their smartphone to look things up, use apps, take photos and need them to check intra-school emails).

Socially your child is likely to become quite isolated if they are the only one not with their own phone. Most secondary school communication is via SM, not text (I have no idea what iMessage is, which says to me that lots of her peers won't have it). Your child won't know what everyone was chatting about last night, and new friends won't always think to include them in meet-up arrangements made casually over SM. (It's not like making arrangement with established friends who are well aware they X is not using SM). A huge part of DD's social life in Year 7 was responding to people posting on the class chat "I'm going to XYZ place; anyone fancy meeting up?"

Ours are allowed to have them in school but they're not allowed to be seen or heard as soon as they are on school premises.

Personally, I think they'll feel socially isolated without a smartphone. Hardly any of the kids use iMessage in my experience, it's all WhatsApp groups, Snapchat and Instagram. They arrange their entire social lives. I think it would be easy to feel left out. (I know even as an adult that sometimes if you're not on FB you get forgotten about when arranging social events!)

Mine also need to access school apps for homework, revision tasks and messaging from teachers.

From a parenting point of view, having a smartphone means I can see their location, how long they are spending online etc and also easily communicate with them myself, using the methods they prefer means they are more likely to engage!

SansaClegane · 21/03/2021 15:09

My eldest DC got a smartphone for his 11th birthday so he'd have it for secondary. I agree that everything is on WhatsApp - but this way he's stayed in touch with his primary school friends and also with his new Yr7 friends when lockdown happened.
He is allowed to use his phone in school as well; but I really wanted him to have one to be able to communicate with him - his school is 12 miles from home in a big town so I do worry!
I'd say it doesn't have to be an expensive one, but without at least WhatsApp they'd be cut off from all the social activities.

DancesWithDaffodils · 21/03/2021 15:11

It's been invaluable for DS during lockdown at keeping in touch with his class.
He got one for his lockdown birthday in Y6 - so less than a year ago. Because of lockdown, we unearthed an old phone of DHs, and got a free SIM from the supermarket. He was told he could have an upgrade, but is exceedingly happy with his old Samsung (prob 5/7 years old) and a "cool" case.

Its main uses are WhatsApp with friends and the school homework app.

CalliopeMuses · 21/03/2021 15:15

Hold the line OP! Daughter can have a 'dumb' phone to contact you when out and about. Let her have a few more years without the scourge of social media in her pocket - she'll thank you one day.

I'm not saying she shouldn't have access to SM at all, but at least with the iPad it's not with her every second of the day and you have some control over it.

I work in a secondary school and I see what goes on with the kids online. It's pretty horrible to watch honestly. Just give her a bit more time without it if you can.

Iknowtheanswer · 21/03/2021 15:17

My DS2 used a smart phone in class from year 7. They play various class quizzes and games on apps.

A friend of DS1 was not allowed a smart phone in year 7 or 8. She used her allowance to buy a second hand phone without her parent's knowledge and just hid it from them. Caused a huge upset when the parents found out, she's still not got over it in year 12...

Purplebees · 21/03/2021 15:17

We found having a smartphone has been great for keeping in touch with friends. I also have the settings such that he can only message his contacts in his phone. And I approve any new contacts. Also he is only allowed access to certain websites approved by me. I deleted YouTube app. So it’s quite heavily restricted.

willibald · 21/03/2021 15:20

My son didn't have one until he was 12, and then it's a really old smartphone. But, he has autism, ADHD and OCD and had to go into treatment for gaming addiction. We have to really limit tech with him as he can't control it and becomes violent - no games consoles or the like.

NT daughter had one by age 11, but she's doesn't have impulse control issues.

Original poster

stuckinarutatwork · 21/03/2021 15:21

@Sewgood

Does she not have the freedom to go out with friends yet? That's the main reason mine has one. Means I can check location should they be late home/not answer their phone, but mainly it's just to stay in touch when they're out and about.

Yes she does go out but doesn't have a phone. She knows to be home for tea at 6 or whatever and that's worked fine so far. She doesn't go far.

OP posts:

Original poster

stuckinarutatwork · 21/03/2021 15:22

@UserTwice Definitely not allowed to use them in school. Not even at lunch / break times. Must be turned off and in their bag at all times.

OP posts:

Sidewalksue · 21/03/2021 15:22

DD is year 7 and uses Whatsapp a lot. There’s a group chat for her friend but there is also a class
group chat (not all the class, just the ones that get on) and they use that a lot for homework and when they were in lockdown about work and whether lessons were cancelled etc.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 21/03/2021 15:26

I'm usually the first to say why the fuck are you giving a little kid a tablet or w/e but I think she will struggle socially without one and will end up being the one always left out of things that were arranged on group chat or doesn't get the jokes because she wasn't part of the conversation.

Can you not let her have a very basic smartphone with limited data and parental controls?

Not allowing a smartphone for year 7

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