Not allowing a smartphone for year 7

[stuckinarutatwork]

Has anyone been brave enough to not allow their year 7 child to have a smartphone?
I'm considering my options for DD who will start year 7 in September. To date, she's not had any phone, but does have an iPod touch: I haven't allowed her to have social media apps though and I won't allow them until she's 13 or whatever their minimum age is). She's allowed to use iMessage with school friends / family.
I don't really see the necessity for a smartphone at age 11. They're not allowed to use them in school and she could have a basic phone for urgent calls / texts should she need to contact us during the day.
But equally, I'm aware that she may well be the only child without one at the negative social implication of this, so I'm interested to hear others' views and experiences.

My Y7 DS has an iPhone and it's useful for social interaction but also totally essential for school work.

His timetable, homework are set on an app. Plus he gets regular emails from his teachers with links to work etc - this is both during home schooling and since he has been back in person.

DD’s school also use number of apps to set and upload homework, order lunch, letters home, award good behaviour points etc. The pupils need access to a smartphone at least, but the expectation is that it is their own.

My dcs school says they need to be turned off and in bags at all times. The reality is that they will use them in lessons, to look stuff up and do quizzes. They all use WhatsApp to message in group chats

I held out on a smartphone until Halfway through year 7 when it became clear that WhatsApp was the year sevens main way of communicating. So I allowed it just for that. Then she set up secret insta accounts and got followed by a sugar daddy. The iPhone monitoring system is rubbish. The phone is also a constant source of conflict and she reads a lot lot less. Phones are banned in school but they are used in lessons and for homework so it is even harder to ration.

Oh and i also check the phone bit she deletes msgs!!

I would say no for as long as possible, avoid the online bullying, stupid messages at all times of the day and night etc. My elder 2 kids never had one until there GCSE years and it did not bother them one bit.

The advantage of giving a smartphone to a Year 7 is that they are much more likely to talk to you about what they are looking at, what's happening in their chat etc, so it becomes natural. It's going to be much harder getting conversations going with a teen in the same way. Plus your teen is much more likely to have worked out how to delete and hide things from you! Open conversation IMO is much more important when letting DC loose with technology - rather than banning it.

Thanks everyone for your input. As much as I hate the idea of a smartphone so young, I do accept the risk of social isolation by not having one.
I'm leaning towards allowing one but with a lot of restrictions (we have family sharing on Apple devices), WhatsApp for group chats but I think I'm going to say no Instagram / TikTok / Facebook until she's 13 or very close to it.

I feel the same OP and I think your approach is what I’ll do for year 7 as well.

Good call OP. This seems like a sensible compromise.

Keep the dialogue open re snapchat, instagram etc (don't think teens really use Facebook, they think it's for old people ). I held off on these for quite a while, but eventually my dd talked me round. I know other parents were more strict, and their dc ended up going behind their backs and doing stuff secretly - they will always find a way. I think it's all about finding the right balance and keeping the lines of communication with your DC open. At least you can check what they're doing if it's all out in the open, whereas if they're using a friend's phone to post on a secret insta account, you will have absolutely no idea!

My 8yo has an iPhone. In our village it's the norm that children are free to roam from a very young age. I can track his iPhone. Very handy when his mates come calling and I can just say, "he's at the top park" or "he's by the duck pond". He could also take part in Teams calls and upload his own work to Teams. His older siblings also have iPhones and we've had no trouble with anything like online bullying etc as we keep an eye on them and make sure they're all aware of what is not allowed.

At that AGE I don't think they need one

At that STAGE I do think they need one

I think I'd be happier at 13 - teenager, various apps become age appropriate at 13 etc, but I accept that they need one once they reach high school for various reasons. A lot of kids did have them in the last couple of years of primary but I held off until the summer before high school.

My eldest two have smart phones, they aren't the latest phones as I don't want the worry of them being stolen, but they aren't ancient either.

They are allowed WhatsApp, despite the age limit being set higher, but things like tiktok etc they use the app on my phone to learn tiktok dances so they aren't the only one who doesn't know it, but don't have it on their phones/their own account

We started, and kept, with rules about phones being downstairs before they go to bed, no phones when we have visitors - their friends obviously excluded if they are all on their phone, but not when my parents or sisters etc come over, no phones if we are doing a family activity - except for a quick photo....

I stick to these rules too though, so it's leading by example and seen as being fair.

They know that I can look at their phone at any time, I always ask first and they are happy to hand it over. I don't do it very often as I trust them and they've proven that they can be trusted with the phones. They know that they can ask my advice about messages they've received / how to reply etc, so if there was any cyber bullying going on I do think I'd be aware of it (I'd also check their phone if I noticed change in mood/behaviour, so likely to pick up on it)

As others said my children school use Apps for homework, timetable & files on teams etc emails from teachers - class room changes or if they need to ask questions around homework etc
It seems very much part of the school life.

We do have restrictions on the ‘social apps’ and I can control time limits from my phone.

DD has my old Samsung with a new SIM and case she chose. She's Year 6 currently, (turned 11 in Jan and got it as a birthday pressie) but the majority of her class have them.

We have strict controls on who/when and how much, but honestly, she'd have been very cut off already from her friendship group without it. It wasn't so much the case last year, but this last Lockdown, they've all been chatting via Messenger and the like and still are even though they're back at school.

I suspect by next year, it would be pretty essential for her to be able to do so and I can see very easily how it would isolate her without it.

DD has had a phone since Y7, a very basic smartphone.

We have had a lot of youngsters involved in violence locally and we are reassured that she has WhatApp alongside text and phone in case she needs us.

OP it’s not virtuous or ‘brave’ it’s a silly idea.

Your child could well miss out socially, who wants that for their child?

Buy a reconditioned older model iPhone and you can put parental controls directly from the device. Much easier than faffing around with apps.

I think @UserTwice made a really sensible point about getting it in Y7 when the lines of communication between you are still very open.

In an ideal world, I'm not at all sure kids would have smartphones/social media, but in the world we live in, not having a smartphone would definitely make a Y7 child an outlier, and impact on their social life.

Like many PPs' kids, WhatsApp has been the key medium for keeping in touch in Y7 for my three kids and I'm glad I let them have access to it. I've been more cautious with social media - my Y7s don't have Instagram yet and my older child got it not long before her 13th birthday.

And ours is another school where official line is 'no phones out', but in practice they are always doing Kahoots/research/just phone your mum and ask her to bring in your drama socks etc.

As an aside, I really dislike iMessage. As far as I can see, it serves the same function/carries similar risks to WhatsApp, but isn't accessible to those people without Apple devices. In Y6 (during lockdown), a lot of the kids in my son's class were on iMessage but nothing else, and it was very hard for him.

I'd say yes to one personally.

Especially during these times, dd can chat with her friends and keep friendships going.

Also useful when out and about. I'm surprised you don't give her one when she's out? What if something happened?

A friend of DS1 was not allowed a smart phone in year 7 or 8. She used her allowance to buy a second hand phone without her parent's knowledge and just hid it from them. Caused a huge upset when the parents found out, she's still not got over it in year 12...

There are always spare phones milling about between the kids, loaned out to those who have been grounded from tech, or have social media accounts that they don't want their parents to know about it.

We went with giving DD a smartphone in yr6 and letting her have access to WhatsApp in yr7. She was open about things that went in online and learnt from a few bad experiences.
Her school is one that says no phones out in lessons, then next minute says there's no time to take down homework off the board, just grab a photo or they play class Cahoot. They also have apps linked to rewards, attendance and homework. And social lives are arranged around WhatsApp.

The one thing I would be wary of is bloody Snapchat.

I think @UserTwice made a really sensible point about getting it in Y7 when the lines of communication between you are still very open.

That was what I meant to say, but rambled off.

@stuckinarutatwork

Thanks everyone for your input. As much as I hate the idea of a smartphone so young, I do accept the risk of social isolation by not having one. I'm leaning towards allowing one but with a lot of restrictions (we have family sharing on Apple devices), WhatsApp for group chats but I think I'm going to say no Instagram / TikTok / Facebook until she's 13 or very close to it.

Sounds sensible OP. My dd is 14 now and I held off on TikTok. Insta for as long as possible. They do use Snapchat a lot at this age and the group chat facility on there has overtaken WhatsApp. My older dds tell me hardly anyone their age use WhatsApp now.

@Itsjustaride8w737

I'd say yes to one personally.

Especially during these times, dd can chat with her friends and keep friendships going.

Also useful when out and about. I'm surprised you don't give her one when she's out? What if something happened?

We live rurally. The mobile phone reception is pretty pants when out and about anyway so little point in having one. If anything happened, then she'd just do what we used to do before mobile phones - knock on a door and ask for help.

You have to think back to secondary school.
I’m not sure whether yours was like mine but at mine it was very much dog eat dog. If you were poor, everyone knew and everyone picked on you for it. They were like vultures tbh. Would you want your child to stick out because they have an old crappy phone? It is very materialistic and all about appearances in secondary school, I really don’t recommend giving any other child a reason to pick on them.

My DS has an iPhone 8 so nothing fancy but still recent enough for him not to get picked on. He likes using iMessage and WhatsApp with his friends, they all use it.

Oh and I won’t allow SM either until they’re at least 13 and they only got a phone at 11 for secondary school so I’m a dinosaur compared to lots of their friends’ parents! I still wouldn’t send them to school with a brick, it’s just asking to be bullied in most schools I’m afraid.

I thankfully went to school pre smartphone but they were still a status symbol. If you didn’t have a sliding phone you were a loser basically.

We live rurally. The mobile phone reception is pretty pants when out and about anyway so little point in having one. If anything happened, then she'd just do what we used to do before mobile phones - knock on a door and ask for help.

Fair enough but what if she was involved in an accident? A phone would be useful for emergency services etc to contact you.
Unless you live in a small village where everyone knows everyone else?