Not allowing a smartphone for year 7

[stuckinarutatwork]

Has anyone been brave enough to not allow their year 7 child to have a smartphone?
I'm considering my options for DD who will start year 7 in September. To date, she's not had any phone, but does have an iPod touch: I haven't allowed her to have social media apps though and I won't allow them until she's 13 or whatever their minimum age is). She's allowed to use iMessage with school friends / family.
I don't really see the necessity for a smartphone at age 11. They're not allowed to use them in school and she could have a basic phone for urgent calls / texts should she need to contact us during the day.
But equally, I'm aware that she may well be the only child without one at the negative social implication of this, so I'm interested to hear others' views and experiences.

I don’t get this. There are age limits for WhatsApp, Snapchat etc. An 11 year old is not meant to be on any of them.

I honestly think there are worse things than a slightly impaired social life: phone addiction, bullying, grooming, wasting your life on a screen, the cost, the arguments...! Schools should absolutely not be making them essential as many families won’t be able to afford them.

My kid is in year 7 and doesn’t have a smart phone, she does have a basic phone that she rarely uses! She would like one and I’ll probably cave for year 8, but I wouldn’t say she’s the only one without by far or that she has been deprived socially.

Ds has a smartphone with no SIM that he's used for gaming for a couple years. He doesn't want to take it out of the house.

I got a basic Alcatel smartphone which was same price as a brickphone, and spent ages setting it up with Google trace, and most importantly Citymapper (he gets the bus across London but if something goes wrong he walks or could get other buses).

He's made friends but has zero interest in phone comms - they chat over Roblox occasionally - so didn't mention for over y weeks that he's lost the bloody thing. I think I need to get another, mostly so he can see what time it is and when to start walking if the bus doesn't come.

And because people will probably call it neglect, letting a 12yo wander a couple miles across London without a phone. They definitely don't use them in school and many kids don't have one - it's not an affluent catchment.

I think a Y7 without a smartphone will be at a social and educational disadvantage. It has been the main method of contact between child and school over the last year.

From the child's point of view - DD had a friend who had a "brick" type phone that just did text/talk. DD dropped her friends bag and the phone fell out and everyone laughed at her friend who was humiliated.

DD told the story to her friend's mum one day and apologised for the fact that everyone saw the phone, and the mum realised that her DD did need a basic smart phone , in order to not stand out. They limited the apps she could have and check it regularly and that is fine, but they realised that they weren't helping their DD by not letting her have the phone.

Also, the girls have group chats on whatsapp or Insta and this girl was left out because she couldn't access anything like that without the smart phone. I think that the parents did a great compromise.

I am always the first to say it is great to be yourself and be different, but things like phones do matter. I swore DD wouldn't have one until she was 14, but in reality she had my old iphones from age 10 onwards. She is Y8 , aged 13 and currently using my old iphone 6.

@iwishiwasatcentralperk my point is that being left out/stigmatised socially is of course an issue, but there are downsides to having a phone that might outweigh that. All the apps say kids this age shouldn’t be using them

@JMarion1981 I do agree with you to a point. DD is not allowed to be glued to her phone all the time and it is sad to see it when there are a group of them and they are all on their phones and DD is begging them to do something else :( I do think their parents should step in more and stop the kids being on their phones all the time, but they just want them out of their hair.

I check DD's phone regularly and she is not allowed to add anyone that she doesn't know. She mainly uses Insta to follow stars in shows like Malory Towers etc.

It's sad but true though, if you don't let your child join Insta or whatsapp, then they end up being left out of the conversations and that is hard on them.

Out of interest @JMarion1981, do you have secondary aged children?

Why should a school be requiring a smartphone? What about those who are on low incomes.

I think Emmanuel Macron had the right idea, though I don't know if it came to fruition.

At our school most of the Yr5 got them in summer due to lockdown to keep in touch, do zooms, what's app home schooling etc etc. In yr6 almost all have. They sort all their own arrangements out. They walk to and from school, pop for a hot chocolate / ice cream etc ... we are city based.
I can't now imagine them not having them.

@Sewgood

Does she not have the freedom to go out with friends yet? That's the main reason mine has one. Means I can check location should they be late home/not answer their phone, but mainly it's just to stay in touch when they're out and about.

This is the norm here. Yr6 are very independent

@JMarion1981

I honestly think there are worse things than a slightly impaired social life: phone addiction, bullying, grooming, wasting your life on a screen, the cost, the arguments...! Schools should absolutely not be making them essential as many families won’t be able to afford them.

I was the one without the phone in school and it was ridiculous. On my 16th birthday, I still didn't have one.

Is actually so isolating. Parents aren't facilitating visits so your friends are arranging things without you. I was left out in summer and had no contact.

It's also just embarrassing tbf. To me, it is that bad.

I would question whether any parent of a current year 7 hasn't let their year 7 have a smart phone.

I said upthread that things have changed so recently and drastically that any secondary age child in 2021 isn't OK without one.

People whose kids did GCSE a few years ago and were fine really isn't the same. I mean it is like an 80s child being given a grammar phone rather than a CD player in secondary. Just because my parents were fine with a grammar phone.... it really isn't the same.

Oh and anyone who says their current NT year 7/8 doesn't have a smart phone and is absolutely fine... I'd think one of 2 things is happening...

They're being bullied but aren't telling you. Or that they actually have worked out how to get access in secret.

I'm no super fan of them at all. They bring definitely their own problems, but not having one would not be the answer.

@AlexaShutUp I don’t, though I should disclose that I have an axe to grind because we saw a massive deterioration in my DNs quality of life which led to my DSiS removing the phone. She misses out on some social stuff (not all) but equally does not have all the problems associated with phone use. I am not going to allow my DC to have one until at least 14 and hopefully older.

@CuthbertDibbleandGrubb agree. I really think they should be banned in schools

I think it'd be a wise move to get a cheap and cheerful smartphone for school, schools in our area all use apps etc to quickly keep the kids informed about emergencies, changes to timetables, homework and accounts for school meals etc. You could find they're at a disadvantage without one.

@Itsjustaride8w737

We live rurally. The mobile phone reception is pretty pants when out and about anyway so little point in having one. If anything happened, then she'd just do what we used to do before mobile phones - knock on a door and ask for help.

Fair enough but what if she was involved in an accident? A phone would be useful for emergency services etc to contact you.
Unless you live in a small village where everyone knows everyone else?

There's no signal in most places around here (on any network). The phone doesn't magically work for the emergency services.

The pandemic won't be on forever and she will be travelling further away more regularly.

I agree with the poster who said that their age doesn't need it, but their current stage does. They will all have Tiktok, Insta and Snapchat, and she is far better having access to them with your support and reassurance, rather than making accounts secretly.

I am not going to allow my DC to have one until at least 14 and hopefully older.

Well, good luck with that!

@AlexaShutUp. I appreciate everyone has a different perspective on how damaging they think it is, but I’m not going to facilitate my DC doing something I consider harmful, even if everyone else is doing it. I look at my DNs experience of bullying and phone addiction and I think it’s just not worth it. If all the kids at school were smoking, I’d expect my kid to feel left out if she wasn’t allowed to, but she still wouldn’t be allowed to. We’re the parents, we’re meant to say no sometimes!

I appreciate everyone has a different perspective on how damaging they think it is, but I’m not going to facilitate my DC doing something I consider harmful, even if everyone else is doing it. I look at my DNs experience of bullying and phone addiction and I think it’s just not worth it. If all the kids at school were smoking, I’d expect my kid to feel left out if she wasn’t allowed to, but she still wouldn’t be allowed to. We’re the parents, we’re meant to say no sometimes!

Yes @JMarion1981, I agree that we all have to make our own decisions about where to draw the line, but I also think it's much easier to be black and white about these things when you aren't actually having to deal with a miserable teenager who is being excluded from social activities because of the decisions that her parent has made.

It isn't actually a binary choice between phone addiction and online bullying vs a complete ban. Many of us manage to navigate this area fairly successfully, by teaching our kids to use the technology sensibly and monitoring their use carefully. The danger of not allowing your kids to have access to these things is that they find your position so unreasonable that they seek to bypass it in secret. I know a few parents who proudly proclaimed that their kids didn't have social media, but I knew different because I could see their children on my dd's account.

@JMarion1981

I honestly think there are worse things than a slightly impaired social life: phone addiction, bullying, grooming, wasting your life on a screen, the cost, the arguments...! Schools should absolutely not be making them essential as many families won’t be able to afford them.

I agree. It's wrong for schools to make phones "almost compulsory " and let children use them during lesson time.

My Y7s both have one. Cheap Huawei ones, about £100 each.

They haven’t text or called anyone from school but they have used them for research and taking photos on occasion.

They have an app on there and I control their access, they can’t get onto inappropriate sites or download apps without permission. They do have WhatsApp and about a million different chats but actually they don’t really use it. They voice note with particular people. They prefer to chat while Xboxing

There’s been no instances of bullying or overuse or anything I wouldn’t like. It is possible to have some control over it.