Not allowing a smartphone for year 7

[stuckinarutatwork]

Has anyone been brave enough to not allow their year 7 child to have a smartphone?
I'm considering my options for DD who will start year 7 in September. To date, she's not had any phone, but does have an iPod touch: I haven't allowed her to have social media apps though and I won't allow them until she's 13 or whatever their minimum age is). She's allowed to use iMessage with school friends / family.
I don't really see the necessity for a smartphone at age 11. They're not allowed to use them in school and she could have a basic phone for urgent calls / texts should she need to contact us during the day.
But equally, I'm aware that she may well be the only child without one at the negative social implication of this, so I'm interested to hear others' views and experiences.

I'm currently watching my y6 DDs route nearby with her friends. The only way it is possible is by a smart phone. It is also loaded with a topped up bus pass and emergency cash on an app. Apart from the safety aspect it would be difficult for a y7 to be in high school without access to a smartphone. Not just for social media but for Teams and online research.
I was on a course a few months ago and for us to be able to complete the registration we all had to go online and sign up. Many people struggled to do this on basic phones. So I can see it becoming needed in a school setting too.

Me. Well, I got my daughter a smartphone for her 11th birthday and within a month she'd lost it. And in that month it was a nightmare, she was in horrible WhatsApp groups, viewing horrible things online. We replaced it with a brick phone and she got a smartphone for her 13th birthday when she was near the end of year 8. I have no regrets. Even now she is 14 I still have some restrictions set on her phone and can see her Google searches.

People will claim they will be left out without one, but in my opinion, you don't want them being best mates with the kids that are obsessed with social media when they are too young to navigate it anyway.

My kids have both got a 2nd hand iPhone 6 going into yr 7, as the timetable and homework is all on an app, they use Kahoot in classes and access their school email account.

[quote stuckinarutatwork]@UserTwice Definitely not allowed to use them in school. Not even at lunch / break times. Must be turned off and in their bag at all times. [/quote]
They all say that, until the teacher says get your phone out & take a photo of the homework

I think it's better to teach her how to use smart phone sensibly now. She'll be at a huge social disadvantage without one, Covid has made it more important than ever for kids to stay connected.
By introducing it for Y7 you get to check her phone routinely which would be more difficult if she was older.
May not happen in all schools but my DC sometimes use their phones to take photos of notes or homework exercises they haven't copied down in class.

I don't think a phone is essential for year 7 but access to an alternative device eg laptop or ipad may be helpful
Our secondary bans phones and some of the kids don't have them

I finally relented and let my son (when he was at the end of Yr 5) have a basic PAYG phone - a friend of mine was meant to pick him up, but forgot and I was at work frantic (I was the only trained nurse on so I couldn't run off the ward) whilst my mate ran about looking for him. He was sensible enough to find his MMA sensei and stay with him (whilst I was telephoned), but it was scary when I was trying to figure what the hell was going on! I gave it to him on the proviso that he was responsible with it, looked after it and didn't engage in any messaging/texting that he wouldn't show to me/family/his teachers.

When he was in the latter part of Year 6, I bought him an iPhone SE....but forbade all SM except WhatsApp (his class then had a WhatsApp group, as does his current class now), and locked it down so that there were a lot of sites he couldn't access. I put parental controls on it which mean that he can't download anything new without me approving it on my phone, and there are time limits for things like games. He also knows (even at the age of 14), that I will randomly check his phone/messages etc, and if I find anything untoward, then I will confiscate it. So far, so good.
He's been really sensible with it, looks after it (he got it in Year 6, he's now in Year 9 and still has it) and won't write anything on there that he's not prepare to show to his teachers/me. (I figured that was a good gauge for him as to do's/don'ts!!). He does use his phone in class when the teachers tell him to take pictures, look up things etc, so it's been very useful. I went for an iPhone as I have one, so they sync together easily. I also use a Mac at home, so it easily syncs to that as well.

NB I'm normally one to say that giving such expensive tech to kids is ludicrous, but this has been something that has proved to be very useful for my son (both in school for work, and for easily keeping in touch with friends).

[quote stuckinarutatwork]@UserTwice Definitely not allowed to use them in school. Not even at lunch / break times. Must be turned off and in their bag at all times. [/quote]
Definitely as in that's what it says in the school blurb, or that's what children who are actually at the school say? My DC's school says something similar. The reality is rather different.

@CalliopeMuses

Hold the line OP! Daughter can have a 'dumb' phone to contact you when out and about. Let her have a few more years without the scourge of social media in her pocket - she'll thank you one day.

I'm not saying she shouldn't have access to SM at all, but at least with the iPad it's not with her every second of the day and you have some control over it.

I work in a secondary school and I see what goes on with the kids online. It's pretty horrible to watch honestly. Just give her a bit more time without it if you can.

We tried it and it bit back so enormously that DD ended up being bullied and excluded from social events.

She has one friend who also didn’t have a smartphone in Y7, not a phone at all actually, and that girl was excluded all the time as nobody could reach her.

Unfortunately the world evolved away from call and text, we have very strict rules in place and DD knows we do check her phone on a random basis,

Better to teach them to use it sensible and within rules.

Mine had basic phones from 10 and first started going out without me. I managed to make mine make wait until year 7 birthday/Christmas for a smart phone. That was long enough for them to be aware of friends who had got into trouble for not walking away from a disagreement online and to really learn how much harm they can do.

My dt are year 7. They have at times used their phones in class to research things, the ones without stand out. Mine have what's app which I monitor however no other social media. Especially at the moment this is how they have all communicated. Dc3s friend hasn't got what's app and has struggled to form friendships when it's all been done over what's app. Also the school learning app on their phones has been a god send - everything in one place and easily accessible. It's also enabled them to take photos of their work and upload them.

DS is Y7. We live in a middle school area, and the transition from first to middle school is Y6. Ds got a smartphone in the summer before starting Y6:middle school (his birthday is in Sept, so his hot it as an early birthday present, it’s just an old iPhone of mine with a sim and not much data. We have a family deal from EE). Lockdown hit halfway through the year, and it was excellent for socialising. This year (Y7) he has been in school all the time, and school have been allowing the pupils to use smartphones in lessons to research things, as they cannot use the library.

Hopefully by September, school children will be able to socialise in person and share books, but I still feel that smartphones are pretty much a given for older school kids.

It’s also really handy to track him on his way home.

I think it's really unreasonable not to let her have a basic smartphone in Year 7. There isn't really much difference between letting her use imessages and letting her use whatsapp in my view, other than the fact that imessages only work on Apple devices. As not all of the kids will have iPhones, that means that your dd will end up being excluded from most group chats etc.

I was quite reluctant with regard to social media when dd was that age, and didn't allow her to have snapchat or instagram until she was a bit older and had demonstrated that she could use it responsibly. Tbh, this did result in her feeling left out sometimes, though she did accept and respect my decision. In hindsight, I think maybe I worried about it too much, but I did what I felt was right at the time.

If I had denied dd access to whatsapp at that age too, I think she'd have been really left out of group conversations, which would have been quite damaging for her social relationships.

I know of a few parents who were excessively strict about phones and social media, and in several cases, the kids just went behind their parents' backs in the end. I think it's important to try to get the balance right and keep the dialogue with your kids open so that you can chat to them about what they're doing online and how to keep them safe. If you're too strict, they will conclude that you're a dinosaur and completely out of touch, and they may end up just bypassing you entirely.

@reluctantbrit I understand, it's so difficult when ALL the other kids have them already. I wish it wasn't like this for them! I think if a smartphone is a necessary evil then I would make sure to check DC's phone every evening and never let them have it in the bedroom at night. I suppose that's obvious though!

Dc1 is (just 11) & had an iPhone 6s for Christmas, we got it because I can have the family link & set screen time restrictions etc. Even with the restrictions on she can always call or text me, Dh, her Aunt or her Aunts parents. She needs me to input a passcode before she can download anything & isn't able to access many sites through the browser, only those rated suitable for under 13's. She has Skype for keeping in touch with friends that don't have iMessage & has done since last March. I also check her phone each night.

My year 7 did need a smartphone. Firstly for the bus pass. Then the actual EduLink app for school work.

They look at stuff in class. This week it was an online quiz in phse

I genuinely don't know what happens where children don't have a smart phone.

We're in a fairly affluent area. Massive school but she wouldn't have been able to function within the setting without one.

Sorry I know it's not what you want to hear.

It shouldn’t matter @stuckinarutatwork but in reality you’ll isolate your DD if she doesn’t have one, and make her the odd kid out. Friendship groups will add each other on WhatsApp or Snapchat or Insta. It’s just how it is and if she can’t she’ll get left out. Simple truth. I wish these things didn’t matter. But making my daughter fight the fight for the moral high ground on this wasn’t something I was willing to do.

We compromised on a very locked down smartphone - no social media, no WhatsApp, it switches off automatically overnight, restricted web browsing (no YouTube), needs permission to download any app. She uses it for her school MS Teams messages and access to homework on the school system, plus school emails. We can use it to track her on the way to school, which is also useful. Some of her friends (Y8) manage without a smartphone, but they do need a laptop to do the same things, so I don’t see the difference.

Mine are allowed to take pictures of their homework or whiteboards so it's useful for them to have a smartphone.

WhatsApp can be useful too, a good tone to teach her how to use it sensibly

Oh and mine aren't on Facebook, Instagram etc at the ages of 12 and 14. The 14 yr old doesn't want it, she would be allowed if she chooses

I think this has changed so much in the last couple of years (especially since lockdown)

I have thought long and hard about screen time and social media.

It seems that prohibition doesn't work.

What seems to work is early adoption with restrictions, teaching and engagement about how to use them safely.

Mine are not allowed devices after 8pm so I know they aren't pissing around on them at night. Also like other posters, I check phones regularly.

It seems like the way forward - trust and continual review/conversation.

Oh and I saw someone on Twitter gleefully declaring that their child will only have access to the landline until they're 16. I mean wtf.

Who really uses their landline for chatting? Teenagers? Really?

Ours is turned off due to bloody ppi crap

I cannot believe that any teen in the uk would be ok with this.

It'd be like a child in the 80s turning up to school with an abacus rather than a calculator.

Supposed to not use them in school. Reality is teachers let dc use phones to look stuff up when not in computer rooms and just before Christmas they had a full class game of Among us going on. Very few years 7s don’t have a phone. I work and dd walks home. Dh is home and it’s a 10 minute walk but dd often messages me and I love it. I’ve also been able to teach her how to cope in different circumstances which I believe would be harder when she’s older and “knows it all”. Dd1 is now year 8 but I think it’s an essential skill - messaging, understanding impact of messages, learning how to manage group chats. I think it’s part of parenting now.

Yes - part of parenting. Definitely.