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Original poster

what assumptions would you make about a family with four to six children?

676 replies

ChelseeDagger · 16/03/2021 11:15

Not wanting to start a bun fight or being goady in the slightest. Just looking for honest opinions, whether they be positive, negative or neutral.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 18/03/2021 21:14

No one I would hope would suggest that the likes of polio be let run rampant

If it were allowed to run rampant, then the risk would affect everyone, surely, and what is wrong with equal risk of losing at the game of life?

Did you support lockdowns in the face of covid? Did you expect other people to wear a mask so that you would be protected from their germs?

It strikes me that conversations about whether lives are worthy of medical intervention usually refer to 'elderly lives' or in general 'lives of other people', and not the lives of the people having the conversation, or their nearest and dearest.
.......

@NameChangedForThisFeb21 Flowers
Agree with your opinion of rationed medical care.

mathanxiety · 18/03/2021 21:20

Because a smaller population with a high quality life is a desirable aim whilst a larger population with health problems resulting from lack of medical care is not?

Saying we need the population to shrink is not remotely the same as saying we should stop medical treatment.

The word used by a previous poster was 'crash'. Not 'shrink'.

This implies pandemics, famines, people dying from conditions which are preventable or treatable.

Even shrinking has its down side. You have only to look at the problems faced by Japan for evidence of this.

Shrinking populations mean economic catastrophe.

mathanxiety · 18/03/2021 21:22

Good, it needs to crash. We're still fucked though with everyone thats alive now and advances in medicine.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
theleafandnotthetree · 18/03/2021 22:15

@mathanxiety

No one I would hope would suggest that the likes of polio be let run rampant

If it were allowed to run rampant, then the risk would affect everyone, surely, and what is wrong with equal risk of losing at the game of life?

Did you support lockdowns in the face of covid? Did you expect other people to wear a mask so that you would be protected from their germs?

It strikes me that conversations about whether lives are worthy of medical intervention usually refer to 'elderly lives' or in general 'lives of other people', and not the lives of the people having the conversation, or their nearest and dearest.
.......

@NameChangedForThisFeb21 Flowers
Agree with your opinion of rationed medical care.

Actually I am more than happy for both myself snd my nearest and dearest to have the same logic applied. My parents are in their 70s and 80s and any time they get now is a bonus. While what they do is their business, I absolutely would not be pushing them to take any kind of significant interventions and if asked, would say that nature should take its course. Similarly for myself, once my children are reared and gone I wouldnt be that bothered about what happens to me. Im not that special, just another collection of molecules in the grand scheme of things. I am a very cheerful person believe it or not, live well and take good care of myself but me and my life is but a speck.

When I referred to vaccinating against things like polio, I think we should do things which keep people healthy if they are going to be alive, especially for long periods. That's quite different to something like Covid which predominately kills (much) older people. To be honest, I am still torn as to whether I think we should have taken the approach we have.

theleafandnotthetree · 18/03/2021 22:18

Well according to this in todays Guardian, the days of big families, msybe any families are numbered. Interesting how nearly all the comments essentially say 'good'

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/mar/18/toxic-chemicals-health-humanity-erin-brokovich

Ineedcoffee2021 · 18/03/2021 22:39

@Shinyflecks

Also I’ve never heard anyone say they’d loved to have been an only child. Those with lots of siblings on here simply don’t recognise the benefits they reap now.
Id have loved it As an adult me and my brother have spoken 3 times in over 15 years
FuckMeImFamous · 19/03/2021 09:58

Also I’ve never heard anyone say they’d loved to have been an only child

My DH and two of my best friends absolutely loved it

Okbussitout · 19/03/2021 10:13

@FuckMeImFamous

Also I’ve never heard anyone say they’d loved to have been an only child

My DH and two of my best friends absolutely loved it

I'm not sure I've ever heard a one say they'd love 5 siblings.
Ohnomoreno · 19/03/2021 10:14

I would think they were either very poor, or very rich. Also, OMFG.

Zenithbear · 19/03/2021 10:30

That the mother is obsessed with babies
That going abroad would be a nightmare
That the older children will be little parents and their needs largely unmet.
That there will be favourites.
That it's definitely not for me which is why I stopped when I did.
I am from a large family and may be projecting.

oblada · 19/03/2021 10:35

Zenithbear - we are all projecting. Our assumptions are based on our personal experiences and what we've seen.
Re travel abroad - actually it's not that difficult. We go abroad 3-4 times a year (2 to 3 times to see family and we try to do one holiday abroad elsewhere as well if we can).

theleafandnotthetree · 19/03/2021 10:37

Things are much less difficult when you have plenty of money, as you must have, regardless of how many children you have.

LindaEllen · 19/03/2021 10:50

I don't make assumptions on people due to number of children alone.

I know someone I went to school with who has 6 (and we're only 30 in fact she's still 29!) and I'm absolutely in awe of how she deals with them, plus works too.

I know another who has 5 who has never worked and was heard saying she needed to have another to get a bigger council house.

There's very different types of large families.

HotCrossBumsticks · 19/03/2021 10:53

I have 5 children. I am not poor, I am not rich. I am not religious. I am not obsessed with babies. My children are all happy, healthy, well adjusted young people who all get on and enjoy their lives, their siblings, their home etc very much. They have foreign holidays and nice clothes, and hobbies. They're like any other kids.

May of these responses are insane.

SilverRoe · 19/03/2021 11:16

I don’t understand why anyone bothers to ask for assumptions or to make them. Every family is different regardless of the number of kids. FWIW i come from a large family and my experience was of neglect and no money because they could neither afford us all or wanted to put in the time to parent is all. My life choices in the younger adult arena were seriously hampered by this. I wish i’d been an only child.

None of that is got any bearing on whether you OP are a good parent and your five kids are well looked after so i’d assume nothing about you or about large families in general other than it is literally impossible to give the same amount of individual time, energy and attention to lots of kids as it is to give to 1-2 as a parent. That’s just a fact.

HotCrossBumsticks · 19/03/2021 11:32

iterally impossible to give the same amount of individual time, energy and attention to lots of kids as it is to give to 1-2 as a parent. That’s just a fact.

No, it is not a fact. Each parent is different, and some are incapable of giving time and attention to one child. Others are capable of giving huge amounts of time and attention to 5 children. There are families of 5 children where the children get far more parental attention that familes of only children.
As a pp said, parenting is not maths. It's not a fact, it's your opinion.

Wagsandclaws · 19/03/2021 11:56

I have five, although my eldest three are 28/25/22 I then had an 11 year gap between the youngest and was divorced and single for quite a while.

When I met DH in my mid 30's he was a couple of years younger than me and didn't have any ( very young ) children so we had another two who are now 12 and 8. He has always been a wonderful step-dad to my other three so it was a no brainer to have one ( which turned out to be two in the end ) with him.

It's not the same as having lots of young children at once but I love it at Christmas and love it when they are all together. The older ones adore their younger siblings, and vice versa.

We aren't financially responsible for five so I guess that makes a difference but DH is a higher earner and our youngest DC are in independent education and we are very comfortable, youngest DS still gets his brothers hand-me-downs though!

I am lucky enough to be a sahm through choice, I went to university when I was a single Mum to my older three dc and that was hard work and we were quite hard up.

I always said to DH if i could have I'd have had one more after our youngest DC, it has has been the best journey being a Mum again and I love every minute of it.

I never ever take for granted how lucky we are, I am so glad I had each and every one of them. I am looking forward to being a grandma with eldest DD (28) in the next few years as she is getting married this June.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 19/03/2021 13:44

Most of the folk I know with 4+ dc are religious, and I know several larger families in the home educating community. I certainly wouldn’t make snap judgments, that’s just my experience.
I was an only child, and always knew I wanted more than one. Ended up having three.

Laytwir024 · 19/03/2021 20:44

@ConeHat

I have four so I would presume they are a bit mad 😉

I have a environmental biology degree so I care about the environment more than the adverage Joe. I lived it and breathed environmental science for three years. The key thing I took my degree over 20 years ago was we was ironically fucked even then. Me having 2 extra kids when my sibling is childless make fuck all impact from.the course we are on. It's all far, far too late.

I like this because it's what I've been saying for ages, but also terrifies me.
Montsti · 05/07/2021 08:35

I have 4 children.

I certainly don’t love babies…that was my worst stage..I don’t have twins.
My first 2 are boy then girl..my children are generally well-behaved (in public - at home can be a different story).
I am very organized and hate chaos..
I am a SAHM and we live abroad. Fortunate enough to have a cleaner but I am one of very few people I know who doesn’t have a nanny/Au pair..
We have enough money to raise our children and be comfortable in the future.
Both dh and I are from 3 children families and didn’t want 3 for that reason. We would have stuck with 2 but something happened close to us that made us want more. In our eyes (I completely understand that many people would disagree), we were fortunate that we were able to.

Montsti · 05/07/2021 08:36

Oh and we’re not religious at all!,

LemonRoses · 05/07/2021 08:40

Most of the larger families I know are perfectly happy and have raised well adjusted, successful adults. Not ours to judge but we do need a younger generation to balance the population and at the moment birth rate is below the death rate.

ConsuelaHammock · 05/07/2021 12:25

Rich, poor or Catholic

IndecentCakes · 05/07/2021 12:34

I'm from a family with that many. We're Christians.

drpet49 · 05/07/2021 12:37

Either they are a blended family

Or

Have loads of money and family support to raise 4-6 children.