what assumptions would you make about a family with four to six children?

[ChelseeDagger]

Not wanting to start a bun fight or being goady in the slightest. Just looking for honest opinions, whether they be positive, negative or neutral.

Re helping - older siblings do help but not as in 'you babysit and I go have a glass of wine' it's more like 'whilst you're doing your homework/watching a movie/playing whatever can you keep an eye on your younger sibling for 5mins so I can get something out of the garage/tidy quickly downstairs/sort yourselves some snack'.
I do think sometimes more kids is easier. I know families with 1 kid where their entire existence seems to revolve around that child and their wants/likes/dislikes. Whereas yes we cannot do that with our 4. We sometimes do activities not all of them love but we talk about it and compromise. Tbh I think that's a healthier way to parent but that's just my view. Kids with siblings tend to be more accommodating (yes probably because they are used to compromising and not having the parents undivided attention) but again I don't think that's a bad thing at all.
We don't ask our older kids to actually parent the younger ones and we do make time for them individually and I have to say they all seem v happy.

Just read all the OP posts.

Can't quite work out if this is a spoof thread or not.

@PopsicleHustler

I have 5 children, a mix of boys and girls and most recently a newborn. People have said we dont care about the government and that we are crazy. Actually, we are not mad, we are in fact very happy. The children all get along and are well looked after and cared for, my husband works very hard , he owns three businesses. We are not millionaires but we live a good life. We also only run one car to leave less of a carbon footprint and we recycle. My Dh and I have always dreamed of a big family. I don't have any family myself and am nc with my siblings and my parents due to a horrific childhood of abuse and neglect. I love children and want to give them the best life that l canto the complete opposite of what I had and went through . Peoppe also assume we are very religious. We definitely are lol. God is great.

You sound lovely but I think you have to own the fact that having a child born into a middle class Western society is about the single most damaging thing one can do environmentally when you think of the resources they will consume over a lifetime. To do it 5 times over....you can recycle til you're blue in the face but it's a drop in the ocean. It really does need to be replacement level at this point.

Each child will need a house probably a car. They will want to travel etc and will likely have families of their own. The fact mum did some recycling when they were a child doesn’t really cut it!

I get it’s an inconvenient truth though I bloody love travel myself and hate how bad flying is for the environment.

Catholic

So half the people on this thread think that if you have 4 children you must be Catholic?

You know that most Catholics (almost all) use contraception and have no more kids than anyone else, right? And that larger families are no more likely to be Catholic than any other family?

@FullofCurryandparatha

So half the people on this thread think that if you have 4 children you must be Catholic?

You know that most Catholics (almost all) use contraception and have no more kids than anyone else, right? And that larger families are no more likely to be Catholic than any other family?

You do know that Catholics are officially not allowed to use contraception don’t you? It’s against church teaching. Practicing, faithful Catholics who live their lives by the churches teaching will not be using condoms/the pill etc. Only NFP is permitted.

I wouldn't make any assumptions. I know loads of families from all walks of life and situations with 4-6 children. So if that was all I knew, I wouldn't make any assumptions. Tbh I try not to make 'assumptions' because they're often not helpful or correct.

You do know that Catholics are officially not allowed to use contraception don’t you? It’s against church teaching. Practicing, faithful Catholics who live their lives by the churches teaching will not be using condoms/the pill etc. Only NFP is permitted.

You do know that almost all UK catholics don't give a shit about that? It's not the 1950's you know!

You do know that almost all UK catholics don't give a shit about that? It's not the 1950's you know!

I’m intrigued that you know almost all U.K. Catholics. I give a shit about it. Looking around the families at the local churches I attend I’d take a guess they give a shit about it too seeing as lots of them have between 4 and 12 kids. I do distinguish between cultural Catholics (might declare themselves Catholic on a census and expect to have weddings and funerals in church but only attend yearly or less) and practising, faithful Catholics though. I don’t live in the 50s either.

@Sandgrown1970 I think most of us are aware that Catholics are not “suppose” to use contraception. It’s not right to continue to have children that you cannot not emotionally cope with not to mention finically in 2021. Come on.

Either really well off or on benefits

I think when you have so many kids you really are doing a disservice to them all as you can’t possibly give each of them the time and attention they really need and deserve, as it’s split between so many of them.

Of course you’ll always find big families arguing against that, but it’s simply fact. If you have one child they have all your time and attention; if you have five, they are going to suffer and be more neglected than they should be because you simply don’t have the time for them.

I don’t care about the environmental impact, but looking from the POV of the child it really is rather selfish as it’s simply based on what the parent wants rather the what’s best for their existing children and family.

The morals behind making families believe that using contraception is bad is abhorrent IMO

@emilyfrost

I think when you have so many kids you really are doing a disservice to them all as you can’t possibly give each of them the time and attention they really need and deserve, as it’s split between so many of them.

Of course you’ll always find big families arguing against that, but it’s simply fact. If you have one child they have all your time and attention; if you have five, they are going to suffer and be more neglected than they should be because you simply don’t have the time for them.

I don’t care about the environmental impact, but looking from the POV of the child it really is rather selfish as it’s simply based on what the parent wants rather the what’s best for their existing children and family.

I'd argue that giving all your attention to 1 child can actually be more of a disservice. In any event it is so subjective and dependent on the family. Some families with 1 or 2 kids barely find time for them whereas some facilities with 5-6 manage to meet the kids needs perfectly well. Also depends on the children.

I was 1 of 2. My father worked from 7am to 9pm (usual at that time at his level, in France). My mother worked from 8am to 7pm approx (again usual). It was the cleaning lady who welcomed me home every day (and before that I had a nanny). Week-ends - we tended to do 1 family activity on Saturday because I actually insisted on it. But Sunday was just each to their own. My dad often working at home. Or having guests (friends of my parents) for lunch/dinner). I definitely think my parenting is a lot more child focused and I give my children individually a lot more attention than my parents gave me. Not that I hold any grudge against them tbh. I'm well adjusted and I have a good relationship with them

Of course you’ll always find big families arguing against that, but it’s simply fact. If you have one child they have all your time and attention; if you have five, they are going to suffer and be more neglected than they should be because you simply don’t have the time for them

It's not a fact. It's pure bollocks. You can be a terrible mother to one child or to 5, and you can be a great mother to one child or to 5.
Someone with 4 children doesn't have suffering neglected children, fgs! Parenting is not maths, its not a sum of how many hours you spend with your children.

If you think it is, you must also think that SAHM are obviously far better parents than WOHM parents. They have far more time available for their children, so in your notion of time= good parenting, it has to be a fact, right?
But as you know, it is not a fact.

Families! Not facilities!!

I have 4 kids btw

@theleafandnotthetree that ship has long since sailed I'm afraid. Greater wealth in continents like Africa and South America (and subsequent population growth), plus the current population of China and of course fewer infant mortalities everywhere mean we are pretty much fucked. Barring a major ecological disaster which wipes most of us out it won't be many more generations before we have totally destroyed the planet. There's far too many of us already and everyone would need to have one child or less. Which is g going to happen!

"I'd argue that giving all your attention to 1 child can actually be more of a disservice."

Agree oblada in a class setting children need to share their teacher.

Giving a child your sole attention isn't healthy all the time, they can't be centre of attention at all times. Not realistic in the real life.

@emilyfrost

I think when you have so many kids you really are doing a disservice to them all as you can’t possibly give each of them the time and attention they really need and deserve, as it’s split between so many of them.

Of course you’ll always find big families arguing against that, but it’s simply fact. If you have one child they have all your time and attention; if you have five, they are going to suffer and be more neglected than they should be because you simply don’t have the time for them.

I don’t care about the environmental impact, but looking from the POV of the child it really is rather selfish as it’s simply based on what the parent wants rather the what’s best for their existing children and family.

I agree it’s common sense the more kids you have the harder it is to divide your time even a trip to the park if one child runs off and you have another 3 kids. People are getting on the defence because they know it’s true. It’s funny how the parents speak from their point of view “I always wanted a big family”. Did the siblings though?

Taking 6 kids swimming is not the same as 2 children. I’m not sure how it’s beneficial. Surely having 6 kids is a hindrance in some ways.

I have 4 dc. 2 boys, 2 girls.
They’re beautiful, kind and clever children - all different etc.
I’m an only child - I wanted my children to always have each other. My children are never lonely. Like I was most of my childhood and even now I miss not having a sibling, especially in these difficult times.
Oh and we don’t claim any benefits, own our own house etc.
Some of these opinions are just awful.

May17th - I don't agree. And it depends on the age gaps. If we go swimming now for instance 2 of my kids are fully independent. The other 2 will be with me and my husband. If they were all needing help then we wouldn't all go, I'd take 1 or 2 or something and DH would do something else with the others.
Are you suggesting that single parent household are problematic too?
Actually my kids did ask for their siblings but of course we didn't have more children just because they asked...

[quote Mintychocolate]@theleafandnotthetree that ship has long since sailed I'm afraid. Greater wealth in continents like Africa and South America (and subsequent population growth), plus the current population of China and of course fewer infant mortalities everywhere mean we are pretty much fucked. Barring a major ecological disaster which wipes most of us out it won't be many more generations before we have totally destroyed the planet. There's far too many of us already and everyone would need to have one child or less. Which is g going to happen![/quote]
Im afraid I agree but I guess I'd rather keep my own conscience if not clean - none of us living as we do can claim that - but at least only grubby. I regard having any more than one or two children irresponsible and once it creeps up to 5 or 6, baffling and unconscionable.

I'm going to say as a large sibling group none of us siblings have replicated this, we all have one or two dc.