what assumptions would you make about a family with four to six children?

[ChelseeDagger]

Not wanting to start a bun fight or being goady in the slightest. Just looking for honest opinions, whether they be positive, negative or neutral.

Having a sibling or siblings is great and on balance a good thing for the child too. But theres no need or added benefit from having 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 surely. Quite the reverse

Mmm

@oblada how have you jumped to single parent households? For your information I am a single parent household myself! My opinion bears no reflection on that

When I had DS I was not a single parent. People who have 4 children have made those choices that’s the difference most SP don’t choose to be a SP

@Shinyflecks I am one of 4. Big ages gap so I grew up closely with my DB. However I’m the eldest and finically it was a lot of strain on my DM!! Having 4 kids & a 10+ age gap personally I think she was mad to start again rather than stick to the 2 kids she had. It was not for our benefit as such!

The worlds birth rate is actually in decline

@Shinyflecks

The worlds birth rate is actually in decline

Good, it needs to crash. We're still fucked though with everyone thats alive now and advances in medicine.

My ds1 is 14 he’s in the real awkward stage. When he comes home from school he smiles and hugs his youngest sister and they usually play duplo together. She is 4, he is 14. It’s wonderful to see and I actually think it’s almost like play therapy for him. We do have a very hands on grandma, who loves them. I would love nothing more than 3+ 4+ adult siblings @May17th

@Ineedaneasteregg I suspect you maybe taking that for granted?

@Shinyflecks it’s funny how we want what others have. Your story as an only sounds like it’s down to your upbringing and I have read similar on here before to you. I think there’s no guarantees it’s not about being a bad/good parent. But the bigger/more kids you have you may not all get on as siblings, there is more chance of fall outs and so on.
Finically you will have less and if your not wealthy it is an issue let’s be honest.

I am best friends with an only and she has and still has a wonderful life. She states she was never lonely as a child as she always had places to go and she spent a lot of time with her own cousins.

If you asked your friend if she’d have liked a sibling I guarantee she’d say yes. I have friends who sadly don’t get on with their 1 sibling - it’s hard for them. If they had 2+ 3+ siblings there’s bound to be 1 you’d get on with ;)

My parents were nice etc. Normal middle class upbringing. But it was a triangle. Them and me. I’d have loved comrades.

@Shinyflecks what am I taking for granted?

Also I’ve never heard anyone say they’d loved to have been an only child. Those with lots of siblings on here simply don’t recognise the benefits they reap now.

@Ineedaneasteregg You insinuate you’ve made a better choice for having less children than your parents without really realising the benefits having lots of siblings has made to your character, your countenance, your confidence.

May17th - because a single parent household with 2 kids is similar to a 2 parents household with 4 kids if you consider that time and attention to children is like maths.

On the environment stance - I seriously doubt anyone actually decides not to have children/more children solely on that basis. It's just used to confirm their original decision. Which is fine. My decision was different that's all.

@Shinyflecks

If you asked your friend if she’d have liked a sibling I guarantee she’d say yes. I have friends who sadly don’t get on with their 1 sibling - it’s hard for them. If they had 2+ 3+ siblings there’s bound to be 1 you’d get on with ;)

I have definitely asked her. She said no. Tbh as a kid I thought been an only was a bit odd I could not understand....however now that I’m a mum myself and have a better understanding of things and her life.I can see how someone would choose to have less kids, She has a very good life! I’m sure she would have had a good life still even if her mother had of decided to have 2 children.

Finically she is from a good background her mother has a good job and her dad runs a business. I know it’s not all about money don’t get me wrong. As an adult I think these things are important she has a good career because of the influence of her own parents and they have had the time to guide her.

Hahaha you say it casually that your from a middle class background. I hope I word this correctly but you do realise that is a privilege in itself? Nobody has it all in life. So maybe you didn’t have siblings but you may have had other advantages compared to a family of 4/5 kids. This is my point.

Shinyflecks a pp had the raised the issue of whether siblings in the large groups chose to replicate them.
I thought I would give the example of my sibling group where no member has chosen to do this.

There are positives, particularly as adults to having a large sibling group but none of us wished to recreate our childhood regardless of the benefits of character it bestowed upon us.

@Shinyflecks I love my Dsis but I don’t think my life would have been worse without her, in fact if I had been an only child we wouldn’t have had so many money worries.

@oblada

May17th - because a single parent household with 2 kids is similar to a 2 parents household with 4 kids if you consider that time and attention to children is like maths.

On the environment stance - I seriously doubt anyone actually decides not to have children/more children solely on that basis. It's just used to confirm their original decision. Which is fine. My decision was different that's all.

I am seriously unsure whether to have more than one child because of the impact on the environment and I would definitely not have more than two, specifically for that reason. So now you know at least one person really does think this way.

Also we by no means poor but important to us to be able to support our dc through university and we no way low income but would balk at doing this for 4!

PattyPan - and there is no other significant factor? I'm seriously dubious of any woman saying she will simply ignore her own 'ideal' family 'vision' when she can have it merely for environmental reason. I'll remain very doubtful. Consciously or not I struggle to imagine the deciding factor is the environment. But hey ho if so good on you.

@oblada nope. I have arranged many aspects of my life in order to minimise my impact on the environment, from where I live to what I do in my spare time and pretty much all of my purchasing decisions, family size is no different. I genuinely feel that we have a strong moral obligation to do what we can for the environment wherever possible.

Totally agree @oblada

This is such a subjective conversation. For one mother, having one child might push her to the end of her limits of parenting. Another woman might not feel this with 3/4/5 kids and be able to parent them better than someone who finds it difficult to cope with one.

I also find it interesting how three kids is regarded as totally normal but four is apparently another level. I personally found 1-2 the hardest transition. We have four.

Also surely a family with 4+ kids who have help (whether paid or family or whatever) and a stay at home parent could in many situations arguably be able to provide more ‘quality’ parenting time than a family with two children who have both parents working full time.

I guess my point is it totally depends and we ought not to judge on numbers alone. Going back to my original point, I have never met anyone in real life who has quoted environmental factors as a deciding factor in the number of children they have. Not saying they don’t exist, just I have never met one in my experience. I have met plenty of people who have quoted cost or their ability to cope with / allocate resources to further children.

@oblada totally fair enough

PattyPan - good on you. If so you are a tiny minority. I'm a pretty altruistic person and I care about the environment but no I am not ready to sacrifice effectively my happiness for it. It may be selfish, I think it's just human tbh. If I hadn't been sure I wanted a big family then yes absolutely environment would have been a factor in the equation.

I agree, I'd be of a similar mindset. What grinds my gears is people who profess great concern for the environment, lecture other people about it....and have 4+children. Literally none of the other vegan-eating, hemp clothes wearing, etc etc makes even a dent on THAT monumental decision..