what assumptions would you make about a family with four to six children?

[ChelseeDagger]

Not wanting to start a bun fight or being goady in the slightest. Just looking for honest opinions, whether they be positive, negative or neutral.

It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest if they were financially able to raise their children themselves. For me this means owning a home, working and not claiming anything other than child benefit (if even entitled to it) or the 30 hours/ tax free childcare. If they’re on any other benefits at all, then they can’t afford it and shouldn’t be having more than 1 or 2.

The families I know with four or more DC all have powerhouses for Mums. My presumptions about them is based on my own experiences and I've struggled with parenthood so when I see a family with lots of dc, apparently well and happy, I just think the Mums must be extraordinary women.

Only thing I’d think is jealousy as I’d love another but age/finances say no

My youngest two have additional needs so it's not all rosy all of the time as others are pointing out if you have 4+. You do have to be extremely organised every day. Especially on school days!

4, nothing really. I am one of 4 and whilst I would like to stop at 3 would maybe consider it if dh was really keen.

5 or 6 I would think they were crazy and tired.

4, nothing. Me and DH are both one of four, we tried to have number 4 ourselves but it wasn't to be.

5 or 6 I'd probably just think 'that must be hard work!' especially if there were 3 or more with fairly small age gaps. DD and DS2 were 23 months apart and I found that hard enough (DS1 7), can't imagine having more little ones at the same time!

I'd just think they must really love children, and feel slightly jealous that each pregnancy/birth/child was easy enough for them to want more. I stopped at one because I hated pregnancy and childbirth and I find parenting really tough!
I can be quite a judgy person but this isn't something I feel strongly about. There are plenty of people who damage the environment and take advantage of the benefit system in worse ways.

Religious and don't care about environment.

[quote ChelseeDagger]@theleafandnotthetree

I'd go along with your supposition actually.

All of my children are beautiful, kind, high acheivers. I do think I have done society a great service by producing them. And no, I'm not being facetious, simply candid.[/quote]

Oh my god. 🙄

I have 4 and we decided on 4 because we have a big enough house so they all have a bedroom each and I was able to leave my job when I had my youngest to be a sahm. My children are all polite and well behaved and my house isn't chaotic at all. I wouldn't of considered a 4th if I had to work full time though or if our house hadn't of been big enough. They're 13, 10, 7 and 1 so a big age gap between the oldest and youngest but I never expect the older ones to take car of the baby. I love having a bigger family but I am kept very busy, there is alot of washing and tidying to do every day!

Having left a comment earlier on I thought I'd add that I wouldn't expect any of my four children to become babysitters to their siblings. Which is probably why our social lives revolve around our children! It's madness the amount of judgemental attitudes around larger families and the snobbery though on these posts. It's hilarious

@User135792468

It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest if they were financially able to raise their children themselves. For me this means owning a home, working and not claiming anything other than child benefit (if even entitled to it) or the 30 hours/ tax free childcare. If they’re on any other benefits at all, then they can’t afford it and shouldn’t be having more than 1 or 2.

Ugh. Afaik the other benefits are capped at 2 children post 2017.

It sure has brought out the most judgemental posters! And the most racist. It's a peculiarly white British thing to hate, literally hate, on big families

YYY to this, a thousand times.

There are a good few mean-spirited people on this site, and the bigotry evident here is disgusting.

It is not ok or even close to ok to single out specific organised religions for implied or direct disparagement or to assume that people who don't live as you do must be members of a specific religion.

I simply invited posters to show us who they are. The results are as telling as they are sadly predicatable.

@ChelseeDagger
Are you referring to your own family when you say 'us'?

If you're referring to MN in general or to women who have 'large' families, thanks for nothing.

Next time you decide to start a thread where not only you but hundreds of others will be accused of lack of responsibility, please do a canvass around to make sure other people whose life choices will be disparaged and whose religious affiliation will be assumed and either directly or indirectly disparaged too appreciate your efforts.

Or seeing as how the responses are sadly predictable, maybe don't start threads like this at all?

Holding me accountable for the prejudices of others won't make those prejudices any less palatable.

@ChelseeDagger
I am not holding you accountable for others' opinions.

I am holding you accountable for inviting the holders of unfounded, nasty, prejudiced, and bigoted assumptions to spew their bilge here.

It is not ok or even close to ok to single out specific organised religions for implied or direct disparagement or to assume that people who don't live as you do must be members of a specific religion.

And allow me to add - the implication of a specific ethnicity isn't far behind.

Religion and ethnicity are protected characteristics, and last time I checked, it is still legal in the UK to choose to bear a child.

@nevernotstruggling I may be wrong but I don’t think benefits like universal credit, housing benefit etc. take into account the number of children a family has. If you can’t afford to put a roof over your head and pay your own bills without state help then you can’t afford a large family. There are plenty of large families who have parents who made the decision and can fully afford it.

Either rich, cultural influence or religious. Or they just love having kids 🤷🏼‍♀️

In my experience they are often blended families, but where they are not, the parents want a larger family and often sacrifice other things to achieve this. Occasionally they are very wealthy so a large family doesn’t impact them in the same way as it would the rest of us.

For some, the last pregnancy was an accidental pregnancy that they couldn’t bring themselves to terminate. This happened to a friend...and it was twins!

That if there is adequate clothing, food and shelter then they are very very lucky.

I know a family with 5 boys and the last child is a girl....hoping they will stop now

That they are Mormon, because I live in Utah USA and 4-6 children, or even 8 children is nothing here, it’s a common everyday occurrence. Incidentally we are not Mormon, and we have one child. I get, ‘only the one?’ All the time.

@annonnymous my aunt had the exact same. She stopped after she got her girl but ironically they don’t even get on that well now!

I’d think, Great! More young people to care for me in old age, to work and pay taxes, to keep the country running, to parent the following generation.
Birth rates in affluent countries are plummeting, causing largely old, unproductive populations with all the subsequent problems.