what assumptions would you make about a family with four to six children?

[ChelseeDagger]

Not wanting to start a bun fight or being goady in the slightest. Just looking for honest opinions, whether they be positive, negative or neutral.

[quote ZednotZee]@nevernotstruggling none of my five children's names are in any way coordinated. They're individuals, not an outfit.

Please tell me you children's names don't begin with K. I don't think I could take it [/quote]
Yes Hun they are both K names with 3 hyphens each.

Not bothered about the environment

Either loaded, or not intending to support the kids through further education

Really into babies

@PattyPan

Fear, not! I have included it on DS15's goals card. He aims to get back to you in ten to fifteen years, if that suits?

Of course I find my prejudices utterly tedious, being as I am so well aquainted with them.

I really should have read the thread first - sorry OP, I can see you’re a bit defensive about people’s views. You did ask for them, but that doesn’t automatically make them easy to hear! I’m sure your children are lovely - I think most children are, really, and I wouldn’t assume that coming from a large family would make them less likely to be so.

@FullofCurryandparatha

This a really nasty thread, even by MN standards. How do you think the mothers of 4plus children feel looking at this?

It sure has brought out the most judgemental posters! And the most racist. It's a peculiarly white British thing to hate, literally hate, on big families.

I'd wonder if the parents were trying to fill a void in their relationship. At least three couples I know seemed to have turbulent marriages yet at the same time kept having more kids. God knows why. All are now divorced.

That said my uncle and aunt had eight dcs (Catholics) and they have a wonderful, loving family and still a very happy couple. My cousins all seem to have chosen to have small families themselves now though.

I don't think she has been at all defensive.

On the contrary, I think it winds a lot of you up that she hasn't been, I mean how dare she?

Religion? New Age? Rich? Love kids? Accidents? These are only a few of loads of reasons. The people I know who have large families seem pretty laid back, not much fazes them. The women I knew in the 70s with big families were all long floaty dresses, home cooking/baking and some were home schooling at a time when this was far less a thing than it is now. All seemed happy families as far as could be seen from the outside. I think other people's choices are really interesting. I only had one. People on these threads often comment on this. Not offended in the least. If I don't want to engage/explain I can just scroll on by.

Being from a similar set up... that you can either afford to help these kids through apprenticeships and university or you’re winging it. That you have time for all of them emotionally or you’re skimming your relationships with them. I wouldn’t make assumptions on which camp you fall in but that’s how it often plays out

Maybe I’ve just misread it! It’s hard to judge the tone of people’s posts online. I just felt like there was an element of defensive justification in the stuff about the kids benefitting society, when of course OP doesn’t have to justify her family size to anyone.

My own assumptions aren’t particularly negative but I felt bad when I read OP’s further posts and thought she was finding them hard to hear. I’ll happily stand by them if I’ve got that wrong and she’s actually fine about it

Hm, 10 years might be a bit late. Do you have an older one?

I don't think I was defending my choices by alluding to the fact that DH and I have produced particularly wonderful offspring.
I actually feel inordinately fortunate to have the family that we do; nonwithstanding the fact that its human nature to feel envy when others appear to effortlessly accrue such good fortune.

I am sympathetic to those who feel the need to 'pull me down a peg or two'
As I stated upthread, under differing circumstances, I'd hate me too, arrogant as that may sound in black and white.

In actuality myself, DH and the children are legitimately nice people. Whether anybody on MN believes that or not is largely immaterial to our day to day lives.

@ChelseeDagger fwiw I think you come across as much nicer and better humoured than a lot of the other contributors to this thread.

I had four - I was one of four myself and so that felt like the 'right' number for me. DH was an only child in a family who desperately wanted more but couldn't have them. He wishes he had siblings, so was also happy to have the number we do.

I didn't have them because I just love babies or wanted one of the opposite sex (people often assume this and it honestly isn't true) and my older DC have never been left to fend for themselves or help raise the youngest. There's a bit of a gap between the first three and the last, so all of my children have had my time and attention.
We aren't rich but do have a good income - my DC have not been deprived - they always had new clothes, latest playstation games, financial support through university etc.
We are not religious or poorly educated or crap with contraception either. We just thought that the first two turned out so well it would be rude not to share with the worl a couple more

Beautiful. I love a big family! I come from one and I loved it

I would wonder if they were catholic or if the husband had a really high sperm count!

I'd just assume that they really like children, that their home is likely to be busy, fun and full of lovely children's noise and that the weekly grocery shop must be expensive and hard work!

Rich, religious or a blended family

@EveningOverRooftops I'm so sorry that was your experience. It sounds very similar to my 2 friends from large families as I mentioned in my earlier post.

They have minimal, barely dutiful contact with their parents and siblings now as felt ignored and/or used for chores/sibling sitting for most of their childhoods.

No assumptions as it’s non of my god damn business 😊

Ha! Everyone makes assumptions, even if they don’t realise it. It’s human nature.

They love kids and all that goes with it must be very happy

Extremely strange thread! To ask for opinions on something you know is controversial for some then to get cross when the asked for opinions are given. Then to defend yourself by proclaiming how marvellous you and your offspring are. Bonkers!

Also I don’t think it’s possible for an individual to declare they are “nice” it’s not your call to make others will draw their own conclusions as to your character based on your behaviour.

Oh and all mothers think their own children are beautiful talented and a credit to the planet 😁. It’s just cringe to say so - except possibly to granny!

Lucky for them they live in a country with ‘free’ education and ‘free’ healthcare and welfare ‘entitlement’ -ie paid for by other (more responsible) people

My initial thought would be 'Wow I bet the parents have their work cut out.'
Next thought, how nice unless they were a very unruly bunch with screaming parents then I would think how awful and why don't they care for their children.
Context is everything.