what assumptions would you make about a family with four to six children?

[ChelseeDagger]

Not wanting to start a bun fight or being goady in the slightest. Just looking for honest opinions, whether they be positive, negative or neutral.

Exactly this. I know lots of 3 child families, but 4 usually means loaded, on benefits, or very committed to a particular ethos, the few I know it's religion or homeschooling or both.

You'd be wrong with me.

I have 4. Always worked apart from 1 year where I didn't.

I have a degree, yes I have to watch my money but my kids are doing good. Ones in uni, ones a store manager and my younger 2 are doing great aged 13 and 10.

I have a good life now, not rich but not very poor either.

Behaviour and appearance would have me judging if I was going to, more than the number. If all are filthy and badly behaved, because parents can't be arsed disciplining them, I have more issue with that

@Miljea

I have no problem with what you just said, in fact I agree in principle.

However I do find it very presumptous of you to to believe that simply by comimg from a large family you are in fact less likely to become a net contributor. I don't think there's any evidence to support this view.

I have five children, we are both working professionals I fully expect my children to be economically beneficial in their adulthood.

I'd think their kids were good sleepers, also that they must share the childcare well. Basically projecting the reasons I couldn't possibly cope with that many.

@blowinahoolie

Many here have filled in the gaps in their knowledge and experience with all sorts of nastiness. Lack of imagination isn't the problem.

[quote May17th]@EveningOverRooftops I’m glad you have said your side! If some are rattled it’s maybe OP has touched a nerve [/quote]
I’m always rattling cages

Thanks. It wasn’t great. We had 3 kids to a room. One time the landlord evicted us and we were squeezed into a 1 bed flat.

One bathroom in every house we lived in too so that was fun.

Even now with DC o crave my own bathroom. The invasion of my privacy is too much to bear and I know it’s all rooted in childhood because I never got to establish those firm boundaries of being able to pee alone or bathe alone as a kid.

Always some under 5 barging in the bathroom because the ‘really got to pee’ and it’s so important kids are allowed to have that privacy and set those boundaries because they’ll struggle as adults.

That they like children....and they are better at dealing with babies' sleep than I was!!

I know 3 families with 5+ children.

One was a very committed catholic. (I also know quite a lot of catholics with 1, 2 or 3 children with “typical age gaps”.)
One extreme contraception failure. (They intended to stop at 3 - cue surprise baby twins!)
One was on benefits and had their last baby just before the “2 kids” rule came in in 2017.

I know several with 4 - generally they either really like kids and/or they had a contraception failure. To me 4 seems much less of a big deal than 5+. Not sure why 5 is the “wow! That’s a LOT of kids” but 4 isn’t for me but it is.

@EveningOverRooftops I was so sad to read your post. I am sorry.
My SIL is like this (8DC) and we always used to do everything possible for her kids when they were younger, because otherwise they didn't get anything.

We have four DC ourselves and love them immensely. Neither rich nor poor but comfortable. We don't own our own home, I was a SAHM for several years but built up a small business around the family and returned to work full time (teacher) last year.
Life is busy, full, we are tired but happy. We take the kids on as many camping holidays as we can (Obv not at the moment) and our kids all seem to be happy. We would like to move as we only have three bedrooms (but an enormous garden in a rural village setting) but the kids don't want to, so we leave it for the moment. I am sure as they are teenagers they will start to want their own space...

That they must be very, very busy. I know a fair few large families with twins and triplets. Most of them did not set out to have large families so I don’t know what else you could assume. Of course there is the odd family with 4 sets of twins.... but most have gone back for a 2nd or 3rd and ended up with 4-6 kids. Or had a surprise pregnancy that turned out to be multiple surprises..

I know a lady who is one of 8. As much as I like her, she is a bit of an attention seeker and has a habit of talking on and on about herself which I put down to her not getting much attention growing up. I know she ended up in a pupil referral unit at school as well, I think because of her behaviour. Obviously I can't speak for her but I don't think she enjoyed having that many siblings.

Also, family of atheists.

And we get the tv comment a lot. (Strangely it was broken when DC4 was conceived due to a wii remote incident... hahaha.)

@GintyMcGinty, asking for a thread inviting opinions on other people's choices not to turn onto a bunfight is called 'being disingenuous'.

If this thread was a drinking game I would be under the table at this point, thanks to all the boringly predictable piety and pearl clutching.

That they love children and want a big family.

Apologies if repeating what anyone else has said, but a lot of the nice, comfortable middle class families I know who have 4+ have a kind of an arrogance about them (the parent or parents I mean). They give the impression their genes and their offspring are so special that the more of them in the world the better. Two of the Dads I know are particularly like this, altthough very hands on are still very much alpha male types and subconsciously at least, I think there is a 'spreading my seed' kind of vibe to them

@mathanxiety

Holding me accountable for the prejudices of others won't make those prejudices any less palatable.

I simply invited posters to show us who they are. The results are as telling as they are sadly predicatable.

I'm one of 4, both my parents always worked and also spent a lot of time with us. My mum went back to work within 3 or 4 months of having all of us, but her parents were retired and helped out a lot. We weren't rich and our house was always tidy. I have no idea how they did it though as a struggle with 2.

I don't think I'd react much really to someone telling me how many children they had until it was about 6+. Until I joined MN I didn't even know people considered environmental impact when planning families.

Oh and also that they don't care about the environment that much or worse, do care but think they and their offspring are soooo special that exceptions must be made. In fact two of the people I know with 4+ profess to be total greenies and lecture other people on what to do. I dont be long pointing out the hypocrisy

@theleafandnotthetree

I'd go along with your supposition actually.

All of my children are beautiful, kind, high acheivers. I do think I have done society a great service by producing them. And no, I'm not being facetious, simply candid.

The only big family I know 6± kids is single parent, different dads, on benefits in a large council house. But that's actually the only one I know, others I would assume lots of money, love kids, religious or from a different country where they have big families maybe?..most people I know have 1 or 2 kids these days. Three is thought of as we are definitely done more often than not. From my experience anyway.

@theleafandnotthetree my husband probably gives off this sort of vibe 😂

"All of my children are beautiful, kind, high acheivers. I do think I have done society a great service by producing them. And no, I'm not being facetious, simply candid."

Well if your assessment of their virtues is accurate and if they have the same high opinion of themselves as their mother clearly does, it pains me to say it because I abhor arrogance in all its forms, but you're probably right.

Wealthy

That they must really love kids and have ALOT of patience.

[quote ChelseeDagger]@theleafandnotthetree

I'd go along with your supposition actually.

All of my children are beautiful, kind, high acheivers. I do think I have done society a great service by producing them. And no, I'm not being facetious, simply candid.[/quote]
Wow, that's honest. Fair play to you for that at least