what assumptions would you make about a family with four to six children?

[ChelseeDagger]

Not wanting to start a bun fight or being goady in the slightest. Just looking for honest opinions, whether they be positive, negative or neutral.

4 I wouldn’t bat an eyelid. I know lots of families with 4, they’re definitely the minority but all my kids who have kids who are 1 of 4. Also one of my best friends has 4. All nice well adjusted kids who don’t miss out on anything material.

Anything more than 4, is very rare. The people I know with more than 4 are religious or went for a 4th and got twins. Apart from one family at school who had 5 kids all in a very expensive private school

I always wonder if they are able to make adequate pension contributions and if they understand compound interest. Having a comfortable retirement is important to me though but people have different priorities.

Why is it assumed bigger families must be messy/chaotic? My 4 were always well behaved, did chores, enjoyed varied hobbies, organisation is the key.
Tbf, it’s the one or two kid families I’ve come across where the kids are spoiled and feral, some very judgy people on here.

fullofcurryandparathas

I think eveningoverrooftops has articulated rather well why one mustn't assume 'happy (big) families'.

Is she, too, 'stupid'?

Or expressing her lived experience....

I think eveningoverrooftops has articulated rather well why one mustn't assume 'happy (big) families'

Why would one assume that? Or the opposite? Rather daft to assume either, I would have thought that entirely obvious.

It's funny, of the 6 current families I know with 4+ kids (n=4, 4, 4, 5, 6, 7), they are

Religious: Sort of. 2 are observant Muslim, and of the dads is long lapsed from a religious minority (I forget which one)

Rich: None

step or blended: None

Benefits: I suspect one family is, they also work long hours.

@ScarfaceCwaw

Probably that they like children? Or else are Catholic/Mormon/some other religion that are keen on all teh babiez.

I don’t think it’s the babies they’re necessarily keen on!

4 - I wouldn’t think anything at all.

Above that - as others have said - very wealthy, struggling or religious (so, as my first comment alludes to, contraception doesn’t really feature).

And: the sheer maths, curry, it isn't difficult! You have 6 hours and 2 kids; you have 6 hours and 6 kids.

All the big families I know have ££ so, private schools, own bedrooms, all hobbies, household staff so mum isn't cooking all evening; overseas holiday with the nanny.

And: the sheer maths, curry, it isn't difficult! You have 6 hours and 2 kids; you have 6 hours and 6 kids

Parenting isn't maths. Are you suggesting every SAHM is far better than every WOHM? They have more time with their children after all......no, thought not.
Maths indeed. Jog on!

That they must really love themselves to foist more than the usual number of their genes upon the world!

I know lots. Most are very ordinary, very happy and have reasonable standards of housekeeping. Mixture of state and primary schooling.
Drive people carriers.
Most have working mothers, but not all.
Nothing to assume really. All very different.

Bit greedy tbh. You did ask op 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would also make the assumption that I wouldn't have very much in common with the mum - anyone who would actively want to go through the experience of raising four plus kids would be my polar opposite.

I’d be fascinated and in awe, would also wonder how they coped.

@Moirarose2021

I wouldn't say anything, but I wonder why have so many and why not move past the raising young children and move onto the next stage of their lives.

Yeah I sort of think this. Like they couldn't think of anything more interesting to do.

Either very very rich or very poor

I have four. Oldest is 9, they are two years apart.

We are by most standards very well off. I worked full time in a full on city job (took maternity leave for each) until I was pregnant with number four when I resigned and I have been home since then. That was a big change.

I know a few families with four.

I found hardest going from 1 to 2.

If someone tells me that they have 4 or more children I assume that they must be fairly laid back, I think you’d need to be. I’m too highly strung and couldn’t cope with the mess, noise and busyness that comes with having lots of children. I can barely cope with one 😂

That they were rich!

Religious or a bit nutty

I have five children. We are pretty much from the evangelical Christian “Jehovah Jireh” camp - and it has worked!

Anything more than 4, is very rare
It realy isn't!! Not where I live anyway!!😂😂😂
Going back to when my kids were in school- ds2 us 20 now. We were one of the few that only had 2.
I know so many families, both personally and professionally with 5 Plus. A few of my friends seem to have done it in two stages. Had two or three kids young, then had a break for 8- 10 years and then had another two ( same parents) i have to admit.it, it's not something I fancied doing!

@Spillanelle funny you say that. People often say I look so calm - I think they just say this to be nice. I am quite an anxious, control-freak Virgo type. Maybe it’s the swan analogy - quiet up top, going crazy beneath the surface 😂

@FullofCurryandparatha

Dunno. As the eldest of 6+ children I can tell you I was pushed out, ignored, used for free childcare, had very little in the way of privacy or my own space, never enough to eat, baths were rationed to once a week even when I had my period, never had the right stuff- football boots etc, everything was hand me downs, never had the money for extra cuticular activities, missed out on so much of the simple things

That's really sad for you. IME though, a good mother is a good mother to as many children as she has, be it 1 or 7. And a bad mother is bad to 1 or 7.
Your experience sounds terrible but its only yours. It's no indication of any one elses family.

There are groups out there for children of big families. I’ve found a few. My experience isn’t unique.

I know two families with six children each. All happy and well adjusted.

That the parents are not introverts and do not need time to themselves, ever! And that they must spend a fair chunk of their time cooking meals and doing laundry.