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what assumptions would you make about a family with four to six children?

676 replies

ChelseeDagger · 16/03/2021 11:15

Not wanting to start a bun fight or being goady in the slightest. Just looking for honest opinions, whether they be positive, negative or neutral.

OP posts:
isadoradancing123 · 16/03/2021 19:09

I would just think they wanted four otherwise why have them

queenofthenorthwest · 16/03/2021 19:11

No one is ever bored.

Chathamhouserules · 16/03/2021 19:11

Blended family, religious, dont care about environment.

Interested in this thread?

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oblada · 16/03/2021 19:13

It depends what you call rich?
I think we're on about 6.5k per month. But we're in the North West so maybe 'rich'? Our childcare costs have averages from 500 to 1300 depending on stages etc. Going forward it will be 1800 for a few years but only because we need a nanny for our youngest (additional needs). It will be a stretch but we can manage it. And yes we make full use of the tax free gvt childcare. Before that we were lucky to both have vouchers through our work.
We don't have any family around so we are paying quite a lot in that way but it's only temporary.

eaglejulesk · 16/03/2021 19:13

I wouldn't think anything! In the block of houses where I live there are only two young families - both have five DC and I see one of the women is pregnant again. They don't appear to be very religious, very wealthy, or very poor - just regular people. One is a blended family, the other has a set of twins.

oblada · 16/03/2021 19:13

(6.5k net as a joint income

JosephineBaker · 16/03/2021 19:14

My assumption is “they are religious” because the vast majority of people I know irl with 5+ children are devout Catholics, Orthodox Jews or Mormons.

intothegarden · 16/03/2021 19:14

That they are catholic. Also that family is a priority to them and that they are prepared to make sacrifices. It's normal to me so I have a positive opinion but clearly not to most!

oblada · 16/03/2021 19:15

Oh and the childcare costs are monthly!
People with lower earnings may choose to stay at home rather than send 2 at nursery or indeed space them out...

TaraR2020 · 16/03/2021 19:16

@oblada

(6.5k net as a joint income
£60,500 or £6,500?

Cos I am seriously impressed if it's the latter!

HerMammy · 16/03/2021 19:19

I have 4DC and never had anyone offer an opinion.
Mine started off 12, twins 7, newborn, I have always worked from they were 1 year old and been self employed for 7 years, eldest 3 all been/ at uni and 4th on track.
I’m not ‘rich’ I’d say comfortable 🤣

Okbussitout · 16/03/2021 19:19

Honestly I judge them negatively. In my opinion it's too many kids. It's environmentally selfish. But also in my opinion when you have that many kids yiure really caught up in yuur own life and I jyst really wonder how much yuu can be bothered about anyone or anything else.

I see it in public a lot when people have loads of kids and they just don't seem to care about how noisy and chaotic the children are. Probably because they're used to it. I also wonder how much individual attention you can give them.

Also it sort of seems like people who have this many kids have made being a parent their personality. Like just seems they have nothing else about them.

I know this seems harsh. But I can't imagine my views are actually going to have any impact!

EveningOverRooftops · 16/03/2021 19:19

@FullofCurryandparatha

This a really nasty thread, even by MN standards. How do you think the mothers of 4plus children feel looking at this?
Dunno. As the eldest of 6+ children I can tell you I was pushed out, ignored, used for free childcare, had very little in the way of privacy or my own space, never enough to eat, baths were rationed to once a week even when I had my period, never had the right stuff- football boots etc, everything was hand me downs, never had the money for extra cuticular activities, missed out on so much of the simple things.

Never had my parents ever show up to any of the things I ever did like school plays.

Parents evenings were always a case of tossing a coin to see which kids teachers would be seen. I’d always have to baby sit.

Never being able to talk to parents without being distracted by multiple young siblings especially when dealing with some personal stuff.

Constantly having to fight for what I needed, finding Personal space, someone to listen, someone to show any interest in anything other than whether I’d done my chores.

Having the room to actually grow and let my personality and interests and skills shine.

Sibling rivalry was (still is) atrocious.

Geepee71 · 16/03/2021 19:21

That they have a mad, loud and crazy house full of noise and love and fun and laughter.
I'm from a large family and love that I have so many siblings.

oblada · 16/03/2021 19:23

Tara - sorry rubbish typing I'm battling tonsillitis and feeling shit :( we get 6.5k net every month (I'm on 45k gross per annum and DH is on 65k gross per annum I think - we do get a few extra grands in September as DH gets about 8k gross in bonus but didn't include that).

Moirarose2021 · 16/03/2021 19:23

I wouldn't say anything, but I wonder why have so many and why not move past the raising young children and move onto the next stage of their lives.

oblada · 16/03/2021 19:27

funnily enough the only family I know that consciously used their older kid for childcare was a family of 2 children only . They decided to have an 11 year gap specifically to be able to rely on the first one to help with the younger one. I thought it was a bit strange and I know the oldest resented that. We've tried hard with ours not to do that, they are all children and we are responsible for all of them

heathergem · 16/03/2021 19:27

My first thought would be logistics & organisation around -

Keeping on top of admin, school stuff, medical appts, hobbies, friends
Booking holidays
Family car - Num of seats
Clothes - lots of hand me downs I presume
Birthdays - making sure they're all special and celebrated
House - how tidy and organised is it (laundry, food, cooking), sharing chores

I'ld love and embrace a big(ger) family, I'm secretly jealous. The more the merrier!

FullofCurryandparatha · 16/03/2021 19:27

Dunno. As the eldest of 6+ children I can tell you I was pushed out, ignored, used for free childcare, had very little in the way of privacy or my own space, never enough to eat, baths were rationed to once a week even when I had my period, never had the right stuff- football boots etc, everything was hand me downs, never had the money for extra cuticular activities, missed out on so much of the simple things

That's really sad for you. IME though, a good mother is a good mother to as many children as she has, be it 1 or 7. And a bad mother is bad to 1 or 7.
Your experience sounds terrible but its only yours. It's no indication of any one elses family.

Miljea · 16/03/2021 19:28

@ChelseeDagger

I find the environmental impact argument a red herring. The UK birth rate has been falling since the seventies. Our children's generation stands to be smaller than our own, irrespective of the small number of larger families. The housing stock in the UK will be more than sufficient for the next generation of householders going by current trends.

Yes the world has a problem with overpopulation, the UK doesn't.
many women are choosing to remain childless in far greater number than previous generations.

If you want to object to larger families then fine, but please do so on less spurious reasons than the falling birth rate of our country.

We do need somebody to actually keep the economy going when we all finally get to retire in our seventies.

You're not going to like this, but:

What the western world needs if it is to survive is a healthy, sustainable birth rate.

But it also needs for those kids to grow up to be net contributors to society. And I don't mean 'we do a bit of charity work' type 'contributors'.

I mean economically contributing, or supporting a contributor, by, in this case, properly and adequately meeting the family's needs.

It's the cold, hard maths.

Having 'loads of kids' aren't going to help the tax burden if they, themselves, due to poverty, low educational achievement, overcrowding, time and money-poor parent/s- perpetuate the 'loads of kids' models, themselves.

Functional societies need tax payers who not only can look after themselves, but pay enough tax to help meet the needs of those not in a position to provide everything for themselves.

Supporting a person on benefits with 6 kids isn't necessarily what society needs.

May17th · 16/03/2021 19:29

@EveningOverRooftops I’m glad you have said your side! If some are rattled it’s maybe OP has touched a nerve Blush

Miljea · 16/03/2021 19:32

@Wobblesandchickuns

Fucking hell, some snooty weirdos on here.

Thank you for your well considered, intelligently argued POV.

😂

Alienchannell21 · 16/03/2021 19:33

I would also think
Rich
On benefits
Religious
Or trying to have a different sex child to what they have.

I have 2 cousins. Both 6 kids. One had 5 boys recently had a girl. Other cousin on benefits and never worked a day in her life. Will admit that they keep having kids so that they don't have to be made to look for work.

FullofCurryandparatha · 16/03/2021 19:33

Thank you for your well considered, intelligently argued POV

more intelligent than the many "4 kids or more must be catholic" bollocks

Immaback · 16/03/2021 19:34

I haven’t read the replies but my thoughts would be :
That the parents must be super relaxed /chilled out and not care about mess or mayhem. it was a choice /what they wanted So therefore must be able to afford it . That it must be so much fun!
I’m a bit jealous of the big bustling families but I just would need a personality transplant to be able to cope with the madness not to mention sleep deprivation.
I was sure we wanted to have 3 but our second child is very full on and and still waking every night aged 2 so we’ve accepted defeat 😧

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