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Original poster

what assumptions would you make about a family with four to six children?

676 replies

ChelseeDagger · 16/03/2021 11:15

Not wanting to start a bun fight or being goady in the slightest. Just looking for honest opinions, whether they be positive, negative or neutral.

OP posts:
Wobblesandchickuns · 16/03/2021 17:59

Fucking hell, some snooty weirdos on here.

ApieceofSky · 16/03/2021 18:10

@HavelockVetinari

I think they're very, very lucky. Also probably sleep-deprived, but in the main, lucky.
One thing I’ve never been is sleep deprived as have co slept with each dc till stopped bf at around 2.5-3 years and they immediately then just slept through 🤷‍♀️ It seemed like bf made them wake a lot but being in the same bed they went straight back to sleep then as soon as no breastmilk they slept all night.

I’m exhausted by the daytimes so feel lucky nights have been ok !

callthevet · 16/03/2021 18:16

The women I know with 6 or more children all like being pregnant and the novelty of having new babies, they are less keen on toddlers and children

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
piperatthegates · 16/03/2021 18:17

Those who have more than four children and work and say that you aren't rich how on earth do you afford the childcare on a normal salary. Genuine question.
Money issues was what made my DD an only which still makes me sad.

Cinderellashoes · 16/03/2021 18:18

Honestly none as it’s none of my business!

sylbunny · 16/03/2021 18:25

That they have a lot of sex and are possibly religious.

IcanandIwill · 16/03/2021 18:26

This has been an interesting read, I'm the parent of a larger number of kids and I have always convinced myself that the judgement I often felt was just in my head. It seems that maybe that's not the case and tjw judgement was real. I often feel the need to 'explain' my larger family, I know in my heart that I don't have to and shouldn't care.

ApieceofSky · 16/03/2021 18:34

@callthevet

The women I know with 6 or more children all like being pregnant and the novelty of having new babies, they are less keen on toddlers and children
It’s the opposite for me! All 6 pregnancies I had HG and prefer it when they are toddlers and older
TeaAddict235 · 16/03/2021 18:38

Ursula von der Leyen??

justwant2beamum · 16/03/2021 18:42

Skint

Tonkerbea · 16/03/2021 18:44

I know an acquaintance with 4 who is very zen and calm, I admire her ability to parent her children greatly, but she's able to focus solely on them as she's a SAHM. I can't imagine the juggle and 4 mat leaves whilst trying to keep up a full on career.

I find the mums infatuated with the baby stage and just wanting to reproduce that experience over and over, to the detriment of they're existing children, selfish. Ditto, intentionally having more children than you can afford.I know I shouldn't judge, but I find it hard not to.

Weirdly enough, all the Byron Bay Instagram mums who preach about living with a small environmental impact, all seem to have a million kids each, so they must think like you OP! I haven't met many people who want a big family but who've decided against it on environmental reasons.

I'm from a big family, I don't think this is a goady post, it's been really interesting to read people's perceptions.

jessstan2 · 16/03/2021 18:45

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

That they were either poor or rich- not in the middle
The three people I have known with very big families were definitely in the middle.
KitesFlyingInTheWind · 16/03/2021 18:53

Nothing really.
It's not unusual in my family or friendship group and is not related to wealth... some people just want more children (or end up with more than they may have intended!) and get on with it.

KitesflyingInTheWind · 16/03/2021 18:54

Oh, and mostly not religious.

blowinahoolie · 16/03/2021 18:55

@ChelseeDagger

I find the environmental impact argument a red herring. The UK birth rate has been falling since the seventies. Our children's generation stands to be smaller than our own, irrespective of the small number of larger families. The housing stock in the UK will be more than sufficient for the next generation of householders going by current trends.

Yes the world has a problem with overpopulation, the UK doesn't.
many women are choosing to remain childless in far greater number than previous generations.

If you want to object to larger families then fine, but please do so on less spurious reasons than the falling birth rate of our country.

We do need somebody to actually keep the economy going when we all finally get to retire in our seventies.

Thank goodness there's someone who is able to notice that we need more in the population, not less.
May17th · 16/03/2021 19:01

I think 4 and 6 kids is very different OP.

Personally 4 is quite big but not unusually (only just). I’m one of 4 and it is a lot tbh although we have a big age gap between the youngest.

5/6 it depends on the individuals.

Miljea · 16/03/2021 19:03

I encountered (to my surprise, new to me!) large 'establishment' Catholic families in Brisbane in the '90s. At least 4 kids, some with 9-10.

There was 'enough cash' I guess, but all the boys went to one Catholic school, all the girls, another. The fees dropped away to nothing after number 3 or 4.

I guess the thing that I found was that some of these families were so big that the elder kids were all expected to parent the younger kids as the parents were exhausted! And the fact few felt they had their parents' attention.

Many didn't feel part of one big, happy family; they felt they were conceived out of religious duty.

It was completely alien to my 2-kids Proddy self!

Bloodybridget · 16/03/2021 19:03

One of my aunts had seven children, as did a cousin (not one of her children). Neither family had much money, but the children definitely were't feral. I don't judge.

oblada · 16/03/2021 19:04

It's interesting to note that in political terms France is still very much actively promoting big families (in terms of benefits etc) but the UK is definitely discouraging more than 2 children (child tax credit for the 3rd child was removed in 2017). I believe the UK is more overpopulated/densely populated whereas the focus in France is in paying the pensions.
My kids will be able to move to France/anywhere in the EU/India if they so choose :

Miljea · 16/03/2021 19:04

@FullofCurryandparatha

That there probably isn’t a single person in that family who has an easy life with all their needs met

What a very stupid thing to assume.

Well....

NoSquirrels · 16/03/2021 19:06

Depending on the age/age-gap of the kids I’d assume religious or blended family.

Other than that I wouldn’t assume anything much.

FullofCurryandparatha · 16/03/2021 19:07

Well....

Did you fall asleep before finishing whatever your point was?

Miljea · 16/03/2021 19:07

@FullofCurryandparatha

This a really nasty thread, even by MN standards. How do you think the mothers of 4plus children feel looking at this?

It wasn't written for the feelz!

Presumably they aren't that bothered- given that you'd have to seriously worry about the decision making skills of someone who felt devastated about their 'big-family' choice on the back of a MN thread!!

FourTeaFallOut · 16/03/2021 19:09

Endless laundry.

FullofCurryandparatha · 16/03/2021 19:09

Those who have more than four children and work and say that you aren't rich how on earth do you afford the childcare on a normal salary. Genuine question

Well, it's 2 salaries and its best to either have them all close together and stay home for a few years or the opposite, space them out so you don't ever have more than one or 2 sets of fees at the same time.
Also have tax deductible/subsidised creche fees.

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