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Original poster

what assumptions would you make about a family with four to six children?

676 replies

ChelseeDagger · 16/03/2021 11:15

Not wanting to start a bun fight or being goady in the slightest. Just looking for honest opinions, whether they be positive, negative or neutral.

OP posts:
GreenClock · 16/03/2021 15:07

4 doesn’t seem that large. 2, 3 or 4 is normal I’d say.

I know two families with 5 kids. One is wealthy (father is a partner in a law firm, mother is a part time GP), one is poor - main income source is Tax Credits because the father is a low earner and the mother just makes stuff to sell at fetes etc. The latter’s kids have been told that they won’t be receiving help for university/a first car/house deposit which I find a bit sad BUT they’d have been in a similar position if there were only two of them probably. Many parents can’t do that!

All of these kids are great. Not feral or any of the other negative adjectives.

I can understand why couples from small families that were dysfunctional or detached might want to create a larger family for themselves. I’m an only child and would have loved siblings.

FullofCurryandparatha · 16/03/2021 15:10

Oh dear stop taking it personally. OP asked for 'honest opinions, whether they be positive, negative or neutral' on 4 to 6 children

I bet she's surprised how stupid peoples opinions are about it. I know I am.

MeltdownSurprise · 16/03/2021 15:15

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Withdrawn at the user's request

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Families
oblada · 16/03/2021 15:18

@FullofCurryandparatha

This a really nasty thread, even by MN standards. How do you think the mothers of 4plus children feel looking at this?
I have 4 and I find this thread quite interesting! People make all sorts of assumptions, ignoring this doesn't mean it isn't true and it's interesting to see what assumptions others may make.
Ideasplease322 · 16/03/2021 15:19

I assume they are happy and noisy and busy and have a people carrier😊

TANYA90 · 16/03/2021 15:20

I have 5 soon to be 6 my partner works and we do claim some benefits as my son is disabled and I’m his carer so I don’t work but we love them all and they all get attention oldest is 14 and is a high achiever in school with a pretty perfect attendance record and has never had one teacher say a bad thing about her my disabled child is also commented on by teachers as been very well mannered and having good behaviour my toddlers say please and thank you to the shop keeper when we go even my 9month old says ta when I give her things they don’t kick off when they don’t get their own way and if any of them do want something most of the time they get it maybe not there and then but when we can we will get it for them just because We are not loaded doesn’t mean they are scruffy little trouble causers both me and my partner don’t drink smoke or take drugs shopping bills aren’t outrageous as I make most things from scratch and they all eat healthy foods not nuggets and chips we live in a big enough house that we rent privately I think it’s crazy that people think if you have a large family you must be wealthy to be able to love your kids and them be well behaved or that you are poor and your kids are tearaways who get dumped on siblings my oldest loves been a big sister and most Sunday mornings you can find all of them tucked up in her room with her watching Disney princess movies together drinking hot chocolate not because she has to but because she wants to she has a lock on her door she chooses to let them in we may not be able to go on extravagant holidays or buy them a wardrobe full of designer clothes that they don’t need but we make sure they get holidays and clothes so they never look scruffy we are probably closer and spend more time doing things together than most 2 child family’s the only thing I can agree with is the washing I start my day with putting a load in probably do 2-3 (yes everyday) and end it with folding and putting it away

GintyMcGinty · 16/03/2021 15:22

@FullofCurryandparatha

I bet she's surprised how stupid peoples opinions are about it. I know I am.

I'm guessing you also didn't read the bit where she asked for it not to be a bun fight.

You are making an assumption that I think being catholic, rich and a bit mad are bad things. Grin

Chill out and stop taking it all so seriously and personally.

oakleaffy · 16/03/2021 15:27

Personally it seems a bit arrogant to have so many offspring.
No one needs that many kids to replicate themselves, my dad was one of seven and said if anyone needed contraception, it was his parents.
He and another person from a big family pit it down to baby addiction on the part of the woman.

Bluntness100 · 16/03/2021 15:27

I bet she's surprised how stupid peoples opinions are about it. I know I am

Whilst there is no dispute that a very tiny minority of opinions are a little silly, to say the least, the majority are actually valid. The reality is likely most families who have six kids do fall into the poorly educated/poor/very wealthy/very religious categories, only a small minority do not. Anecdotal but we all see it. And these are not stupid assumptions to make.

Being defensive and upset about it so lashing out and calling people stupid, doesn’t change it.

Susie477 · 16/03/2021 15:29

None.

It’s absolutely none of my business how many children other people choose to have.

Cuesday · 16/03/2021 15:29

Don't give a toss about the environment.

Chimeraforce · 16/03/2021 15:33

Catholic
Don't own a telly
Compensating for lonely childhood
Rich or on bens

mathanxiety · 16/03/2021 15:35

Agree 100 percent with @Pan2.

I would love to know what inspired this thread and what sort of comments the OP was expecting to elicit.

Smiling89 · 16/03/2021 15:39

Nothing?

But I'm one of 4 children so it's normal to me. 6 and above I'd probably not understand why they wanted that many given the extra work it causes, but wouldn't judge them.

lastqueenofscotland · 16/03/2021 15:40

Don’t give a toss about the environment
Also when I see people with 5+ I think it’s more about the parents liking having small children than the children. Most adults I know from very big families are not well adjusted.

4amWitchingHour · 16/03/2021 15:44

@thelegohooverer

That the parents are better at parenting that I am. That, at least, all but the last born were probably good sleepers and the older ones don’t have SN.
See I'd assume the opposite, that with more than 4 kids you'd be a worse parent as you're not able to spend much time and energy on each child, and that you didn't consider that an issue when you decided to keep having babies
lastqueenofscotland · 16/03/2021 15:49

I agree @4amWitchingHour
You see it virtually every day on threads here where OPs are talking about having another baby.
It’s always about what they want. Saying their kids will cope sharing rooms etc. I have to stay off them. It shouldn’t be about current kids coping it should be about them thriving but their needs disregarded because of someone’s “wants”

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 16/03/2021 15:58

I'm assuming all the people on here worried about the environment and climate change chose not to have any children at all?

FullofCurryandparatha · 16/03/2021 16:00

Whilst there is no dispute that a very tiny minority of opinions are a little silly, to say the least, the majority are actually valid. The reality is likely most families who have six kids do fall into the poorly educated/poor/very wealthy/very religious categories, only a small minority do not

They're not. Especially when they are about people with 4 as much as they are about 6. Most families with 4 do not fall into the poorly educated/poor/rich/religious categories. They're just normal families, same as anyone else/

mathanxiety · 16/03/2021 16:00

Agree with @FullofCurryandparatha too.

THNG5 · 16/03/2021 16:00

Fascinating thread. I have 4 children, all under 5! I can only imagine the assumptions people make from reading this.
My 2 first ones were close in age so we decided to try for one more quite quickly so they'd be close in age. During my c section, I had my tubes cut. Well, it doesn't always work and now I have 4 children. They are not feral, are washed and neatly dressed, are looked after. We're not on benefits neither are we rich. We both work although I did put on hold my teaching career as childcare is too expensive (no family childcare options) and now have a part time retail job to make ends meet. I don't enjoy the baby stage as some people assume. We're not religious but maybe mad!

User5747384 · 16/03/2021 16:03

I have 4 kids I had the first two close together then the second two close together which made it a bit easier.
I have time for all of my children.
And I am really close to them all.
I think poor parents aren't down to the amount of children you have as some people can't cope with one child so it's a bit silly for PP saying you are a worse parent if you have more.

I won't be having anymore children myself.
But I may think about adopting a child when my younger children are older.
I had four because I love kids I can afford them and we have a big enough house to take care of them in, everyone has their own room and multiple reception rooms so plenty of space.

I don't think four is alot either I think 5 plus is what I would class as a big family.

Cushionsnotpillows · 16/03/2021 16:04

I think they must have easy-ish pregnancies and births/recovery to keep going for that many (if all are theirs not blended/adopted) and not need as much sleep as I do! And that they don't mind noise.

I think 3/4 is non remarkable but more than that could (please note I say could, not always is) be straying into the "babies obsessed/need validation/some needs not being met" category sorry.

This view is definitely coloured by 2 of my friends who came from bigger families and that was their experiences that they talk about a lot as they didn't enjoy their childhoods at all - the mother loved babies but didn't care about the older kids, they had to help and "be an example" to the younger ones and were more severely punished if not, that their mothers had no career or identity beyond being a "mum" so just kept going making babies. No time or attention once they were beyond toddler stage. Absolutely chaotic house with very little 1-1 attention, most of it negative. Fathers uninvolved with kids as always working to provide. One of my friends hasn't had kids by choice, the other has one and is very happy to give lots of time and attention to them and often comments on the difference to her own childhood.

But everyone's situation is different and if the parents have the time, energy, love and finances to support their larger families then why not. (Well, environmental reasons I suppose but it's a drop in the polluted ocean compared to the damage done by large corporations).

Original poster
ChelseeDagger · 16/03/2021 16:10

@mathanxiety

I find it interesting when people are emboldened by anonymity to give their prejudices free reign.
Also, I have five children and no, I am not upset by any of the responses. I don't see why I should be as they aren't, in the main reflective of my family.

OP posts:
PattyPan · 16/03/2021 16:13

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

I'm assuming all the people on here worried about the environment and climate change chose not to have any children at all?
The environmental impact of having 1 or 2 children (replacing you and DH) is very different to having 4+ where you're increasing the population size. Even on a very basic level it's a lot more difficult to take 4 kids on the bus and if you have a car you need a bigger one which needs more energy etc.