what assumptions would you make about a family with four to six children?

[ChelseeDagger]

Not wanting to start a bun fight or being goady in the slightest. Just looking for honest opinions, whether they be positive, negative or neutral.

Also, my kids aren't angels but they're not badly behaved. We work lots with the community doing volunteering and always being complimented on their manners and behaviour in public. They can be a bit loud though 🤦🏼‍♀️

They like children and being busy

4 kids - fine
(as also in some cases the 3rd is twins)

More than that? Rich, crazy, the kids must sleep, you can't parent 5 or more with proper one to one time if you work, and WHY??

I wouldn’t make any assumptions based off of just that information other than it must be very hard work.

My auntie has six kids and they were always wild. However they were well dressed, she drove around in a Range Rover so you wouldn’t presume “omg too many kids”. She didn’t work but her husband is a hard working businessman, landlord to multiple properties and on paper is a millionaire.

I also knew one other family of six growing up and they were very poor, parents didn’t work and their house was wildly unkept. Heard a lot of judgement towards them for the amount of kids they had.

@FullofCurryandparatha

This a really nasty thread, even by MN standards. How do you think the mothers of 4plus children feel looking at this?

As a mother of an only child I'm judged just as much as someone with multiples. If someone is happy with their choices then why would they be bothered by a mumsnet thread?

I know 2 families with 6; a pair of doctors one family and pair of nurses as parents in the other a pair of doctors. I know the DCs of the first couple quite well they range from 18-5 and are all lovely. It apears their needs are met.

"know one family with 4 kids who are all delightful, though there is a big age gap between the first 2 and the second 2"

That's basically similar to my bunch.

We have four. people assume lots, usually that it’s a blended family, or that we were trying for one of the opposite sex to the others. My DP is from a catholic family, so people make assumptions that way too. They don’t get it right though. Mix of birth children and adopted. Always planned that way. No preference whatsoever over sex of offspring. Care hugely about the environment and committed to social justice. When I’m working it’s with children too.
I have worked full time, part time, and not at all depending on kids needs. Absolutely not religious. No support from aging family. Kids all doing well, happy for now. All go to clubs etc after school when they are drawn to something. I travel around a lot. (Pre COVID, in electric car, before I get jumped on)!
Bad decision to paint all the internal walls white, but we can repaint. Lots of laundry. Teens seem drawn to our kitchen and we end up with a flock of them and camp outs etc over the summer. I love the teen stage more than the baby stage. Such an amazing amount of change and energy in a short period, they change almost daily. Maybe it’s the childhood I’d have liked for myself, I don’t know.
If someone had told me about pandemic and home schooling it might have made me wobble though...it’s been hard work.

[quote QueenOfPain]@blowinahoolie also, I think there’s actually a vast canyon between having four kids which seems like the higher end of normal, and five or six![/quote]
We can agree on this 😂

Well I had 4 in 5 years. Love my kids, less so other people’s. The first year with 4 was hard, as was the teenage years when I was doing it on my own. Now all in their 30s, very close and a great support to each other.
My MIL thought 4 was ridiculous, no idea what anyone else thought. Not particularly rich, I worked for my husband, mostly from home

@FullofCurryandparatha

This a really nasty thread, even by MN standards. How do you think the mothers of 4plus children feel looking at this?

I don't really mind, it's been interesting to see how people view a family like my own. I used to think like some people on this thread before I had 4. People find it hard to imagine, so that's fair enough.

Don't care about the environment
Religious
Tired and broke!

I know quite a few families locally that have 4 or 5 children. They all live in large houses, have one stay at home parent or one part time parent. Kids are all very well dressed and do lots of extra curricular activities
So wealthy I'd say!

It's none of my business?

Relaxed, comfortable, fun

On the flip side of my earlier comment about nobodies needs being met, @Sevensilverrings reminded me that in my childhood and teens, I always found the friends mother’s who had a lot of children to be the most kind and approachable and I felt more comfortable and at home in my friends homes in those households. I guess because one extra kid visiting in those families is water off a ducks back. It felt less like needing to stand on ceremony and more homely I guess.

First thought is they clearly don't GAS about the environment

I'd probably think a few of the things on here. But I also have four.

I have four because I WAS religious - Mormon and so it was encouraged.
I had twins in the mix and then number 4 was more unexpected.
I didn't consider the environment as much as I should of, party due to point 1 but I just was naive and didn't consider the impact I was making.
Money wise we are middle of the road I suppose, I'm not poor but I couldn't pay all their university fees for example but then I never expected my parents to and they didn't or my house deposit, so there is that.
I was also an only child, I felt lonely at times and wanted a bigger family.

Are they feral? Well, maybe 😆 I can easily take them out for nice meals with no issues and they are known for being very polite. Two of them have additional needs so that can be challenging.

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting a big family. My only concern would be if I knew they couldn't afford it, then I'd be thinking why have so many.
I know a lady with 4 and they can very easily afford it and have large car, large house etc so I think it's fine

4 kids nothing, 5+ I would think they must be very exhausted parents!

@FullofCurryandparatha No, are you entirely mad to think someone with 4 kids must be catholic or rich or on lots of benefits? Can you not read either?

Oh dear stop taking it personally. OP asked for 'honest opinions, whether they be positive, negative or neutral' on 4 to 6 children.

If a family had 4 but two were twins I would think poor parents, as I’m going from 2 to 3 but jumped from 2-4, that’s double! Not in a nasty way, I’m sure the parents don’t mind but I would think what rotten luck (but would NEVER say that!)

Depends on the age. My DH is one of four, catholic family, but he's late 30s and that's pretty normal around here. I shouldn't think anyone batted an eyelid at the time.

Nowadays I would be surprised, I only have one friend with 4 children and there a twins in the mix so that's why she ended up with four, if you see what I mean.

I have three children and honestly, that's plenty! But I know people with two who think that's plenty too, so it's horses for courses. I wouldn't judged but as long as they were all well cared for I would probably be impressed at the parents stamina.

Poor, wealthy, religious, accident or blended family.

So, like any of us, could be anything

I'd assume you never sleep.