I know we all love a Chester drawers, but I have one better

[FelicityBeedle]

Introducing the fabulous new piece of furniture, the shezlon!

I used to work for a bank and was confused one day when a woman said she’s been turned down due to the ‘electrical pole’

After much confusion I realised she meant electoral roll

Not written down, but I have heard people say "that exasperated the situation" a few times - including by a newsreader on the radio.

I once had a slip of the tongue and accidentally said "troglodyte" when I meant "theodolite" - I now always imagine surveyors leaning on a small cave dweller.

• I love when some bloke is ranting about some woman in the public eye online and he accuses her of being a pre-Madonna. Always love that one. A comment on her age maybe??*

Nope. Prima Donna.

@Staffy1

Yorkshire terror love it! I'm pleasantly surprised there are none of the usual comments calling everyone snobs and scum of the earth for finding these things funny.

Theyre over in site stuff imploring mnhq to do something

Or maybe it’s people who don’t speak English as a first language

Just thought I'd point out, these types of errors are not the type made by non-English speakers, these are errors that are typical of Brits.

I was behind someone in a sandwich once who asked for sigh-a-batter

This thread is such a tonic after a shit day. I'm sure we have all misheard and mispronounced words and been able to laugh at ourselves. Mine was paradiggum for paradigm. Autocorrect correctly corrected me as I was even typing that. Homogeneity is one that I'm still not sure of and would probably say wrong. My dad said merringoo for meringue but I think that was just him being funny As a child I thought catarrh was guitar and was confused as to why you'd have that in your throat or on your chest.
Language is fantastic.

My ex’s new woman (and fairly thick) woman recently advertised a ‘sofa and matching puff’ for sale. Not sure if she was referring to The Magic Dragon?

A friend of mine once sent me a card saying she hadn't popped round yet as she thought I'd have been "in and dated with visitors"
Laughed for weeks

Grand Prix being mispronounced as grand pricks

@WeeFae

I have a MLM hun who has informed us all today she has new 'stalk' arriving.

That couldn’t be more apt if it tried, judging by all the pyramid scheme victims desperately stalking inboxes and trying to shill their “stalk” that is filling up their garages and costing them £££.

My all time favourite, from an Australian site similar to this one, was from a woman whose child was Lack Toast And Tolerant.

These are brilliant

A woman in front of me in a sandwich shop ordered a ham and cheese punani.

Just remembered, my childhood penfriend once wrote "spelling is not my fortay".

@SpeckledyHen

‘Micheal’ Wave isn’t even spelled correctly!

Dont start me. An aquaintance showed me an exquisite christening robe she had made for her new grandchild, embroidered with his name "Micheal". I just complimented her on her stitching.

Or maybe it’s people who don’t speak English as a first language.

Just thought I'd point out, these types of errors are not the type made by non-English speakers, these are errors that are typical of Brits.

I agree - most non-English speakers take the trouble to learn how our language actually works and make the effort to check how to spell things instead of just writing out phonetically the first thing that comes into their heads and assuming everyone will understand what they mean.

Incidentally, mispronunciation of an unusual word is often a sign that someone reads a lot...

@Clairey844

A woman in front of me in a sandwich shop ordered a ham and cheese punani.

Crying!

From the information caption under the BBC2 programme that I'm currently watching:

"Monica and Giles travel deep into the Scottish Highalnds to join the staff living and working in the mountains at one of the UK's remotest luxury hotels"

@Ijustlikedthename

I was behind someone in a sandwich once

Are you sure?

What's wrong with remotest?

superlative adjective: remotest

Genuine question, not being goady. Just curious.

I give you the hambag. I have to admit that’s what I thought they were called until about the age of 10.

@iklboo

What's wrong with remotest?

superlative adjective: remotest

Genuine question, not being goady. Just curious.

Clumsy usage surely? "most remote" is better.

When my dd was at primary school they had to write out a menu for their homework she wrote her food items down then at the bottom a list of drinks one of them being Cock (she said quite innocently “that’s the one you like” meaning Coke)

@Staffy1

Yorkshire terror love it! I'm pleasantly surprised there are none of the usual comments calling everyone snobs and scum of the earth for finding these things funny.

Some of these are really funny; Yorkshire terror, definitely.

Some though are scornful and judgemental, they always are. Not scum of the earth-worthy mind, just a bit on the mean and superior side that will make some people reading feel a bit derided for the way they speak and the terms they use. As intended.