Overwhelmed by messy house - any tips?

[whatdoidoallday]

Please be kind

My house is a total mess - stuff everywhere, dust everywhere no organisation to it. Where do I start with it? I'm totally overwhelmed.

I have no excuse as I have two school aged children and don't work. The house has always been on the untidy side. But having everyone at home and homeschooling two children one with SEN (and emotionally very demanding) has taken it's toll and the house looks like bomb's hit it. Now the children are back at school I really need to sort it out but when I walk into a room I'm totally overwhelmed and don't know where to start. I keep drinking cups of tea and procrastinating! Any tips on how to get on top of it or has anyone been in this situation and dug themselves out of it?

Pick a room (maybe start on something fairly easy like the bathroom). Take regular short breaks. Put music on while you work. Try not to get distracted by your phone/other jobs.

Take a bin bag and put everything that is rubbish in there.

Anything that belongs in another room (clothes/cups etc) take it to the room it lives in.

Then take out anything that is to be donated (try and be ruthless, if you haven't used something in a year you almost certainly don't need it). I appreciate charity shops aren't open at the moment so it might be better for your sanity to just throw stuff.

Then working top to bottom dust/wipe all the surfaces. Clean the window. Hoover/mop the floor.

Ta-da! You have done one room, reward yourself with chocolate/gin etc.

Do another room the next day. Once you've done all the rooms properly it will be easier to keep on top of it. Also the best tip for having a clean/tidy house is have less stuff! Good luck.

I think pick one room, make it how you want it to be then spend some time keeping it like that until it becomes a habit.
I started with my kitchen and made sure it was clean/tidy/dishes washed every night. Now its second nature and the good habits are sort of spreading.
I also tidy out one clutter spot (boxes/drawers) when I'm off work. Takes 10 mins, helps me feel better

Maybe spend just 30 minutes at a time getting something under control and then reward yourself with a cup of tea, going on MN, or whatever. This is my method for tackling hated chores and mostly it works. A little at a time isn't too overwhelming.

I used to feel the same OP, and didn't like inviting people in because I felt too embarrassed. I had a massive declutter a few years ago. It took three months. I had boxes of bank statements going back ten years and other paperwork I had to go through. The house felt so much better once I'd done it. I then cleaned the house top to bottom.

A few years later, I redecorated last year and have got rid off a load more stuff. Sheets, towels, DVDs and loads of other stuff has been donated.

The aim going forward it to think very carefully before I buy anything for the house. I recently Spring cleaned and cleaned out all my cupboards, getting rid off more things.

I donated to charity. I had things put away for selling on ebay and gumtree but either I couldn't sell it or it just didn't sell and was in boxes and bags gathering dust. I eventually just bagged it all up and donated. I would make that a quarterly thing if you have children. A few charities collect so you just bag it all up and arrange delivery.

I donated food to food banks.

I bought big storage boxes for anything that I needed to keep. I went green on paperwork, meaning that it's all online and I don't receive anything in the post.

Most of house is sorted but oh god my DCs rooms! Even with a regular cleaner they are chaotic.

About once every 4mths I insist on a super sort out. Clothes that don’t fit, toys that aren’t played with, books that are no longer read all get purged.

I set an alarm for 6 mins and work on basis I only need to go for 6 mins. Then I can stop but for 6 mins I have to keep going, no standing there bewildered, no procrastinating.

@whatdoidoallday

Op can I suggest a link to my post? I was (still not finished) in the same situation, but I got so much amazing advice it was unbelievable. About one and a half weeks later and fighting through severe depression and anxiety, I have done my main rooms so- lounge, kitchen, bedroom and hall. I only have my tiny shower room and toilet room to do and some repairs and painting to finish. On my thread I got so so much advice and I just did it, worked through it and pushed myself. With the advice I was given. I also posted before and after pics (not posted lounge pics yet) but you might find the thread helpful to see someone like me struggling, then doing it. Then seeing the before and after of my home which used to be disgusting. I think the posters advice from my thread will be of great help to you as it was to me- I previously could never have stormed through that crap prior as it was too much. I was given amazing advice and it didn’t take long to get the main rooms clean and decluttered and spacious (for small Paris apartment!) and functional! I still have ways to go. As I said the two small shower and toilet rooms which will only take half an hour or so, as well as some repairs and some painting to finish. But I’m currently having a rest and enjoying being able to cook fresh tasty food because I have the correct organised space to do so plus the mental energy now. As well as my cleaning routine that now only takes me ten minutes or so per day to keep on top of. I really am enjoying having this easy keep on too routine and also having a break from all my hard work! And will get to the rest in a few days. It is so doable. I hope the thread helps- those posters were amazing! And maybe seeing my before and afters will help too? It was hard but so worth it

I hope the link work I didn’t do it before so I’m not sure!

78359-With-no-parents-as-a-child-to-help-me-to-learn-cleaning-organisational-budgeting-skills-my-home-has-become-horrific-and-I-am-hoping-someone-has-tips-please-Possible-TW-in-my-background

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/housekeeping/4178359-With-no-parents-as-a-child-to-help-me-to-learn-cleaning-organisational-budgeting-skills-my-home-has-become-horrific-and-I-am-hoping-someone-has-tips-please-Possible-TW-in-my-background

Ah ha I did it! There is the link. Maybe a read of that plus your own thread here specifically for you and your journey will be helpful to you. I found it amazing the advice and I kicked depressions ass and got it done and now, my mental health is much better, my daily routine too, my pride in my home, my anxiety has dropped hugely as I no longer live amongst piles of crap. And I still have stuff to do but now I did the main stuff I can take my time with the other stuff and enjoy a break whilst keeping up the routine of keeping on top of cleaning. The posters in my thread were an amazing source of support and advice- a treasure chest of advice that you would find helpful too I bet! Good luck!

A link to my thread, not my post 🙄 it was a thread I made being in similar circumstances

I haven't read the whole thread but I could have written this exact post myself. Very similar situation to you. Will be watching with interest

I'm going to do this today; deepclean one room (utility - smallest most cluttered room in the house) the front door opens into it and I'm always horrified as it's a dumping ground.

Thanks Lady I will take a look. Great to hear you have done so much. Well Done!!

@whatdoidoallday

Thank you! I wish you all the best! Honestly my thread is full of amazing wonderful advice from others that you will find something there I’m sure.

If I can do it, anyone can believe me! Within two weeks I was sorted and in a cooking and cleaning routine and anxiety gone. It’s been wonderful. It nearly killed me to push past it all especially near the end but was so so worth it! If you look at my before and after- particular the before you’ll see how horrible it was and the mess I had to work with. It was killer but my mental health massively improved since then. For me next step- shopping for the ingredients I use in my fresh cooking each day! I’m currently sending fiancé out for bits because I got in such a rut of staying in bed all day, fear of everything especially house stuff, and massive fear of outside. I can not go outside for months at a time. But my next step is to do my own shopping too. So there is light please believe me

Picture someone in bed all day because the world is so terrifying that they reduce the world down to just their bed as it is safe. Only coming out to pee and not showering or changing for days and weeks (I know). Fear of outside. Fear of the mess the apartment became. The self hatred this induced and the anxiety of it all making the depression worse like a cycle. That person was me. If I can push past to make my home clean and no clutter and organised and have my own little daily routine of keeping on top of it and cooking daily and keeping clean, anyone can. I still have bits to do as I said above. And I have to get past the fear of outside. But that was my life - reduced down to a bed. It was awful. Then I just got so fed up I got angry and did it. And now I am so so much happier. The pride I have is enormous. The self esteem. The depression is lifting and the anxiety lower than ever. I have things to do daily- but are now small enough things that it isn’t overwhelming at all. Ten mins a day and a bit of time cooking which I enjoy. My life feels so light now! You can do it

You might get a buzz out of trying to sell some of your unwanted gear? You can make tax free cash. Ebay does take some of the money though so for more expensive or specific items i would try sites like www.bride2bride.co.uk/

I hate tidying up and sorting but find the only way is to put on music and aim to do one room. After I have cleared the mess out of it I then polish and vacuum. By then I’m normally motivated to move on to the next room. With kids being home during lockdown things got neglected but seem to be slowly getting back on top!

I’m still posting on my thread as my change and home overhaul is very recent. I still have pics to post etc. And more advice to ask for, so it isn’t something I did ages ago. It’s very recent (finished last Sunday) so I do understand. And so the advice I was given is still very recent in terms of links etc for you. I hope they help as those posters on my thread were just wonderful

When things are like this, I always think there's a couple of options.

1. Tackle it by type. So, sort out all of the clothes. Load in the washing machine on, gather up all dirty clothes, put away and clean clothes etc. Or toys. All toys in one go.

1. Tackle it by room.

1. Timer. Set a timer, do a job. Repeat.

1. Deal with the sinks. Clean sinks, with empty draining boards and basins that are spotless always make a home seem clean to me!

Whichever method you choose, you just have to do it. It's the motivation that's the killer. So get your music on and get going. We'll, that's why I do anyway

Yes the dump will be open but you may need to book a slot. Throw out stuff - it needs to be removed otherwise you are just moving the clutter about.

It feels bad puting stuff in landfill skip but you need to get past that.

Get rid of as much as possible - can you tell I like a minimalistic house. I'm not very sentimental and get rid of lots. Be more like me!

Do you have a way to get to your local tip? With our you have to book a slot but they take books, clothes, shoes etc as well as general rubbish.

You could start really small and gather 'like' things together. I did a sweep of the house for all the charges/power banks and they are now all kept together in a kitchen drawer.

I have always found that kids toys are a massive source of clutter.

I swear by samla tubs and trofast tubs/units from Ikea but def declutter before you buy anymore storage otherwise you are just moving crap around from place to place.

One lesson I took on from my very tidy friend is that everything in her house has a home. So a cup is either in use, being washed or on its shelf in the cupboard. When I tried to do that I found I didn't have enough cupboard space for my cups so I had to either get rid of the excess or find more space.

I did a massive clear out of things about two years ago and now all my items have a home, and most live in cupboards or drawers rather being out on surfaces. Before I had general clutter that would migrate from room to room, but now if something is left out I know where it should belong so it's much easier to actually tidy up.

There are several ways, not one right or wrong, but picking one method of breaking it down is a great way to start.

If a room is a complete jumble, I find it best to pull everything out to the floor, then go by theme, so a book pile, clothes pile, rubbish bag... Don't fret about being perfect, do what is dominant to you, you can return to a theme as the heap shrinks and changes. A sports timer giving 2 mins per theme is great for focus, and then a 30 second rest to grab something you need or refocus.

I really need a good blitz while the DCs are in school but life is quieter. I am finding clearing out old toys problematic as mine are reaching the stage of being more selective now, but I'm feeling blocked by charity shops being shut. I'm not a sell on person, that's a whole new procrastination field.

All the advice suggested is good, but different advice suits different people.
Starting with a small simple room such as a bathroom/ utility is good for my sense of achievement. The kitchen I find hard because it is so easily undone.

I found the Fly Lady system really good. I veer away from it from time to time, but I still find it works the best for me - you do have to skim through the rather cloying feel good stuff though. It starts you off on small steps, cleaning your kitchen sink is the first.

I think there is Fly Lady thread somewhere on MN, but here is the link.

FlyLady

I'm going to go against the grain here, but "room by room" never worked for me as I would get so overwhelmed trying to tackle a whole room at once. And inevitably I would end up moving things into other rooms.

I am currently de-cluttering because I am expecting a baby and am tackling my house according to category. As an example, yesterday my category was "Shoes" so I went around the house collecting all the shoes lying around, under the stairs, bottom of the wardrobe etc.
I gave them all a wipe down if they were dusty, a spray of fabric freshener if necessary and then sorted them according to those I was currently using regularly (due to season). I put all my current shoes in the downstairs shoe rack so they are accessible. And the rest in boxes at the bottom of my wardrobe and labelled them so I know what's in each box. I threw away a few pairs I don't wear any more.

Today I am doing "Cards" which means going through every drawer and box in the house finding old birthday, anniversary cards. I tend to just put them in drawers and they don't really have a home. I also had all my wedding cards somewhere and a few childhood ones. I went through every single one and kept only the most sentimental ones (30th birthday from my grandparents for example) and found a box to put them all in. Now when I next have a birthday I will choose my favourite few cards and file them away.

I know I've been quite detailed and it sounds quite labour intensive but honestly it doesn't feel overwhelming because I'm not trying to take on an entire room full of different types of object, clothing etc.

Other categories can be "Blankets" which would involve going round the house, collecting all blankets, throwing the ones that were a bit yuck and washing the rest and returning them to their home i.e. bed or sofa. So it doesn't have to mean throwing away sentimental stuff at first.

Let me know if you think that would be manageable and I can share a list of my categories and how I organise them?

FlyLady doesn’t completely suit me but the most useful tidying tip I ever got did come from there. I do a room at a time and arrive in each room with a big laundry basket, bin bag and a reusable shopping bag that I’m happy to leave at the charity shop.
Every item that is out of place is either categorised as Give Away (charity bag) Throw Away (bin bag) or Put Away (laundry basket).
At the end I have a bag to donate, one for the bin and the laundry basket needs redistributing around the house but that can be done the next day if I’m knackered.
It works well for children too. They used to make 3 piles for me and then we could work through them together. They used to love scavenging through each other’s Give Away piles. They are young adults now but they still tidy using Give/Throw/Put Away.