Overwhelmed by messy house - any tips?

[whatdoidoallday]

Please be kind

My house is a total mess - stuff everywhere, dust everywhere no organisation to it. Where do I start with it? I'm totally overwhelmed.

I have no excuse as I have two school aged children and don't work. The house has always been on the untidy side. But having everyone at home and homeschooling two children one with SEN (and emotionally very demanding) has taken it's toll and the house looks like bomb's hit it. Now the children are back at school I really need to sort it out but when I walk into a room I'm totally overwhelmed and don't know where to start. I keep drinking cups of tea and procrastinating! Any tips on how to get on top of it or has anyone been in this situation and dug themselves out of it?

[OhioOhioOhio]

This morning I had to clean out a large fridge. I couldn't be bothered so decided to only take out 10 things. If you deal with 10 things every day you'll find it only takes minutes but quickly makes a massive difference.

[LadyInParis]

@whatdoidoallday

That’s great news!!!! I’m really pleased for you. I don’t even have the excuse (per se.. that sounds a bit dick ish I don’t mean it that way!!!!!) of kids.. I have no kids (just a million animals and they don’t take up my time like children do!) And I really, really got myself into a real mess house wise. I think that fact that you’ve got children and still have to do a home clean is probably really overwhelming. I admire you for what you’ve done already. I wish I could be so proactive! I just get very unwell mental health wise, and it’s a horrible cycle- feel depressed, house gets messy. House is a tip, feel more useless. Feel more useless, do less and so on. It’s horrible. Except now it’s mostly done- in the rooms we use at least, decorating aside those rooms are clean- even when I feel low etc, now it’s so so easy to keep on top of now matter how I feel. I am sure it’ll be the same for you too. For example you put the kids to bed and feel knackered after a whole day of stuff but.. it’s so clean and tidy after “the big clean”, and you know it’ll only take 20 mins to put kids toys away, tidy the sofa cushions and chuck stuff in the dish washer / wash a few dishes by hand etc etc.. that you’ll find the energy and motivation for the 20 mins or so that you need and you will do it.

The hard part is getting “the big clean” done. But you’ll do it. And once you do, keeping on top will be so easy. You just have to do the hard part but you will!

Could you find someone to take the kids for a big bit of time? Or even say two hours a day or something for a couple of weeks, to dedicate those two hours to “the big clean”? Or something like this? Nursery times when you’re child free? And use that time? You’ll be exhausted and stressed for a time as not much down time but please believe me it’s so so so worth it!

Just imagine a time where you put the kids to bed. And you’ve done the 20 mins “keep on top” cleaning. And you sit down, put your feet up. And the house is your kingdom. It’s tidy. There’s nothing in your mind nagging you to do anything at all (I hate that nagging voice in my mind telling me I have to “big clean” this or that!) and you can sit down guilt free and watch your fave movie, or series, and have a wine or a tea or whatever. A nice treat. Then go to a lovely clean made bed and sleep the sleep of the truly happy and relaxed mum. Wake up to a lovely home and all you have to do in the morning is make the bed. Get the kids and go down to a spotless kitchen. You can make breakfast so easily because everything is clean and ready for you. And so on! (Change any of the above if it doesn’t apply, I’m sure you get me haha !)

The above is what will get you through the one time, horribly tiring “big clean”. Keep imagining it, however it applies to you. And keep going. It’s so so super easy to keep it clean after that and you will! And you don’t have to “big clean” again!!

[GreenSlide]

The Organised Mum 1 week bootcamp is good for a house clear and clean. www.theorganisedmum.blog/2017/06/26/1-week-boot-camp-for-when-youve-lost-control-of-the-housework/

[Handsoffstrikesagain]

ladyinparis well done you it all looks so lovely and tired and your mental health will thank you for it x x

[LadyInParis]

Oh god it was an awful process @Handsoffstrikesagain !! But.. it was so so so so sooooooo worth it! It really was! The cleaning cupboard, lounge. Kitchen, bedroom. I put all pics on my own thread but all those rooms I tackled with help (except kitchen) from my lovely fiancé as he had two week off work. And even though I have still to sort the toilet room and shower room, and do a couple of repairs and finish the painting and other decor stuff, my life is so much improved. It’s truly amazing how much better my life is! Although it nearly killed me off by the end honestly! But we pushed through and now, there’s hardly anything to do through the day except cook, load/ unload the dishwasher (and think about the other rooms etc I have to do!) and it’s lovely.

Interestingly, the thing that got us both going was the day I finished my kitchen. I went in there and found my fiancé asleep on a chair head against the wall in the kitchen I asked him what on Earth are you doing and he said “it’s so lovely and clean in here and easier to rest!!” So.. I used a bit of reverse psychology and told him- if you like the room because it’s clean, then imagine how much more you’ll like the rooms you clean yourself, explained the sense of pride I got from it being my own hard work etc, and he was suddenly wonderfully motivated to get the rest done! And so he helped me a lot from there.

(To be fair to him- he is amazingly wonderful in all aspects of the partnership! He does a lot for me, a lot for us, just sometimes with the housework stuff he needs jigging a bit- only because his standards in that area are not nearly as high as mine are. He is much better than me in other areas such as his work, motivation for general life, etc. And he does now understand the level of cleanliness that is expected and so doesn’t leave shite lying around like he used to! So isn’t a man baby or anything, works very hard for us both etc.)

I just thought it interesting to add, because if my lovely room had him in there sleeping because it was so clean compared to the rest at that time, then he suddenly wanted the pride of his own cleaning, it might help others in the same situation to see the physical before and after etc, and hear my story. It was far from easy. But my life now is as close to easy as it can get!

[Wehaveanunderstanding]

Op don't beat yourself up. Home schooling was demanding. The DC haven't been back at school for long and the school day is quite short ^and^ requires input in itself (uniforms, reading, school run, lunches, extra curric etc. Then there's often the hangry "after school blow up" to contend with). You were conserving your energy for what was most important

Now you have the headspace, there are many methods (Flylady, KM, TOMM, UYH etc ) and they each have pros and cons. The most important thing ime (and I think LadyinParis found it helpful) is that you have a daily routine that makes it easy to prioritize decluttering.

I'd start with the easiest room. Set a timer and work as hard as you can - no interruptions - for 15 mins. Then take a small break and maybe do that four eight times per morning and four times per afternoon? It doesn't really matter where you start as long as you are giving it full commitment 15 mins at a time. The most important thing is to have a daily routine that means you start at 9.30 and end at 12.00 for example, just as you would commit to work hours in the office. Writing out a daily timetable, with half hour increments, really helps with this. Put in all your unmovable tasks and be realistic about how long it takes to cook dinner, put DC to bed etc. Then fill in times when you can devote yourself completely to decluttering per week. Then you can be really disciplined about it and not get distracted. And remember to schedule in half a day just for yourself because choring away alone is hard. Good luck

Btw I agree about clearing the entire room, deep cleaning, and putting everything back being really effective but that's difficult to do in one session and when you have DC about. It doesn't work for me because I have narrow halls and landings. However it's helpful to keep that objective in mind as you clear a room, starting in one corner, and work your way around.

[LadyInParis]

@Wehaveanunderstanding

I couldn’t agree with this more- what an excellent post! This is the thing; what works for me, and what I am able to accomplish etc will be very different for what works for you and what you can accomplish @whatdoidoallday as you have a very different lifestyle to me. For example I even forgot about the kids being home schooled at the moment as I don’t have children. (Real facepalm moment there!) So I would follow this advice, or to be honest any that work for you. What I found most helpful to be honest, on my thread, was just the support. That knowing that there were many many methods I could use and try, but ultimately knowing that I had support out there and people who were being kind and non judgemental. That I could come back and either post pics and celebrate, or come back and say- bad day today .. hopefully tomorrow is better. Somewhere to write down my journey. And have supportive advice and people cheering me on; because I don’t have that in real life and never had.

So pick what helps you most, celebrate the achievements no matter how small (I love just getting the dishwasher emptied and putting the last load in and always have a mini celebration ) and for the off days- keep reminding yourself tomorrow will be better. Because it will!

You’re doing great. Jeez I don’t know what I would do if I had kids too! I want kids for sure- I guess that’s why I am trying to learn “adulting” now! At the ripe age of 33 I never had someone there properly to model it. I’m doing it now though- and the weirdest thing? I fucking LOVE it! I really truly love the feeling of running my own household!! I think it gives me what I never had as a child (or since). Which is boundaries, goals, routine. It’s amazing!

And for that alone I bet your kids love you to bits! Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’ll get there

[bringalongacreamcake]

Phone away, music on....

Then, I'd start by taking putting stuff back in a pile in the room it belongs in and then going back to each pile and putting away item by item.

When you've tidied everything then go polish everywhere then go back and Hoover / clean floors.

[MrsWooster]

I’m in a similar state and am trying to find a way to be kind to myself and let me get things done. A big thing for me is the need to be ...’good’: to recycle properly, to give things to the charity shop, to keep things that might be useful for the dc. It turns out being kind looks a lot like saying FUCK IT! This once, I’m chucking it all out and, if necessary, I’ll replace things where needed. I talk a good game but am insufficiently badass and have booked a slot to recycle a carful of cardboard

[MrsMoastyToasty]

Put stuff you no longer need outside your front door/gate with a sign saying that it's free to take or advertise as free to Collector on Facebook or gumtree.

[Gag1964]

I once read that you should leave a room looking better than when you went in! Maybe not so helpful with a lot to sort, but a great way to keep on top of it in the future.

[Itsamess8456]

My house is really tidy and easy to keep clean. It wasn't always like that though...

I had a HUGE declutter. For instance, in the kitchen - I had a think of what we needed day to day. Ie. 8 plates, bowls, knives, forks etc. 3 saucepans, 1large frying pan, 3 drinks bottles and so on. I emptied all the cupboards and just put back the bare minimum of what I needed.

The was a massive pile of stuff left and I put in all on fb marketplace. I felt horrible that I was getting rid of stuff that I might need. However, most stuff I hadn't used it ages.

After the kitchen, I did the same with every room.

My house looks normal but if you open cupboards, there isn't much in them and everything has a home

[Handsoffstrikesagain]

It really does look fantastic ladyinparis, it’s always so satisfying having a good declutter. About 3/4 years ago I made the decision to be a sort of minimalist (3 DC and one on the way so have to allow for some bright plastic junk!) I sold tons, charity shopped and car booted loads and binned the rest. It has been amazing for my MH. My house is pretty much always tidy, even with the DC. I feel more ‘free’ iyswim?

[Handsoffstrikesagain]

ladyinparis can I ask a question re depression but please feel free to ignore it if it’s too personal?

I watch hoarding and de clutter videos on you tube and unsurprisingly mental health features an awful lot. Their kitchens are always piled high with left overs, dirty dishes, cooking stuff etc. Is the depression such that you can just about feed yourself but do not physically have the energy to even wash up the cup or bowl?

[LadyInParis]

@Handsoffstrikesagain

To be honest, often it’s hard to even eat at all. I feel so bad for my fiancé that he had to support me when I could just about go to the toilet and not much else. Our diet consisted of mostly takeaways which made a mess. The sinks were full of unwashed plates for those, and cups. Interestingly now my sinks get much more full- pots and pans but.. that’s because I cook now from scratch, and my dishwasher is always on the go. Depression is an awful thing. I don’t usually suffer such prolonged periods of it like I did this time, but circumstances being what they were in my life that’s how it ended up being. And so the bed didn’t get changed, the dishes not done. Slowly over time it became a mess. Not hoarder on tv mess with a million cats and their droppings everywhere, but it wouldn’t have taken much longer if it had continued. My breaking point was seeing the mess and my pride and my depression kind of battled it out, and I got pissed off and angry and I used that anger to kick myself up the arse and get it done. Another major factor was how utterly unfair it was on my fiancé. That too brought great shame. And made my pride get annoyed too- because he works terribly hard to provide a great life for us- so why should he then have to essentially be my carer and run a house and do said hard work? He was on the point of exhaustion and breakdown. I was so so ashamed and in the end the anger toward myself drove my extreme desire to just get it sorted and keep it sorted. As for the clutter- well when we cleared stuff, we were brutal about throwing stuff out. No problem there. So the clutter that builds up, was more just stuff that I had no energy to clear/throw/find a home for etc etc. In my mind my world was reduced down to my bed. It felt safe, and calm. It was relatively tidy enough and that became my world. Other stuff just built up around me but as long as I was in my safe bed I could, for a long time, ignore the built up rubbish. As long as the actual bed was more or less tidy. It felt so safe. Until it didn’t. And I saw the toll on my poor fiancé, who was exhausted in every way, running on fumes and bread and coffee, worried sick about me, doing everything for me, red eyes, the lot it was awful. And I saw my lovely home gone to ground. And my pride came and got pissed off and I guess that in that way, the depression fell by the way side long enough for me to tackle what I needed to. That’s why I did things so fast when other posters on my thread were telling me to do ten minute bursts. They were 100 percent correct in this advice but for me I knew it was now or never- that I didn’t have this angry energy for long, that I had to harness that and rage through the main rooms as soon as possible. So that by the time I felt low energy again, my home would be lovely (in comparison- I still need to finish the small toilet room and shower room and some repairs and decorating). I knew that if I used that motivation and got it done that my mental health would absolutely improve a million percent and it did. So I used the energy, got it sorted and threw shite away with no hesitation. So it wasn’t about wanting to hold on to “stuff”, or hoard. Now I am so so much better. It’s always now such a high level of clean that if I had a low energy day, and did nothing, the worst would be that i hadn’t emptied the dish washer or cooked that day. Interestingly, now that my home is clean, and I have a routine I adore, I don’t seem to (so far) have days so low that I can’t even empty the dishwasher. I love that stuff now- I love my home and my important role in the home. I love keeping it clean, I love cooking, I love having a routine, and doing all the stuff that now makes my fiancé’s life so so much easier. He’s such a happy man now! Difference of night and day, really! And I absolutely adore it! Which has come as a surprise but.. it feels like my little queendom! My very own castle and I’m the queen and I make the rules and the recipes and I have my pride and my reason to get up now. Any shite gets chucked in the bin as quick as can be. Nothing piles up anymore. It’s truly been eye opening! My personality has flipped in a big way and I can’t even bear a small bit of mess now. (Except the two rooms I haven’t done yet those won’t take long and I don’t spend lots of time in them/ don’t need them for feeding us etc. I just am currently resting my mind after the big stuff I did, and enjoying my new routine for a little bit before I finish those two and start the painting and decor finishing touches!) also trying to figure out how best to budget etc. I didn’t have “adulting” modelled to me as a child, horrific childhood. So I’m learning these things now. And love them! I have more pics on my thread I linked earlier in this thread if you want to read my posts and see the pics (might answer other questions you may have ) I’m an open book I don’t think anyone should ever feel shamed for being low. Or finding themselves in a shit tip home when they struggle to even want to live in that moment in time. So if we talk more about it, and take away the power of the “shame”. Then all the better!

My life is definitely more “free” as you said. Perfect way to word it! My mind too. I’m so much happier. I love my life now. I’m sure I’ll struggle again but I don’t think I will get this bad again because I see now the consequences. So I’m hopeful for the future

[LadyInParis]

@Handsoffstrikesagain

Incase you don’t want to go on my thread here is my before and after of the bedroom

[LadyInParis]

More before..

[LadyInParis]

And after...

[LadyInParis]

After again..

[LadyInParis]

Last two after.. I haven’t posted the lounge ones yet on my thread I’ll do it tomorrow I think!

[LadyInParis]

As for the stuff under the desk- well not much storage in the bedroom and it’s all my art equipment- expensive stuff that I want to keep as I use it. Same for the black table- my cosmetics. I went through all of it though and made sure I only kept what I really wanted to keep, was brutal about it but had to stash under the desk/ on the little black table. Apart from that no clutter really- not even under the bed haha

[hugocat]

There is something called ' 5S' which I learnt at my last workplace. It's a Japanese idea originally used for workplaces but it can be used in the home too . Really helped me when I didn't know when to start !

www.hunker.com/12262829/how-to-5s-at-home

[LadyInParis]

Also don’t mind the dogs bed and the doors and other bits of painting that obviously need finishing.. I’m getting to those last touches!!

[Handsoffstrikesagain]

ladyinparis thank you so much for sharing all of that, I really do appreciate your explanation as I will be honest, sometimes it’s the bit where a plate or cup not being washed up and then it builds that has baffled me. You have explained it all so well. Your home looks absolutely beautiful

[Satsunday]

There are some brilliant tips on here. It isn't my thread but i will be trying lots of these ideas