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Original poster

Has anyone had to deal with good news that they can’t share?

49 replies

NewRenovation · 11/03/2021 18:06

First world problem. I get it.

Some things have gone right for us - mostly through luck. I’m bursting to talk with the family members and friends that I normally would, but can’t. Everyone's having such a hard time and we’re in a position that I know some people would be envious of, so I don’t want to talk about it with them. Not saying anything is harder than you would think.

Don’t know why I’m starting this thread! Just want to get it off my chest somewhere!!

OP posts:
TheNemesisOfLame · 11/03/2021 18:10

No - but if you want to have a bit of a brag/share/secret swank I'm up for listening! It's an ill wind and all that.

Bloodybridget · 11/03/2021 18:12

It seems sad that you don't think your friends and family would be pleased for you. Would you not want to know if someone you loved had good news?

Eileen101 · 11/03/2021 18:20

Just because they have other things going on, doesn't mean they wont be thrilled for you OP.
I'll listen to your joys Smile

Anne1958 · 11/03/2021 18:23

Don’t know why I’m starting this thread! Just want to get it off my chest somewhere!

How is starting a thread here about a secret that’s still a secret of any help to you?

would people be envious of your good fortune? Perhaps some of those around you would be but then again more of them may have their own value system and be happy for you whilst not wishing they themselves were in receipt of your good fortune.

Personally there’s nothing in the world that right now means more to me than the love my children have shown me day and day out during a recent illness that I hope I’ve seen the back of (but I’ve probably not). I knew I was loved but now I feel it every step that I take in my day. I’m surrounded by it. I need nothing else. I am happy for you though.

Original poster
NewRenovation · 11/03/2021 18:25

Absolutely! But we live in a semi- rural area and have felt very lucky. We've had restrictions, but they’ve been manageable.

My family members have had either been shielding or living in a city. The last year has been so hard for them mentally/ job wise that it feels insensitive to share now. My best friends have struggled, because they have both been furloughed and are single, so alone too much. (Obviously I will share in the future, and they will also benefit from it, but it doesn’t feel right to do it right now.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewRenovation · 11/03/2021 18:30

I don’t really know how posting will help. Good to get other people’s opinions on it though.

OP posts:
HereIfYouNeedMe · 11/03/2021 18:35

Tell us 😀🥳

Anne1958 · 11/03/2021 18:43

Good to get other people’s opinions on it though

I think there’s something I’m not understanding because I can’t see that you are getting opinions - and I don’t mean that in an arsey way at all even though it must come across that I am being mean. Anyway, I’m going to shut up now because I can’t find the words to express myself properly except to say again that I’m happy for you and yours 😀

SplendidSuns1000 · 11/03/2021 18:43

If it's something that makes you happy, they'll want to hear it. Even at our lowest points we'd all be happy for a loved one to have good news.

(do tell us though Wink )

LunaHeather · 11/03/2021 18:46

I completely understand OP

Especially if there's any link to money and there's a risk people will ask to borrow.

Sometimes people are having such a bad time, it's not just that they won't feel happy for you, they can't and it is almost adding to the burden to tell them and they have to fake happy.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 11/03/2021 18:50

Congratulations on your good news! Surely the people who love you will be happy to hear it?

I think I've only been in your situation once before and it was to do with telling my closest friend I was pregnant when she was struggling with infertility. If it's anything like that then I do understand op Flowers.

dappledsunshine · 11/03/2021 18:51

Oh tell us OP! Would be nice to have something happy to bask in Smile

Howshouldibehave · 11/03/2021 18:56

If you came on here saying ‘I’ve just got a big promotion/bought a new house/won the lottery but can’t tell anyone in real life as they’ll think I’m gloating’, then people could celebrate with you and also empathise about a situation when something similar happened to them.

But you’ve come on here and gone-I’ve got a secret that I can’t tell anyone in real life and I’m not telling you either! It’s a little bit difficult to know what to reply!

Original poster
NewRenovation · 11/03/2021 19:12

After some inheritance issues (Dh side) we've bought out a family member's holiday home. In the future, it will be somewhere for people to stay (for free), but for now I know it’s something that one of my friends has dreamed of doing. I know people will be happy for us and maybe I’m being silly, but we’re able to do this when others have suffered depression (serious) and have had job/money issues (family - we've offered to help).

OP posts:
Original poster
NewRenovation · 11/03/2021 19:15

@Anne1958

Good to get other people’s opinions on it though

I think there’s something I’m not understanding because I can’t see that you are getting opinions - and I don’t mean that in an arsey way at all even though it must come across that I am being mean. Anyway, I’m going to shut up now because I can’t find the words to express myself properly except to say again that I’m happy for you and yours 😀

I meant your opinion Wink Grin
OP posts:
orangejuicer · 11/03/2021 19:15

I think you're over thinking this OP. If it was money or pregnancy I could see where you're coming from.

Yay for you though Grin

Original poster
NewRenovation · 11/03/2021 19:16

@LunaHeather

I completely understand OP

Especially if there's any link to money and there's a risk people will ask to borrow.

Sometimes people are having such a bad time, it's not just that they won't feel happy for you, they can't and it is almost adding to the burden to tell them and they have to fake happy.

Thank you. Yes, I think they’re at that point.

I’m probably sounding dramatic, but I don’t them to have to fake feeling happy for us.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewRenovation · 11/03/2021 19:17

@orangejuicer

I think you're over thinking this OP. If it was money or pregnancy I could see where you're coming from.

Yay for you though Grin

It feels like money. Never in a million years could we have ever dreamt to be able to do this in other circumstances.
OP posts:
orangejuicer · 11/03/2021 19:20

It is like money but it's not quite the same as winning the lottery for example. And you said this came via inheritance which in itself isn't a positive thing really? I think you're fine. Enjoy it!

Dailywalk · 11/03/2021 19:25

Completely understand where you’re coming from if a friend is hoping to get holiday home and from sounds of it you seem to have got there before her without too much effort. If this is the case then I think it’s nice of you to be worried about upsetting anyone. On the other hand you don’t want to look like you were being secretive and weird if and when people find out?

itsgettingwierd · 11/03/2021 19:49

You can announce it as a positive to them.

Perhaps a message - something like

After a shite year we have been very lucky to purchase a holiday home from family with inheritance.

We are hoping restrictions will lift soon so it's available to use as would like to offer you a free (state no of days) stay.

We will be contacting people nearer the time when we have availability.

I totally get why you fell it could be insensitive but a) friends will be happy for you and b) this way hopefully your sharing your news whilst cheering them up with your intentions at the same time!

Congratulations btw!

LunaHeather · 11/03/2021 20:23

@NewRenovation

After some inheritance issues (Dh side) we've bought out a family member's holiday home. In the future, it will be somewhere for people to stay (for free), but for now I know it’s something that one of my friends has dreamed of doing. I know people will be happy for us and maybe I’m being silly, but we’re able to do this when others have suffered depression (serious) and have had job/money issues (family - we've offered to help).
Oh that's fantastic!

I am really pleased for you. I completely understand and endorse your decision to keep quiet.

When I bought my previous flat, I basically lost a good friend who was the same age and in huge debt. My parents actually helped her pay one debt (incurred due to her mother being ill, long story).

I obviously had to have her round as even our families were friends - we had shared a flat before I bought - but when she saw it for real, I think something clicked and she looked so, so unhappy. She phased me out and then got in touch later when things were better for her.

There wasn't a way to avoid that situation but you can definitely keep this quiet. I also wouldn't want to get anyone's hopes up about going abroad tbh.

Are you going to choose new things for the place? That's so exciting. Hug it like a secret and enjoy.

Original poster
NewRenovation · 11/03/2021 21:14

Thank you for your understanding Flowers

After all this, it’ll be great for everyone, but just right now it feels like rubbing salt in a wound.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewRenovation · 11/03/2021 21:18

First things are to visit when we’re allowed. It needs a new roof (local builder has been in), but then it’s a case of cleaning and sorting the garden out (to make it manageable).

OP posts:
SameToo · 11/03/2021 21:22

@NewRenovation I married up. Big up. It’s hard to talk about it to people, especially my family. I was a single mum for years but still feel bad I’ve been given this life.