Has anyone had to deal with good news that they can’t share?

[NewRenovation]

First world problem. I get it.

Some things have gone right for us - mostly through luck. I’m bursting to talk with the family members and friends that I normally would, but can’t. Everyone's having such a hard time and we’re in a position that I know some people would be envious of, so I don’t want to talk about it with them. Not saying anything is harder than you would think.

Don’t know why I’m starting this thread! Just want to get it off my chest somewhere!!

To clarify I’m not a princess or anything but I own a house. If I decided not to work, it would be ok. All seems magical to me

@SameToo

To clarify I’m not a princess or anything but I own a house. If I decided not to work, it would be ok. All seems magical to me

Magical. That’s the word. My husband's family aren’t overly rich, but they’re the side of the family to have holiday homes IYSWIM. My family have worked hard and still had to live month to month. Long term, this could really be good for them, but for now I have something they have dreamed and dreamed of. My friend will eventually visit and stay, but for now she lives alone and worries about paying the bills after furlough. I’m waiting for the bubble to burst.

But what do you mean when you say they've dreamed about this? Do you mean day dreaming, like on a lottery thread on here? Most people struggle with paying for one home, never mind two. You will be giving them the opportunity to stay in the holiday home - that's really kind of you.

Just make sure that if you let people stay, you're not out of pocket yourself.

You sound really nice to be thinking of family and friends first and I’m really glad you are excited about your new holiday home. Also lovely to plan to share it . I agree so many are in a hard place at the moment and I try to temper our news as it can feel wrong to say we are all fine when some found remote learning exhausting etc . It’s been quite a tough lot of months.

I feel a little like this at the moment.

I have given notice to retire at 58 in a few months, DH (slightly younger) will keep working for a year or 2. I have worked non stop for almost 40yrs, I have just reached the point where I am ready to finish, and know I can do so comfortably, DH is happy for me to finish, so why not. I don’t have a large final salary pot, but have some small ones, plus we have investments built up primarily through being careful (with a little luck added too).

I am slowly telling people and most are happy for me, but the odd one or 2 have made comments along the lines of “it is quite young, how can you afford it etc etc”, which is making me reluctant to tell other friends, and contributing to a guilt feeling, which I know is stupid.

We have always been very private regarding our finances, so I don’t feel it’s anyone’s business how I can afford to finish at 58, but these comments make me feel that I need to validate my decision!

Incidentally Op, one of the most supportive is a friend at work who is 54 and has a second home which she loves...but cheerfully admits she will have to work for years as she has a primary age child!

Yes! I've secured a contract this week to edit a book for someone well known but I'm not allowed to talk about it - I've signed an NDA.

I'll be credited in the book when it's finished (I'm on the acknowledgements page!) but that'll be months away. I want to tell people NOW!

@SameToo

To clarify I’m not a princess or anything but I own a house. If I decided not to work, it would be ok. All seems magical to me

I can see why that's magical. I don't tell people IRL about my finances. Although where I live is getting really rough and concerned friends and family say "can't you move?"

Actually yes I can afford to move, but tbh lots of parts of the country are getting rougher.

But the other reason I won't move is I can retire early staying here. When I do retire (early) I'm going to lie and say I do bits and pieces.

Many people get very jealous about anything linked to money and I don't blame them tbh. When I was young I used to weep at the thought of working long hours till retirement. Like, literally.

@LindaEllen

Yes! I've secured a contract this week to edit a book for someone well known but I'm not allowed to talk about it - I've signed an NDA.

I'll be credited in the book when it's finished (I'm on the acknowledgements page!) but that'll be months away. I want to tell people NOW!

Niiiiice 🥂

We had a moderate windfall about 5 years ago. Didn’t feel announcement worthy, so we just quietly paid our mortgage down. About 18 months ago we moved to a bigger house. Some friends expressed surprise that we had saved so much as it was out of reach for them, that’s when we told them. They were super pleased for us, but it was definitely the right time to tell them.

We had to keep quiet with local friends when our children (14 & 17 at the time) inherited a decent sum from a distant relative a few years ago - mainly so that none of their friends found out and could try and get them to share it. We live in a small town, one high school, so it wouldn’t have been hard for it to spread amongst their friends.

I did mention it to a couple of non local friends, plus other relatives were beneficiaries in the same will, so I could talk to them.

They will eventually use it for house deposits, but by then our friends will just think they have large mortgages (they will have some mortgage, large or small depending on where they buy).

It's lovely news OP but don't get carried away with offering a stay to all and sundry for free! You will be seriously out of pocket.

The cleaners will have to go in and change the bedding and clean up after guests, which is not cheap. Then all the bills that still have to be paid.

It's lovely that you want to offer it for free but at least take some money to cover your costs.

I speak from the voice of experience of a very similar situation. I used to have a holiday home and friends and family soon try to take advantage.

Sorry to piss on your parade, it is fantastic news but just be aware.

I'm happy for you OP- that's great news!

How lovely.

If it’s any consolation, we’ve had a shit year due to shielding, money worries and health problems but if a friend told me they’d managed to buy a holiday home, I’d still be happy for them. Even more so if they offered me a weekend away!

OP, I think you’re making a far bigger deal out of this than necessary — from the way you talked this up at the start of the thread, I thought it was an enormous lottery win or something, whereas this is just a very nice, but much more modest thing. I wouldn’t hesitate to tell people, and I certainly think you don’t need to buy their approval by offering to let them stay there whoever they want.

@Slacktide

OP, I think you’re making a far bigger deal out of this than necessary — from the way you talked this up at the start of the thread, I thought it was an enormous lottery win or something, whereas this is just a very nice, but much more modest thing. I wouldn’t hesitate to tell people, and I certainly think you don’t need to buy their approval by offering to let them stay there whoever they want.

I'm guessing you are all right to pay bills at the mo?

@LindaEllen

Yes! I've secured a contract this week to edit a book for someone well known but I'm not allowed to talk about it - I've signed an NDA.

I'll be credited in the book when it's finished (I'm on the acknowledgements page!) but that'll be months away. I want to tell people NOW!

Yay! Congratulations!!

@Slacktide

OP, I think you’re making a far bigger deal out of this than necessary — from the way you talked this up at the start of the thread, I thought it was an enormous lottery win or something, whereas this is just a very nice, but much more modest thing. I wouldn’t hesitate to tell people, and I certainly think you don’t need to buy their approval by offering to let them stay there whoever they want.

A holiday home is not a modest thing for everybody, though.

I'm guessing you are all right to pay bills at the mo?

No and there’s the thing. Had we had to buy for it normally, we couldn’t have afforded it let alone the bills. This way we should be able to afford the bills (and everything else), but if we can’t, we have something to sell.

How wonderful! Congratulations on your holiday home

@NewRenovation

I'm guessing you are all right to pay bills at the mo?

No and there’s the thing. Had we had to buy for it normally, we couldn’t have afforded it let alone the bills. This way we should be able to afford the bills (and everything else), but if we can’t, we have something to sell.

That should have said yes!

I know what you mean OP. We have had a small and unexpected piece of economic good fortune. We are doing our sums but think that we will both be able to dump our (much hated) jobs by the summer and we plan to take a few years out to see our Dcs through school (and will possibly retrain at the same time) and then will see what we want to do after that.

I cannot tell anyone, and we plan to say that DH has started a business and I am doing freelance work. In fact, we might end up doing exactly that. But I feel so so so BLESSED to be able to plan this. Our oldest DS has moderate learning difficulties and being able to be with him while he gets through his teenage years seems like a true gift from heaven.

I'd never tell anyone though, because I know how much my friends and family have been struggling.

@LunaHeather and OP, my job actually disappeared due to COVID, unfortunately just after I had moved countries for it, so no, not exactly flush. However, this would not make me resent someone else’s holiday home. It’s not as though money is some finite cake where the more someone else gets, the less there is for me.

It is very hard to be happy or share happiness when everyone is suffering so much. I live somewhere without really any restrictions and when friends and family back home ask what I'm doing at the weekend and I say yoga class, or nails, or hair appointment, I can see it pains them. It pains me that the people I love are living this half-life, but obviously it pains them more. I notice that my husband lies when he talks to his family and makes it seem worse here than it is. I don't know if that's the right thing to do though? I want an authentic relationship with the people I care about.

I've just moved to a beautiful city with incredible weather and live in a fabulous apartment within walking distance of my new job. I have a balcony with a sea view. My employers at my new school think I'm wonderful and I've just been rated "Outstanding" in a formal observation. I am so, so lucky. But how can I be OK when everything is so very awful? It makes no sense, and my joys don't feel the same as they did pre-pandemic. It's a little like living in a parallel universe. I used to just feel like I lived in another country, and that it was simply a space I could switch at will. Now I feel like I'm locked into another world. A better world, but one I can't leave or bring those I love into. I'm lucky, but it's so surreal.

@RacheyCat

It is very hard to be happy or share happiness when everyone is suffering so much. I live somewhere without really any restrictions and when friends and family back home ask what I'm doing at the weekend and I say yoga class, or nails, or hair appointment, I can see it pains them. It pains me that the people I love are living this half-life, but obviously it pains them more. I notice that my husband lies when he talks to his family and makes it seem worse here than it is. I don't know if that's the right thing to do though? I want an authentic relationship with the people I care about.

I've just moved to a beautiful city with incredible weather and live in a fabulous apartment within walking distance of my new job. I have a balcony with a sea view. My employers at my new school think I'm wonderful and I've just been rated "Outstanding" in a formal observation. I am so, so lucky. But how can I be OK when everything is so very awful? It makes no sense, and my joys don't feel the same as they did pre-pandemic. It's a little like living in a parallel universe. I used to just feel like I lived in another country, and that it was simply a space I could switch at will. Now I feel like I'm locked into another world. A better world, but one I can't leave or bring those I love into. I'm lucky, but it's so surreal.

Same situation here, when I talk to family and friends I end up not talking about things we are doing so it doesnt upset them, just general things like going out for dinner, celebrating birthdays, going out with friends etc that they arent able to do but then they dont get to really know what we are doing in life day to day and that feels odd too almost like we are in a bit of a secret world that makes us feel even more apart from them.