Intrusive thoughts

[Mumtotwoxo]

I have just had a baby 10 weeks ago. I was doing well apart from small panic attacks from my anxiety that I’ve suffered with for years. The other day out the blue I started having intense panic attacks where I can’t sleep and intrusive thoughts that are extremely scary and real. I feel like a bad mum. Has anyone suffered this too? Reached out to my gp and now referred to a MH nurse.

Hi OP,

How has your day been?

I have always mildy suffered from intrusive thoughts since early teens. Very occasional though. I remember my mum suggesting writing them down and binning them. That worked then.

But they resurfaced when I had DD1. Suddenly writing them down seemed too harsh and almost like I would be jinxing things and making them real! Anxiety is wonderful isn't it

I used to try to fight and banish the thoughts but they would haunt me in return.

I read once to accept the thought. Don't fight it. Accept it for what it is. A thought. Yes a horrible distressing thought. But quite simply JUST a thought. I did this more and more and it worked! Sometimes I'd mentally tell them to fuck off afterwards as well

I still get them occasionaly but they don't scare me anymore.

I opened up to people close to me also. It took me a while to do this because I was ashamed. But they were amazing. It's good to talk and normalize these things.

Sending you strength OP.

@TheLumpySofaCushion hopefully seeing my partner tomorrow - what's your plans?
Tonight I'm going to try take over nighttime with my baby again x

@Notquitesureaboutthis thank you for sharing and your kind words.
The days seem a little brighter but nighttime and quiet time is still a disaster.
I'm awaiting cbt but for now I'm reading books on intrusive thoughts and negative thinking which I hope helps x

[quote Mumtotwoxo]@TheLumpySofaCushion hopefully seeing my partner tomorrow - what's your plans?
Tonight I'm going to try take over nighttime with my baby again x[/quote]
Oh, I do love reading your updates.

I'll be thinking of you with your baby later. You'll be fine - even if the thoughts come, just follow your routine and be proud of yourself in the morning.. look how far you've come in just two weeks.

Your experiences have made me look back on a few things myself, which has been really eye opening. Just recognising how dark things were but they are now just memories has been so valuable.

I bet you've made such a difference to so many people with this post 🥰

@TheLumpySofaCushion I did it 👏🏼 managed to get up this morning and go about my normal routine too without a shadow of thought. Feeling proud and hoping it continues.
How are you this morning? X

@Mumoftwoxo, that is brilliant! I'm so happy for you

That’s fab, @Mumtotwoxo! You’re getting there. Xx

@Blurberoo @HaHaVeryBunny thank you! How are you both doing? X

[quote Mumtotwoxo]**@Blurberoo* @HaHaVeryBunny* thank you! How are you both doing? X[/quote]
I'm doing great thanks :)
You should be so proud of yourself the progress you made from the time you started this thread upon till today is fantastic X 👏

YEYEYEYEY!!!

What a wonderful post to read.

I know so many people reading this thread will be cheering for you!

What a difference two weeks have made. Well done, you have done soooo well, and by being open, sharing and asking for help, your road to recovery is that much quicker.

I so pleased you had a great night.

Just a quick, important thing to say, though: as and when the thoughts continue to come, don't think you're going backwards. You're absolutely not. The brain is a sneaky bastard; it will continually try and get your attention, so expect that and don't worry about it. You are starting to have more good times than bad - woooo hooo!!!!

Brilliant news OP
You go girl!

@HaHaVeryBunny thank you for your support x

@BreakfastClub80 thank you!! Hope you're well x

@TheLumpySofaCushion hello! How are you? I had another successful night with my kids - thoughts not shifting but the panic has thanks to the medication. Each day I'm hoping gets that little bit better! Thank you for your continued support! X

[quote Mumtotwoxo]@HaHaVeryBunny thank you for your support x[/quote]
You're so welcome :)
Hope you're doing well today X

Your posts are making me smile @Mumtotwoxo 😎

A gardening day here today - in England you can have up to 6 in the garden next weekend, so we need to make it presentable!!!

@HaHaVeryBunny - I wanted to say that I learned a lot from your posts. I hadn't know about the info in the links you shared.

Even though my own situation was years ago, it's been very helpful and comforting to understand more about what happened to me, so thank you.

OP - If you hadn't have been brave enough to start this post, I wouldn't have had that peace, so I'm very grateful to you xxx

[quote TheLumpySofaCushion]@HaHaVeryBunny - I wanted to say that I learned a lot from your posts. I hadn't know about the info in the links you shared.

Even though my own situation was years ago, it's been very helpful and comforting to understand more about what happened to me, so thank you.

OP - If you hadn't have been brave enough to start this post, I wouldn't have had that peace, so I'm very grateful to you xxx[/quote]
@TheLumpySofaCushion, oh thank you so much :) l'm really glad that l helped in someway X

I suffered very bad Pure O years ago (before it was really know or talked about) until I stumbled on an article that made sense to me. I wasn't going mad l just had Pure O, so whenever l see someone online going through what l went through l make it my mission to help. So your post means a lot.

And you yourself have been a great source of help and support for others here too X

@TheLumpySofaCushion @HaHaVeryBunny both lovely ladies.
I feel like I've hit a brick wall this morning. Rushing thoughts and fear has came right back to me like the first time it happened and I feel so out of control again!!
Is this normal to happen when in recovery? Feel like I've went straight back to the start but I'm pushing for it to go away as I know and want to keep getting better x

[quote Mumtotwoxo]**@TheLumpySofaCushion* @HaHaVeryBunny* both lovely ladies.
I feel like I've hit a brick wall this morning. Rushing thoughts and fear has came right back to me like the first time it happened and I feel so out of control again!!
Is this normal to happen when in recovery? Feel like I've went straight back to the start but I'm pushing for it to go away as I know and want to keep getting better x [/quote]
Oh yes, you will have days when you feel the thoughts are more intense or intrusive but you definitely don't go back to square one, you just say to yourself, "yep, l'm having a bit of a bad OCD today but it will pass".
You have made huge strides and in the right direction, it's just a little bump along the way X

@HaHaVeryBunny did you suffer these types of days? I'm fighting so hard this morning to tell myself it is just thoughts but it feels so powerful x

[quote Mumtotwoxo]@HaHaVeryBunny did you suffer these types of days? I'm fighting so hard this morning to tell myself it is just thoughts but it feels so powerful x[/quote]
Yes, l did and l know what its like, as if it's for nothing and I'm never going be free of OCD. But it doesn't work like that l promise.

You will have bad days but gradually the better days will come more.
Even if you just break it down and say "well, I had a good morning yesterday, and hopefully will have a good evening too but lf I don't, l will deal with it and continue on as I have being doing as things are getting better.

You are doing brilliantly X

@HaHaVeryBunny does it ever go away? I'm so tired of fighting now x

[quote Mumtotwoxo]@HaHaVeryBunny does it ever go away? I'm so tired of fighting now x[/quote]
Yes, yes it does, believe me l know how draining it is, with it all going on privately in your head.

But it does get better, not overnight but you're already starting to see changes in your thoughts you will notice more and days that are good you might have one or two bad days but the good days will eventually outnumber the bad ones.

You are right on track, go easy on yourself if you are feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment just tell yourself, its OK to have a bad day but that's all its is, not back to square one, just a bad day x

Ah, @Mumtotwoxo - pls don't worry. It's such a horrible illness but you are doing so well. You will have horrible moments like you've just had, but they will get less and less and they will stop bothering you.