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Original poster

How do you discipline this? 5 year old

50 replies

Pipppin · 02/03/2021 18:07

Hi,
I’ve name changed but I’m desperate for help with my 5 year old. He’s not your typical ‘naughty child’, he’s very clever & also sensitive (e.g. cries at tv programmes).

But since he’s been in reception he has:
• Last year - Ripped up somebody’s painting (because somebody told him to). Was shouted at & told to make her a sorry card.
• Last week - Punched one friend on the bum & one on the arm because they made themselves a sword/shield & said they would make him one but didn’t. Was shouted at & told to make sorry cards.
• Today - Blew a raspberry (spat) at somebody in the toilet after another child blew a raspberry in their face & threw water at them.

He’s also very heavy handed with his little brother & always gets in his space.

I’m at an absolute loss at what to do as it’s now two incidents in a week, one involving the same child. Funnily enough his ‘best friend’! I’m absolutely mortified & just don’t know how to deal with it!

What punishment is correct? What can I actually do to help? I just don’t know what to do, I thought last week he had learnt his lesson but this is ridiculous. The teacher & the child’s parents must think he’s an absolute brat, I’m so embarrassed.

OP posts:
FoonySpucker · 02/03/2021 18:09

Who is shouting at him?

Monsterjam · 02/03/2021 18:09

I wonder whether shouting necessary? He needs to learn to deal with emotions calmly and kindly and being shouted at is teaching him that’s how you deal with being upset.

WishingHopingThinkingPraying · 02/03/2021 18:11

He sounds pretty normal. Correct him, explain what he should have done and move on.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

5 year olds Behaviour & development Families Primary education
Jammysod · 02/03/2021 18:14

This is in no way a judgement (I have shouted at my 6yr old on plenty of occasions), but have you tried getting to his eye level & talking to him instead of shouting? Asking him 'how would you feel if they did that to you?' or similar.
You could put his favourite toy away for a set period as a punishment or not let him watch his favourite TV show.
It's a hard bloody age this & I don't think the whole pandemic thing is helping!

Iveputmyselfonthenaughtystep · 02/03/2021 18:15

Presumably he's being disciplined in school? I wouldn't give him a second punishment at home, but I would try and talk to him about motivations. Emotions and how we can deal with negative emotions in a more positive way.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/03/2021 18:16

Shouting at him certainly isn't going to help anything. All that does is mirror his lack of self-control.

MaMaD1990 · 02/03/2021 18:22

Could a sticker chart for the week help? Say if he gets to the end of the week with no bad behaviour at school he can have xyz? Also reinforce that if he feels he's been 'wronged' in some way, being physical isn't acceptable. I also would keep an eye on this other boy, if it involves the same kid each time your son could also be on the end of some unkind behaviour.

itsgettingwierd · 02/03/2021 18:25

He's 5! 3 incidents in a year of silly behaviour is actually good going!

If he's heavy handed remove him from situation and tell him he's being to rough.

Stop shouting at him for being 5 and stop the sorry cards which are the biggest pile of wank in consequences going.

Teach him to recognise what he's done is wrong - not repeating behaviour is far more effective than sorry.

MrBullinaChinaShop · 02/03/2021 18:27

I mean, in the grand scheme of things they don’t sound like massive crimes for a 5 year old. It’s just silliness.
Who is doing the shouting? School?

Sgjudxbyef · 02/03/2021 18:28

What on earth are you expecting shouting to achieve?

Mabelface · 02/03/2021 18:33

He sounds like a typical 5 year old learning how to behave. If he's punished in school, they've dealt with it there and then. Punishment when you get him home is way too late.

Justmuddlingalong · 02/03/2021 18:33

Stop shouting and calmly discuss his feelings and behaviour. Stop worrying about what other people think and try to help him express himself better.

potter5 · 02/03/2021 18:38

School shouted, not OP!

FelicityPike · 02/03/2021 18:40

@potter5

School shouted, not OP!
That’s not what it says. It doesn’t say who’s shouting at this poor boy. If it’s the school, I’d be having a severe word. If it’s his parents...I’d be having a severe word with myself!
Justmuddlingalong · 02/03/2021 18:42

If it's the teacher who's doing the shouting, did you hear that from the school or your DS? He's possibly confusing being shouted at with getting a row.

Bunnybigears · 02/03/2021 18:44

Nobody should be shouting at him! Calmly tell him why we don't do those things, ask him to apologise to the injured parties, move on.

MrBullinaChinaShop · 02/03/2021 18:45

@potter5

School shouted, not OP!
She hasn’t actually said that.
TomHardyAndMe · 02/03/2021 18:47

Discipline means LEARN, not punish.

Who learns from being shouted at?!

Merename · 02/03/2021 18:47

I agree op that this all sounds pretty normal. I’m sure we can all understand that feeling of being mortified at times but it’s not a good place from which to decide how to respond. This is about what’s best for your son and helping him learn how you expect him to behave. I don’t think these are huge discipline issues, more typical developmental stage stuff. I think it’s more about buying some books that deal with how we treat friends etc.

Original poster
Pipppin · 02/03/2021 18:50

Woah, bloody hell bit of a pasting. I feel like I’m going about this all wrong & it’s clear to see I am.

It is me doing the shouting. He did say one of the teachers did shout last week & said “do you want to go to the headteachers office?” But as far as I know, they don’t do shouting. I can’t believe having the teacher pull you to one side 3 times so far this year is considered good? I genuinely feel like I’ve had a rocket up the arse feeling like a terrible parent who’s creating a naughty child.

So if the school have given sanctions you wouldn’t? Just calmly speak to him about his behaviour & why?

God I feel awful now! I am putting the children to bed but taking on board all the comments. He is 5 but I feel like maybe I do treat him like he’s older as he is clever, I feel like he knows better, but yes - he is 5 (was 5 in September) so maybe I need to give my head a wobble.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pipppin · 02/03/2021 18:51

Gosh I feel silly, I just don’t know how to get through to him but clearly it doesn’t work. The sorry cards were his idea, to be fair, he likes a card. But yes, it’s completely losing it’s ‘impact’ as it does cock all to help!

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 02/03/2021 18:59

Look l am a teacher of small children and this is not totally unusual. Often children get over excited and do silly boisterous things without really meaning to. It's not the end of the world and he sounds like a sensitive enough boy so take encouragement from that. Don't shout!! I know its embarrassing to have teacher call you but these things are regular enough in younger primary classes and you have no idea how many others are being contacted. What l like to see as a teacher is a parent who is supportive and who doesn't act like her sweet darling would never hurt a fly. Just say to teacher thanks for letting me know..l will speak to him about that. Then talk to your ds about being gentle and kind and move on.
Nothing e has done would shock me as a teacher.

Justmuddlingalong · 02/03/2021 19:00

You're possibly seeing him as older because he has a younger sibling. But 5 is still quite little. He's also suggesting making a card as it pacifies you and he enjoys making them. He is indeed very clever.

IloveJudgeJudy · 02/03/2021 19:03

My philosophy was that if the school had already punished then the incident was over. I didn't punish/shout at again, otherwise it's double punishment.

FishWithoutABike · 02/03/2021 19:08

I’d have just done a ‘chat’ possibly at bed time about kind behaviour. If I really thought he was out of order I’d say he can’t have a treat or screen time. Making a card which he likes doing doesn’t feel like a punishment.