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What could he possibly need them for

161 replies

skyisthelimit1 · 01/03/2021 12:57

Few weeks ago I asked my DH of 12 years to leave. He's been abusive and controlling and I couldn't take it anymore.

Last week he came to the house to see the kids and before he left he asked for the kids passport he said he needs to take copies of them incase I lose the passports and I end up need the passport number. I said to him I won't and if I do I'll just report them lost. anyways after arguing with him I decided to let him take copies.

Now I'm worried, what can he do with the copies? He also has copy of my passport in his phone.

OP posts:
Neverspeakofthisagain · 01/03/2021 21:51

I"m thinking out loud here, so this might be a terrible idea - other's may have an option - but I'd be half tempted to acknowledge your fear to him but call his bluff on it.

Something like: I was thinking about how much you pressured me into handing over the passport details and I got myself panicked that you were planning an abduction. I know it's ridiculous now, but I really talked myself into the possibility. So just to put my mind at rest, I called a solicitor who put me on to a specialist and they have added the DCs names and passport numbers to an 'at risk of abduction' register. So if we ever do arrange for them to travel with you, you'd have to remind me to organise the paperwork so you can take them out of the country - because as things stand you can't get a new passport or take them onto a plane.

Sorry if I over-reacted - I'm sure you wouldn't do that, but I'd really convinced myself it was a possibility.

Do you think he'd fall for that?

Neverspeakofthisagain · 01/03/2021 21:51

*opinion not option - gah

DaiquirisinDorset · 01/03/2021 22:19

The H has a history of being abusive. I would be extremely concerned that suggesting to him that the OP thinks he might abduct his DC could backfire.

I truly hope the OP can access excellent legal advice tomorrow and be in a position to follow it.

Good luck OP.

Derbee · 02/03/2021 00:24

OP, you’ve had some good advice, but is is VERY WORRYING that you seem so trusting about school/nursery etc.

Take legal advice.
Assume your ex is planning to abduct the children, and put safeguarding measures in place.
If you trust that things will be ok, without safeguarding under the advice of a lawyer, it might be the biggest mistake you ever make

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 02/03/2021 02:11

OP, teacher here, your school will have a list of pupils that all staff have access to that says only one person can collect them. Get your kids on this list ASAP and ask them to alert you if your ex tries to pick them up.

Get a solicitor, don't let him see them in the meantime. But at the very least email the school in the morning.

NoMackerelInSwindon · 02/03/2021 04:02

OP unless you get effective legal representation and intervention you are gambling your kids away.

Don’t rely on the advice and actions of others. This is a legal matter.

TechnoDino · 02/03/2021 08:03

Thos could be a good time for your children to develop covid symptoms and have to self isolate (from your exH) whilst you take advice and implement it.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 02/03/2021 08:33

You've had some very good advice here OP

I strongly suggest you heed it and do not let your children out of your sight!

You need a specialist solicitor. And fast. Don't delay on this

Iceskatingfan · 02/03/2021 09:14

OP, I really hope your friend is coming over first thing today so you can get to ringing a solicitor. This should be the number one thing on your to do list today, even ahead of feeding the children etc (OK I don’t suggest you leave them unfed all day 😂) but you know what I mean. And I would not send them to school or nursery until things are a bit more sorted than this just in case.

You need to say it is urgent and you must speak to someone today, as your husband who is from the ME came to get the children’s passport details and you fear he plans to abduct them imminently. And you are looking for their help to apply for a very urgent (like today/tomorrow) prohibited steps order to block him from leaving the country with them. I know it’s scary to think about and may seem overly dramatic to you at this point. None of us want you to be crying and terrified but unfortunately an international child abduction can happen all too quickly and be all too real and irreversible. I really hope we are all wrong and your ex has no intention of this, but it is very hard to think of a reason why he would be asking for the passport details that has no sinister motive behind it, and it’s too much of a gamble with your precious children to leave it up to chance. If you take these steps to protect them it won’t do any harm and massively protects things in the event of an attempted abduction in the future.

DO NOT SAY ANYTHING TO HIM about your suspicions as a previous PP has suggested. That would be a disaster and will only either invite abuse or even worse, cause him to speed up his plans to abduct them before you can get everything in place. If you say this he could use force to take the children there and then and go straight to the airport. Keep it quiet and play the oblivious and compliant ex wife so that he doesn’t know you are on to him, at least until all the steps talked about have been taken. If you get a prohibited steps order granted, he will have to be informed of it officially at that stage so he will know at that stage that you know but you’ll have made an abduction attempt so much harder (and ensured police taking it seriously and triggering border alerts and recovering the children if he does actually take them).

You said you reported the passports lost? As you have them, I personally would have just called and asked them to add the caveat, but it’s done now and isn’t necessarily a bad thing unless it leaves the door wide open for him to apply for replacement passports if you haven’t also told them that you are worried about abduction so if you didn’t mention this please call them back too!

Good luck! Do let us know how you get on. And don’t feel bad for giving him the passport details, it’s good you didn’t hand over the actual passports and it’s good that his requesting them rang an alarm bell in your head and made you post here. Now you need to act on that alarm bell. I do know how stressful it is to be in a situation like this (my ex is from a non Hague convention Caribbean country and threatened abduction early on after we split, he did actually take him out of my care three times but fortunately not out of the country so I was able to get him back, but this is how I know the risks and the likely response of school and also police if you don’t have a prohibited steps order which I did not the first time as I was blindsided by it. Fortunately for me the first couple of times he only took him for the evening to show me that he could and brought him back to school ok, the third time was more serious but because I had the prohibited steps order and had alerted the passport office etc, he knew it would be hard to get him out of the country and I was able to get him back with an emergency court order and police involvement plus border alerts etc).

I know it’s difficult to juggle “normal life” stuff around trying to sort out this sort of nightmare but it absolutely must take priority today xx

timeisnotaline · 02/03/2021 10:15

Of course he could take them from school, he’d have Id saying he’s their parent and there’s no legal reason obtained and registered with school. They wouldn’t care he doesn’t have the password, that’s a check to make sure strangers don’t take them.

UhtredRagnarson · 02/03/2021 10:24

Please definitely do not tell him your suspicions! Whether to call his bluff or otherwise. Forewarned is forearmed- he’ll just get working on his next plan. Tell him nothing. Don’t even let him think you are suspicious.

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