It's time to teach DH a lesson WWYD

[Gcnq]

OK
Background: it's a pandemic and we've been stuck with only each other and DS for company for about a year (neither of us critical workers and DH is clinically vulnerable so REALLY cautious). We don't actually hate each other but as you can imagine there's been endless nit-picking, complaining over nothing, irritation on both sides.

So, DH has been consistently complaining about whatever meals I cook. This is lunch and dinner every single day (thankfully he fixes his and DS breakfast every day). Yknow, it's too much, it's not enough, it's too whatever, it's not whatever enough...

I'm done basically.

He finally went too far in a discussion about healthy food groups with DS, part of DS home-learning assignment, he says

"Bought oven chips are healthier and better than the chips mummy makes"

Let me get this clear. In making chips I basically slice up a normal potato into chips, put about 1 teaspoon of olive oil on a baking tray, do a sort of pick up and drop motion with the sliced potato so it's all coated enough to brown nicely when cooking.

He's basically insulted my cooking for the last time.

I'm thinking of just serving up sliced cucumber and carrot for him tomorrow night? Maybe a whole week? What would you do?

@cheeseismydownfall

You need to pull him up on this shit right now. My good friend's DH has always made snide little comments just like this to their DD. In isolation none of them would seem that big of a deal, but the drip drip drop over time is so disrespectful and sadly the DD, now a teenager, speaks to my friend in exactly the same way that DH does while thinking the sun shines out of her father's arse.

I've seen this happen too. Don't let it get to this point, OP.

Cook for you and ds. Buy him ready meals and bung those in the oven.

Our rule: you interfere, you volunteer.

Oh dear, looks like he’ll have to cook some stuff in advance so he can do both bedtime AND mealtime. That’s what happens if you moan at someone who cooks dinner for you.

The line from Rita, Sue and Bob Too, comes to mind - "Make your own fucking tea!" brilliantly delivered by Lesley Sharp. Yes, it was about tea the drink but the principle is much the same.

Tell him he's on cooking duties from now on. He clearly knows better so you are handing over responsibility to him. Then watch him squirm.

I hate cooking - DH does all ours - so I'd much rather read a bedtime story to be honest. And who clears up the kitchen/does the washing up now?

Can't you point out that he's teaching your child the wrong message? Pre packed oven chips aren't at al healthier than a chopped raw potato in oil and then oven baked.

He's so rude about your cooking I would not be cooking for him any longer.

Why bother to slice? Just bung a carrot and a portion of cucumber on a plate.

@cheeseismydownfall

You need to pull him up on this shit right now. My good friend's DH has always made snide little comments just like this to their DD. In isolation none of them would seem that big of a deal, but the drip drip drop over time is so disrespectful and sadly the DD, now a teenager, speaks to my friend in exactly the same way that DH does while thinking the sun shines out of her father's arse.

This is my reality, please don’t let it become yours. You deserve so much more and so does your DC.

That's really disespectful OP. How can you allow him to do that and keep on cooking? In my house not a chance that would fly and tbh my DH would never ever dream of speaking to me like that if I'd made him something, nor would I do it to him. Please stop cooking for him, don't let this go on.

Do not put up with this shit!
He's a grown man.. he can cook for himself if he is critical of yours. And don't go buying ready meals as a mean alternative..again..he's an adult.. I presume he won't let himself starve to death!
It's teaching your ds to treat women as their built in cook/cleaner etc so a fair split is better anyway.

My husband once criticised my ironing. Once. 32 years ago. I haven't ironed a thing since We are still happily married! If I suggest something for dinner and he doesn't fancy it, we simply eat separately... same if he's cooking. No big deal. But anyone moaning does not get fed again in this house!

Goodness that have you taken it this long? I can imagine how’s id feel when living in proximity to someone in a pandemic. Put your foot down and stop cooking for him or get him to cook for everyone. That’ll shit him up.

He needs some education about healthy food if he thinks processed oven chips are healthier than peeling an actual potato at home and frying it in a bit of olive oil. He's not just ungrateful he's wrong.
I agree with the drip drip comments. A few years of this will be really damaging. Tackle it now.

Why bother to slice? Just bung a carrot and a portion of cucumber on a plate.

😂
Some of these replies are really making me laugh thank you

He needs some education about healthy food if he thinks processed oven chips are healthier than peeling an actual potato at home and frying it in a bit of olive oil. He's not just ungrateful he's wrong.

Oh god I know if his little digs had an ounce of truth to them I wouldn't be nearly so upset.

Not raw potato - I’m sure that’s poisonous 😂😂😂

No it's not!

I wouldn't be cooking for a critical dick either! Fuck that noise!

And I'd be telling him and telling him why too!

Our rule: you interfere, you volunteer. excellent rule!

My sister went through a phase of complaining about mums cooking (mums a lovely cook but not adventurous, sister was being influenced by "posher" friends and getting "notions" without doing so in a considerate or polite way) so one evening mum served up everyone else's dinner and served up sister 4 slices of dry bread and a glass of water! Apple for pud! Sister never complained again

@Chickenwing

Can you not just say all these digs are hurting your feelings and ask him to stop it?

We're sick to death of talking to be honest we've had several chats like this over the pandemic year, various different issues my fault or his. I've accepted his apologies, he's accepted my apologies, it's time for more drastic action.

Who washes up?

To be fair we have a dishwasher, but it's stuff like the pans, wooden spoons other stuff that we don't put in and because I do all the cooking I end up doing all the tidying up bits.

It's pretty shit that he's basically belittling you to your child.

And you don't want them to think that's remotely OK or normal.

Not that it matters but he's factually wrong - oven chips are pre-fried and have as much oil as any you'd get from a fast food establishment. Yours sound lovely, I do mine the same way with a bit of garlic salt and rosemary.

I'd do what I did with an awful housemate years ago - when I wanted to use the kitchen, I dumped all her dirty shit in a plastic tub I bought at poundland for the purpose, which I then shoved in the corner. I wiped down the bench, prepared my meals with my own dishes and pots, which I then washed nicely, dried, and took up to my room with me, where I also had a minifridge for my own food. I'd do that for myself and my children and leave him to get on with things however he preferred. Or I'd divorce him because I can guarantee that sort of behaviour is the thin end of the wedge.

Ugh the other thing about "just stop cooking for him" is that it's both lunch AND evening meal we're stuck in the house together!

The kitchen will have a constant stream of different meals being made in there all day long, it's a step too far I think.

Sorry he’s not a decent man and a good partner, nor a good dad, if he’s making shitty, disrespectful and ungrateful comments like that. Have you asked him straight out why he’s being such a twat?

I wouldn’t cook for him again, and I’m dead serious about that.

He will just have to organise himself so that he can still complete his family duties such as putting your son to bed.

My dh manages to have a ft cook every night help with homeschool and put dc to bed several nights a week. Come on OP you can do better than this.
He's just finished folding the washing as well.

You know this though. Deep down you have to know this! What is he doing that keeps him soooooo busy?!
Anyway offer to cook at weekends only and he can sort the weekday meals out because you're worried you're not capable of creating the healthy foods a god needs to keep going.

Well it’s up to you but think carefully about what message you’re sending your son in accepting that kind of shitty behaviour from his father. You are modelling relationships to him just as much as his dad is.

@addicted2spaniels

It's pretty shit that he's basically belittling you to your child.

And you don't want them to think that's remotely OK or normal.

This has actually become a concern of mine.

I'm tempted to make more of an issue out of this to justify my "action" (whatever that will be).

Ft job*

Ready meals for him. Cheap shitty ones. For lunch and dinner. He doesn't like your cooking, but it isn't convenient for him to cook so this seems the only option