anyone secretly imagining what it would be like when...

[steppemum]

... the kids are all grown up, dh is dead and you just have you, the cat and a little cottage?

I love them all dearly. No, really, I do.

But right now, I keep imagining what it would be like to be retired and in a little cottage with just me and the cat. Well OK, maybe 3 cats.
Few chickens free ranging, with no kids to moan about the poo.
Could be as clean or an untidy as I like. (and let's face it, it will be massively untidy. Until I decie it won't be and then when I clean it up, it will stay clean as long as I want it to)

Watch TV all day if I like, or, here's a thing not providing food 3 times a day, but only eating when I am hungry!
Eat in front of the TV, be really antisocial and not answer the phone to anyone.
No need to be sensible, or give a good role model.
Spread my painting stuff all over a new massive craft table, and not have to clear it up. Or show it to anyone.
Sew if I want to.
Or not. The pile of unfinished projects is between me and the wall and no-one else.
Buy junk furniture and do it up in the middle of the living room.

Just. Me.

Anyone else?

You’ve made me smile, I would like an interlinked house next door ... that only I have the keys to!

Yep, love them dearly, but the peace would be amazing

I do this! I love my kids & dh very much but I’ve also decorated my 1 bedroom retirement bungalow in my head with just my stuff. I have stocked my fridge with all the food that I like and planned a little garden.

@scrappydappydoo

I do this! I love my kids & dh very much but I’ve also decorated my 1 bedroom retirement bungalow in my head with just my stuff. I have stocked my fridge with all the food that I like and planned a little garden.

yes I've done this. If it wasn;t the cottage, I have a ground floor flat with french windows out onto a sunny courtyard garden. Colours, curtain (floating in the sun and breeze of the open french windows obviously) Pots of geraniums in bright colours

and curry.
I will eat Indian takeaway every single night for about 6 months.

I think exactly this (though my fantasy involves a really clean and tidy house). Tiny cottage, hut, camper van anything just for me really. I love to watch the 'tiny home' videos.

My DSs are now 22 and 27 and thanks to covid, unaffordable house prices etc etc come and go and are living with us at the moment. Of course I love them very, very much but when they were little I imagined they'd be gone by now. I deserve, and need my own space and peace and quiet now. Sadly this extends to DH. If we could get two tiny cottages in the same village. That would be perfect. I would spend all my time alone or perhaps with a dog, listening to podcasts, maybe gardening and going for walks with friends. I wouldn't have to discuss the blocked drains or what to have for supper or who to invite at Christmas or who's got a tummy ache or blah blah blah.

Oh yes those tiny spaces videos.
George whatsit was on last week, making a super deluxe caravan, and he interviewed a few people living in individual quirky caravans.
Loved them (mind you they need to have a loo)

I dream of a VW camper van, all done out just for me.
(again though, needs a loo)

My tiny cottage will be lovely and isolated (but with access for food deliveries simply because I'm disabled) I will be the crazy cat lady with great glee not having to look after everyone else's needs before my own. Well apart from the cats but I accept being their slave. I can eat or not as I want to and watch what I want, read when I want and have a garden full of white Roses and herbs.

and of course an unlimited pension so I can buy BOOKS.
Tonnes of them and have them in towering oiles if I want to.

And I will have a patchwork garish patterned sofa, with purple walls, and not care

whoops towering piles

Oh oh me me me!! I’m 33, DP is 40 basically and DS is 4. I love my son without question but DP and I joked about buying the house next door and putting a door through and I felt such a sense of peace This was DPs house before I moved in and he —his mother— has very strong decor preferences.

I would paint all the walls, not a white one to be seen. I would have a fabric sofa with beautiful cushions, maybe some velvet. My bedroom would be dark blue with an iron bed frame and I would have beautiful, feminine bedding that I would lovingly change weekly. I would have a crisp white set that would stay white and not get that dirty yellow colour where DP sleeps.

I would have lovely lovely food and never have to watch violent men films in the dark yellows and camo colours that DP loves. I would never have to listen to FUCKING SEA SHANTIES.

I would have a cat. She would be allowed on the bed.

And art work that I love on the walls. Whole picture walls dedicated to photos that I’ve taken.

That’s pretty much my great-aunt’s life in Wales, though she had sheep as well as pets. She lived to be 100.

I've never thought about this but you've really inspired me to start planning it. I always imagined empty nest syndrome would be the end of me, that I would spiral into a pit of despair and never crawl out. I often (not) jokingly tell husband he isn't allowed to die first because I would never cope.

You're completely right to turn it into a positive thing. My whole life is about them, and I wonder what I could become if I wasn't busy wiping sticky fingers and washing mountains of clothes. What a blissful fantasy you have, I'm pinching the painting table idea for mine!

Oh OP I completely empathise. I honestly understand what people say about missing the noise and chaos when your DC move out etc but I do have to say it's hard to imagine. I do have no doubt that I will thoroughly miss , at times , the noise of family life. But blimey at times i dream of that day when the dogs and I (because in my head I have three labradors snoozing at my feet in front of a log fire with books stacked up around my armchair....and no it's in my head so I do not have to account for the permanent energy of dog breeds or the effect of log fires on the environment...because it's in my head ).

I will have all the steampunk decorations around me I want without a slight raised eyebrow at the pointless ness of an ornament from an entirely function based DP (who bless him is far too sensible and indulgent to outright comment on decor....but I know he is thinking it ....loudly ...)

I will eat cheese on toast three times a day if I so wish without a DC requesting half of it and eating it all

Ooh and I shall eat a biscuit...in plain sight ....in the living room without a single request to share.

Sigh....retirement ...I can't wait. Pity I'm 41.

Oh yes!
A little cottage in the countryside near to some nice walks by a river. A border collie. An open fire. A little kitchen with door through to a little garden with a small greenhouse and sweet peas, edible peas and the like.
Bringing on the sighs just thinking about it!

Oh yes a dog, that likes cats, and chickens, and only needs walking when I WANT TO WALK, and in between lies by my feet and gazes adoringly into my face.

And I'll pour a glass of coke without any sanctimonious teens telling me off, and without one taking a large sip every time

In fact, today, just no teens would be a massive improvement

near the sea would be nice.

I always thought I was an extrovert.
The longer I am married and a mum, I realise that I am a secret intovert.

Please do understand, my family are amazing, they are just, at the moment, always THERE

Oh OP you read my mind!

Every night, in my head, I go to my 'cottage' as I am drifting off to sleep (several times a night, as my 18 month old wakes up multiple times). I literally get into my imaginary bed and listen to the imaginary wind in the imaginary trees.

My dog made the cut and stays with me, but other than that I am all alone in rural Ireland, in a little irish cottage with a log burner, acres of land that I have planted myself, jigsaws, repeats of Monarch of the Glen on my little television...bliss. I wear whatever I want, eat whatever I want whenever I want and literally, do whatever I want.

It's the only thing that keeps me sane.

BTW I think these are all much more reasonable fantasies than my own mother's when I was growing up, which was to spend two weeks in hospital over Christmas with a non-life threatening illness!

I dream of a little house I could furnish and decorate exactly as I pleased, and it would be free of all the man clutter (wires, paperwork, piles of trainers, random DIY bits) and tidy and cosy. I could eat salmon and asparagus for dinner, or baked sweet potatoes, and never have to buy chicken dippers. I could watch TV, read a book and have a shower in peace! This sounds bliss. I think we spend so much time looking after everyone else we dream of only having to please ourselves.

You are not alone. I’ve planned my bedroom decor and mentally dumped some furniture that DH loves. Added some pictures in my head and bright tropical curtains. My house plan is almost ready.

I'm really looking forward to no mud being traipsed in and my kitchen being tidy all the time.

I am sort of there. But, after living away, both my DC are back home right now. (Thanks covid and DDs asshole ex!). I have my 2 cats, I have my choice of decor. I eat what I want when I want (DCs sort their own food, washing etc, I wouldn’t do it for them!). Honestly it is nice. So much so that I am not looking for another relationship.

I thought I was a “carer” and that looking after other people made me happy. I suppose it did at the time. But I am 100% enjoying being more selfish and just taking care of me. I also now do take care of myself a lot more. My needs/wants often came last and now they come first.

Yes I do this! It would be lovely and much like you I would have my paints and sewing things out all the time. Would revamp furniture and no one would be complaining there’s a chest of drawers with wet paint in the middle of the kitchen.

Although I can’t help but imagine the other scenario - I die first and DH is alone. He would have cats but be far less content with just his own company! He’s so antisocial too I would worry he would become a hermit!

Mine is in France. Within easy reach of the sea for the summer and the mountains for the winter. I have a couple of greyhounds and we walk on the beach every day in the summer. In my head, DH is still here and we have a little antique shop that we open at odd hours and basically just serves as somewhere for DH to collect and store antiques.
(This is essentially my exact plan for retirement and I am continuing to bug DH to retire at 55 - we're 39 this year).