anyone secretly imagining what it would be like when...

[steppemum]

... the kids are all grown up, dh is dead and you just have you, the cat and a little cottage?

I love them all dearly. No, really, I do.

But right now, I keep imagining what it would be like to be retired and in a little cottage with just me and the cat. Well OK, maybe 3 cats.
Few chickens free ranging, with no kids to moan about the poo.
Could be as clean or an untidy as I like. (and let's face it, it will be massively untidy. Until I decie it won't be and then when I clean it up, it will stay clean as long as I want it to)

Watch TV all day if I like, or, here's a thing not providing food 3 times a day, but only eating when I am hungry!
Eat in front of the TV, be really antisocial and not answer the phone to anyone.
No need to be sensible, or give a good role model.
Spread my painting stuff all over a new massive craft table, and not have to clear it up. Or show it to anyone.
Sew if I want to.
Or not. The pile of unfinished projects is between me and the wall and no-one else.
Buy junk furniture and do it up in the middle of the living room.

Just. Me.

Anyone else?

Yes!! I often say to my cats that one day it will just be us. I look forward to being tidy and not having mountains of laundry and washing up to do all day. I can take naps in the afternoon and sleep in when I like.

Yes!

There’s a tiny cottage on the beach near here that I absolutely love and daydream about living there alone whenever I walk past it with the dog.

DH and the kids hate it - quite remote, horrible in stormy weather, shite WiFi - all the reasons that I love it.

I would have a dog, and chickens and decorate exactly how I want without having to take into account DH’s liking for shit brown.

I could watch Say Yes To The Dress or Midsummer Murders as often as I like without anyone moaning that I’m watching that shit again

I could also have knitting and sewing projects everywhere and not have to lie about how much my fabric addiction costs

I’d eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted without having to listen to “oh, not shepherds pie again, or “I don’t like peas”

I sometimes wonder whether it would be wrong to have a list on my phone of household changes I would make within seconds of DH dying.

And another list of things to ask potential future boyfriends/husbands on the first date as i never found them out about DH until far too late in the relationship to back out.
I love him dearly but have seen an awful lot of him in the past 12 months. More relaxed about the DC at the moment as we only have 8 more days of homeschooling to survive. Who knows when DH will go back to the office. I have re-started my not-so-subtle hints that when he can go back to the office, if it's on a part time basis, one of the days should be my day off. I am saying that this is because I can do the school run, after school clubs etc on that day which is partly true but it is mainly because I just want to go back to having the chance of a peaceful day at home one day a week.

Oh god yes.
In my head I have a tiny flat in the centre of a vibrant city. It's tiny and that's fine cos I don't hoard crap and I keep it perfectly tidy.
I don't even have animals in it because I'm flitting off to travel at a moment's notice.
I have a dashingly handsome partner, that I don't live with, who buggers off Monday-Friday.
Bliss.

I'm 50 and single with 2 grown and flown DC. Substitute your painting for sewing and cottage for a lovely apartment, and you've described my life now. I do work but I love my job so it doesn't ever feel like work.

Would I compromise any of my life to live with another man again - not on your nelly!

I love this post, my dh is a hoarder and I have often wondered if it would be bad taste to have a skip delivered before he is dispatched.
Although knowing my dh he will still be here when I have gone to a minimalist heaven.

My cottage will be tiny with off white walls and fabulous modern artwork and old Persian rugs and I will be able to have coir carpets again and white sofas as I won't spill stuff. I'll have a black lab and 2 cats and won't ever have to cook for 5 nearly adult males all day every day ever again. And I will drink wine with no disapproving looks and watch reality tv and sleep in a big bed on my own with no snoring.

I'm old and I've got (almost) what you are all craving.

It can get lonely but you have all just reminded why I like it this way and don't ever want to live with anyone again. Occasional visitors are nice though - which has made this year a very long one as all family live a long way away.

You have all made me really appreciate it all anew. Thank you

I don't have pets because, in normal times, I like to go away too much

Oh my god. I do this. I’m somewhere north. Maybe Finland, but realistically Scotland. Yes the cottage is remote. Yes to telly, books, dogs, cats and chickens. I would also take in any strays and make that known in the area.
I would get really good at cooking indian food and cakes. I would have high tea every day. I would watch loads and loads of crap telly.
All the animals would sleep in my bed and I would be so warm I wouldn’t need an electric blanket.
I would have a herb garden and vegetable patch, and grow roses and peonies. Probably have a greenhouse too. Or better a proper conservatory.
The weather would be drizzly, stormy and grey, so I would always have the fire on.

Perhpas I should say that I didn't feel this way before lockdown. I actually love being in a relationship, dh is great.
Dh and I both work from home anyway, and we get along well. He has good taste and most of his crap is in his study or the garage.

BUT, sometimes my work took me away for a day or two and sometimes his work took him away. I loved both being away occasionally and also him being away occasionally. I was fine when dc left the house in the morning and came home in the afternoon, with glorious hours of quiet in between.
I even loved it when they were all home in the holidays, we didn't need to get up early, and I enjoyed being with them, as I wasn't home schooling, and I also wasn't seeing them 24/7.

It is the 24/7 that is killing me. I am counting down the days to March 8th.
I am clearing the decks so I have no/very little work to do on March 8th. I might lie on the sofa eating chocolate all day.
Or I might take the dog on a long walk, and come home to an empty house (dh will be squirreled away in his study).

But I still want that cottage.
I'm working on dh to get a camper van when dd2 leaves home, so we can go away for the weekend, with the dog and go to the beach/mountains etc.

Have to say I’ve had this dream/fantasy for years

I am going to live in a croft in the outer hebrides.

One that has a good pub and decent wifi nearby.

I’ve only got as far as the kids being gone so I can sleep in another bed when DH starts snoring.

But tonight I might start designing my lovely cottage and it’s garden...good idea OP!

I don't have pets because, in normal times, I like to go away too much

Same for me but I have an excellent pet sitter if the adult DC aren’t available (they’re happy to do it if they are). I resisted getting pets for the reason you state but I’ve been so glad to have them in lockdown (I did get them before that). But then I do have 2 cats so they can keep each other company to a degree, I don’t know how well it would work if I had a dog. So I wouldn’t get one.

I am also planning this although it is 20+ years away and I am actually very fond of DH and don't want him to die! I'll stay in the house I have, but ban all unnecessary technology. Nothing with a winking LED will be allowed, nor will ticking clocks. Several (at least 3) cats, sleeping on all the chairs, sofas and beds. Be allowed control of the TV remote and radio. No more cooking shows on TV, or 'three men partially rebuild an old car' shows either. I'll have a garden filled with a riot of colour that clashes. Paint all the walls different colours, and have loads of throws and cushions in lovely sumptuous jewel colours and textures, and they won't get thrown on the floor or made into forts.
And my bedroom will be pretty and white and have crisp white sheets and the duvet will stay tucked in at the foot of the bed. And I won't have to wash bristles out of the bath.

@AlohaMolly

Oh oh me me me!! I’m 33, DP is 40 basically and DS is 4. I love my son without question but DP and I joked about buying the house next door and putting a door through and I felt such a sense of peace This was DPs house before I moved in and he —his mother— has very strong decor preferences.

I would paint all the walls, not a white one to be seen. I would have a fabric sofa with beautiful cushions, maybe some velvet. My bedroom would be dark blue with an iron bed frame and I would have beautiful, feminine bedding that I would lovingly change weekly. I would have a crisp white set that would stay white and not get that dirty yellow colour where DP sleeps.

I would have lovely lovely food and never have to watch violent men films in the dark yellows and camo colours that DP loves. I would never have to listen to FUCKING SEA SHANTIES.

I would have a cat. She would be allowed on the bed.

I thought it was just my DH that caused a dirty yellow mark!! It’s so gross 🤮 He’s ruined my favourite set of bedding 😆 Must be a man thing.

My cottage is in a lovely seaside village and I live there through the winter months and take long walks on the beach in all sorts of weather.

In the summer I rent it out to tourists and travel. Sometimes I’m a tour guide in some fascinating place and get to drone on endlessly about it. Sometimes I trundle through France in my VW camper. Sometimes I spend the summer sailing.

I have a big golden Labrador that is sometimes an Irish wolfhound, who only exists in the winter. And two cats. The cats sleep on the bed. There are roses around the front door. And when I paint the walls no one criticises and points out the drips.

I remember being in hospital for a minor op a couple of years ago and as I was asleep in my room still woozy from the anaesthetic I remember 2 nurses chatting about me and one saying “oh, let’s leave her overnight - she’s got four kids at home”- the feeling of utter peace and relief that washed over me was euphoric!

I'd have a Victorian terraced house in the centre of a nice town/village. I'd have a cat or two, and a tiny living room and kitchen. My garden would be full of clashing coloured flowers and fruit trees. There would be no car or garage, but an outdoor summerhouse that DC could stay in when they visit.

I'd have my taste of artwork on the wall, the walls will be pale green or blue, and there'd be no tiny prints of Ayton Senna or Michael Schumacher in their cars winning this or that. On my TV there will be a selection of comedy and history programs. My bookshelves will bulge. The house will be a constant 20 degrees, no bugger will moan that they are too hot and I will wear teddy bear fleece whenever I please.

I shall travel about occasionally visiting historic sites and garden shows with my friends on coach trips with wine in our travel mugs, and my neighbours will mind the cats.

@BigPaperBag I’ve lived with two men and they both make The Yellow. I don’t get it, but I truly hate it. I lived on my own and had a double bed to myself for just over a year at 27 and the thing I remember most fondly was clean bedding.

Oh this is a nice day dream. If I could live alone one day, I'd have a little cottage in nearby village with a south facing garden full of flowers.

I'd have a telly in the bedroom and watch tv in bed (never had this before) and I'd walk to the village and get books from the library and read them at the coffee shop.

I'd get up and out of the house first thing in the morning instead of waiting for everyone else to surface and get ready.

I'd travel around the UK and aim to visit all the National Trust sites. I'd read all the information plaques without feeling guilty for boring the kids.

Love this thread and reading about everyone's lovely houses!

My personal secret wish is to be married 3 or 4 days a week, and on my own for the rest of the week.
My dear SIL has the ideal - she divorced about 25 years old, and has been in a long term relationship ever since with a great bloke. They decided to both keep their own homes but spend a lot of time together -everyone sees them as partners. He does the garden and other household chores for, they go out everywhere together, and are with each other for big family occasions. But both have their own space apart. I’m green with envy.

I love my DH very much, but since his parents died and he took early retirement I’d just like some nights on my own!

In my fantasy house (well, either the cottage or the ground floor flat or the camper van - any will do)
There is always a garden full of flowers, and bird feeders full of birds. There are always luscious veg in the garden, but none of this ever needs watering, and the veg/fruit is always ready at the right time, not while I am away and not while I am on holiday. It also required very little upkeep, and there is no bind weed or ground elder.

But roses, that flower all summer long, and cornflowers that smell as strongly as they did when I was a kid and loads of lush strawberries and raspberries to pick.

Winter moments are fine too, when the wind is strong on the beach and the waves crashing in, or the sun shining in the frost. Very little rain, unless it is while I am snug by the fire.