I just can’t lose weight...

[AlohaMolly]

...and it’s really getting me down.

I’m not a stupid woman, I understand what to eat and I need to move more etc, I just can’t do it. I’m 33 and literally over double the weight I was at 16. I weigh a stone and a half more than when DS, 4.5, was born at 42 weeks.

Do you mean you’re finding it hard to stick to eating the right things and moving more?
What are you doing that’s stopping you?

I don’t even know anymore!

I think I’m just lazy, greedy and just shit in general.

I’ve had scans for unrelated things, but my friend was the radiographer and she scanned the rest of my organs and they’re all healthy which is great, but I know being fat isn’t the healthiest option.

I try and walk 2-3 miles a day 4/5 days a week with DS atm and we live in snowdonia so I choose routes that have sharp up hills. I’m clocking up 3-400 active minutes a week according to my garmin.

It must be my eating but it just all feels so hard.

What's stopping you?

You ate active! What are you eating OP? I mean a general day? Is there a lot of snacks or do you drink alcohol as that is high in sugar. But we'll done. It's not easy to even consider it sometimes! I'm trying to lose weight too. I've started 5 kilos but the last few I can't seem to shift

are active *

I think I’m just lazy, greedy and just shit in general.

If you want to lose weight you need to do it in the mind frame of being kind and good to yourself - so this kind of thinking will be a huge barrier! Losing weight isn’t rarely plain sailing - you might slip up then and there but you need to let yourself off for it and carry on. I know a lot of people who after giving in to a bar of chocolate on a diet think ‘I’ve failed and I might as well not bother anymore from here...’ and it’s not true.
It sounds like you’re doing a decent amount of movement, although maybe not enough to substantially aid weight loss.
What eating habits do you think are holding you back?

What are you eating? Great that you’re active but it’s like 75% diet and 25% exercise.

Are you stressed out about anything. When I finally left my nar ex-h, I lost four stones in four months, no change in eating habits, no extra activity. It was the high levels of cortisol causing me to pile on weight.

You are not the only one by a very long way. At this time of year and in the current situation, trying to find any kind of motivation is extremely difficult!! Eating more healthily, exercising outside, it’s all sooo much easier in the spring and summer. Don’t give yourself a hard time. Are you able to identify a couple of specific reasons that are making it so difficult? My suggestion would be to start with just one thing which is achievable. For example, have your evening meal as early as possible and then nothing until breakfast - overnight is your key fat-burning opportunity and you need to make it as long as possible. It does not take long to get in the habit of eating nothing after dinner. I now find it so relaxing not having to even think about food after 6 or 7pm. And I sleep better. Or find any other small change that works for you that you can build on in a few weeks?

As they say, you can’t outrun a bad diet or your fork.

What do you eat normally over the course of a week.

What have you tried in terms of eating and why didn't it work? Was it because you couldn't stick to it or did you stick to the plan but still not lose weight?

Can you do more exercise?

I keep to a size 8 by walking over 10km every day since having my son three months ago, despite eating like a small hog.

Eating like a small hog

So many different issues all intertwined.

I had very ‘disordered eating’ as a teen and would starve myself and then binge and purge, but I was a high achieving academic and very fit so, even when I plucked up the courage to tell my mum, no one noticed or cared. I am tall, 5’ 8 and at the time was an hour glass but very thin at 8 stone so just seen as being attractive.

I was attacked by a taxi driver at 17 and I think it threw me into a tail spin and just piled the weight on.

I have terrible body image and can’t trust what I see in the mirror and also had an abusive partner from 19-27 when I finally left. I then lost weight living by myself and eating well but fell pregnant before I was separated from him for a year

I generally eat well before mid afternoon - breakfast is either porridge and fruit or eggs of some sort on toast. Today for example was poached eggs and avocado on toast. I understand that avocado is fat but I’m happy eating it as it is ‘good’ fat.

Lunch is often something like a cheaty chowmein with noodles and soy sauce, onion, cabbage, peppers, sometimes prawns, or soup and toast or a mix of salad veg and cheese on a plate.

I find dinners difficult as, although I am the sole cook in our house, budget is tight and DP is really fussy. He’s got health issues and allergies and when we met he ate well, but as he’s got older and had more reactions he’s nervous about food. He’s allergic (as in anaphylaxis and epi pens allergic) to peas, chickpeas, lentils. DS is gluten intolerant. DP basically wants meat and potatoes every day, or egg and chips and won’t eat much else. I’m not a massive fan of meat and my body just doesn’t appreciate or function well with that kind of diet but often, due to cost and ease, I’ll just eat it.

Mid afternoon is terrible for me and that’s when I’ll hit biscuits, chocolate etc.

I don’t drink (not really, maybe a gin and tonic a month) or smoke. I used to binge on sweet stuff when k was younger but I honestly don’t feel I’m anywhere near those levels now.

I’m often dehydrated. I find drinking difficult. I don’t know why, maybe control? The less I drink, the harder I find it, like I feel my throat closing up. I hover on the edge of dwhydrationmost days and yesterday I didn’t drink at all and was so annoyed with myself because I felt terrible when I got home from work.

I think because I feel like I’m eating ok and have been doing more uphill walking than we have done before, I feel like I should be losing weight, but I’m just not.

I think a lot of it comes down to what I think I deserve as well. I know I feel better when I move more and don’t eat shite but I often don’t think I deserve to feel good. Terrible self esteem...

@Pinkblueberry

I think I’m just lazy, greedy and just shit in general.

If you want to lose weight you need to do it in the mind frame of being kind and good to yourself - so this kind of thinking will be a huge barrier! Losing weight isn’t rarely plain sailing - you might slip up then and there but you need to let yourself off for it and carry on. I know a lot of people who after giving in to a bar of chocolate on a diet think ‘I’ve failed and I might as well not bother anymore from here...’ and it’s not true.
It sounds like you’re doing a decent amount of movement, although maybe not enough to substantially aid weight loss.
What eating habits do you think are holding you back?

Seconding this.

I would never advise a particular regime OP but i think Rangan Chatterjee’s recent book is a very sensible exploration of why people put on weight and how to put strategies in place to loose it.

Just read your update... the other thing I would say is you need to stop prioritising your partners health over you own! It might just be you need to eat different things 5 or 6 nights out of 7, and perhaps he needs to help with cooking.

I think you're going to find it really hard to take care of yourself while you feel so low. And your opinion of your body isn't going to help you feel better, so you're stuck in a cruel cycle. I think your fella needs to take charge of his own food, especially as he is understandably so fussy about what he eats. Then you can cook more interesting and healthy things for yourself. Once you start lose a little weight hopefully your motivation will kick in. Good luck, it's bloody hard losing weight.

You are active which is half the battle OP!

My advice would be to use an app to track your food, it will really make you accountable for what you are eating and probably shock you with how many calories are in a couple of biscuits here and there. Work out how many calories your body needs a day and try to stick to it.

My worse time of day is 9pm when I sit down with a cup of tea, I can easily devour a pack of biscuits. I try to stop eating now after tea and it has helped massively, I also drink a lot of water in a day now.

Small steps op. You don’t need to overhaul your evening meals/snacking in one fell swoop, just make little changes here and there. Allow them to become habits.
So, tackle snacks first. Find snacks that are healthier but hit your cravings. I love a crumpet with nutella, massive carb hit when I need it. Or low fat rice pudding with Nutella (theme there 😁)
Lower carb (I’m not a fan of low carb diets, I don’t think demonising food groups is ever useful), low fat houmous dip, with lots of fresh veg, or low fat cottage cheese.
Mix it up a little with high fibre crackers and low fat Philadelphia.
There are lots of filling snack choices that hit your cravings, but are healthier choices.

Once you have that down, consider your meals. Could you change the potatoes to brown rice, meat to chicken breast. Fill your portion out with legumes and beans - I love kidney beans and chickpeas. Very filling and good for you.
Little tweaks, one at a time. See what you like, what you can actually eat. These are lifelong changes not quick fixes, doesn’t matter if it takes a few weeks to get used to it.

Ok, a massive hog!

Sounds like you have good ideas for food but need to stop viewing it as good or bad. Drink more water as you will feel much better regardless of your diet. Do you enjoy vegetables? Big plates of gorgeous seasonable, well seasoned veg?

I love veg, much prefer vegetarian food but DP won’t eat it. My perfect meal is like tapas/picky food - wraps, guacamole, tomato salsa, greek food, stuffed vine leaves or even just roasted veg and salmon. Oh DP also won’t eat fish anymore.

Thank you to a PP who recommended a book, I shall have a look at that!

What does ‘meat and potatoes’ include? Obviously if that means burger and chips every night that’s not great but otherwise that can still include a lot of healthy options - chicken, fish, potatoes - boiled, skin on wedges, baked, you can include lots of different vegetables, rice is also gluten free. Obviously you need to take allergies into account but you don’t need to cater to someone’s fussiness - a grown adult should be able to eat beyond egg and chips. If he can’t then as a pp said he needs to start sorting out his own food so you can prioritise your own health.

@AlohaMolly

I love veg, much prefer vegetarian food but DP won’t eat it. My perfect meal is like tapas/picky food - wraps, guacamole, tomato salsa, greek food, stuffed vine leaves or even just roasted veg and salmon. Oh DP also won’t eat fish anymore.

Thank you to a PP who recommended a book, I shall have a look at that!

The problem with picky food is you often eat more than you realise/intend.

Maybe a good move would be, once DS is back at school in two weeks, spending a day batch cooking stuff DP will eat like chilli and bolognese and mash, then I can just whip his out of the freezer in the evening while I’m making my meal. At least then it won’t feel like I’m cooking two different meals at once every night!