I just can’t lose weight...

[AlohaMolly]

...and it’s really getting me down.

I’m not a stupid woman, I understand what to eat and I need to move more etc, I just can’t do it. I’m 33 and literally over double the weight I was at 16. I weigh a stone and a half more than when DS, 4.5, was born at 42 weeks.

Cook for yourself. Your dh can either eat it or sort himself out.

Definitely make yourself drink water. If you’re thirsty your body can be confused and think you’re hungry.

Then cook what you will enjoy eating. Tonight I've had a huge plate of pan fried kale with garlic, roast sprouts, fennel, carrots and beetroot with a marinated chicken breast and one jacket potato. More than I should eat but so good and I'll walk it off tomorrow.

Sorry you’re in this position OP but all these posters telling you how active you are is pretty ridiculous. A 2-3 mile walk 4-5 times a week is in no way active.

Agree on upping exercise - HIIT and weights, concentrate on protein and dropping carbs on non-exercise days

Sorry to hear you are struggling.

If you feel you are trying to manage your emotions with your relationship with food, or prioritising other people’s needs rather than your own for the sake of harmony, you’re heading into disordered eating territory. Given your history. That’s dangerous ground for you.

So maybe seek emotional support and help first. Too much detail about diet/eating plans etc could be damaging for you, it’s maybe more about finding a balance.

Some info about 'eat less, move more' Well worth 40 minutes of anybody's time, if they're stuck with weight loss:

No, you're not particularly active but it all helps. Are you logging what you eat into MFP or a similar app?

Honestly, just control your portion size and cut out the chocolate and biscuits.

I eat low carb, I do much of the cooking right now as my daughter is home during lock down. I tend to have what they are having but with a salad on the side, or cauli rice, or more veg. You don’t need to cook two seperate meals. For example you can habe roasted veg with a small portion of chilli or bologanise, whilst he has rice/pasta with his. Salmon is so easy to do, you just shove it in the oven.

I’m not kidding myself that I fall into the active category but it’s mostly what I’ve felt capable of doing whilst DS is at home.

September- December last year I was going online ballet workouts because I need to work on my core and I enjoyed those!

I definitely am conscious of slipping into an unhealthy relationship with food (or a more unhealthy one?) in 2019 DP and I went through an extreme rocky patch and I responded by starving, binging and purging again as it was literally the only thing I could control —still didn’t lose bastard weight.—

I understand food and the need for all food groups and balance, I enjoy good food and by that, I mean healthy varied food. I just can’t get myself to a point where I’m doing exercise that I enjoy, eating well and doing it because I deserve to, does that make sense?

I feel for you OP, I went through the exact same thing, felt like I was constantly on a diet, couldn’t stick to it for more than a few days before hitting booze / junk food so never saw results and then just went round and round.
I finally came to the realisation in 2018 that I would have to go through the discomfort of telling myself No and sticking to a proper plan. I completed Joe Wicks 90 Day plan and lost 2 stone. It requires food prepping but it bloody works. The key thing is consistency, the first month of any plan you won’t see miracle results but stay consistent and it will happen. Xxxx

I just can’t get myself to a point where I’m doing exercise that I enjoy, eating well and doing it because I deserve to, does that make sense

Yes. Make it easy on yourself, and cut out the addictive food. Replace it with more carbs and fat. A high carb diet affects your mood and energy levels, not just your weight.

I often don’t think I deserve to feel good. Terrible self esteem...

I suspect that is a very astute observation, OP.
I suspect If you let your weight be what it is but work on your self-esteem you might reap quite a few rewards.

I meant replace it with more protein and fat. Whopper mistake, sorry.

I mean healthy varied food. I just can’t get myself to a point where I’m doing exercise that I enjoy, eating well and doing it because I deserve to, does that make sense

I’m not sure about this. I try to eat healthy and exercise, I don’t do it because I feel I deserve it. I do it because quite frankly I don’t want to be fat. I’ve been there, I don’t want to go back. So for me, if I don’t exercise, and I eat chocolate and biscuits, the simple outcome of that is i get fat
I know because I’ve done it before.

So it’s nothing about “I deserve it” or my self esteem. It’s simoly I don’t want to put on too much weight again and get unhealthy.

If you’re thinking you can only do it “if you deserve it” I doubt you’ll ever get there, that’s not how most people who lose weight do it. They simply think I don’t want to be fat any more.

Don't have biscuits or chocolate in the house. This will be better for the rest of your family as well.
I would recommend low carb because the fast initial weight loss would help improve your confidence.

If you can't do low carb, just try leaving out the carbs at breakfast, so just have e.g. eggs and avocado without toast. This will reduce the insulin response and you won't feel hungry as quickly. If you aren't hungry in the morning just don't have breakfast, or have breakfast later.

Ok.

So.

I do well with a schedule and routine. I was a teacher before I had DS and I love a good timetable and it’s how we’ve survived home schooling - with a schedule and routine.

I meal plan anyway, so I’ll just do it to include myself and what I think I want to eat as well. I try and do a monthly overview so I can stick to budget, so it should be easy enough.

I’ll spend some time on Sunday nights (when I’ve been doing the weekly homeschool plan) inputting my daily meals into MyFitnessPal as then I can see my calorie intake and have a structure.

Once DS is back at school on 24th, I should be able to increase my exercise again as daily school run (walking) and then walk the longer way home/take a long walk. I can schedule half an hours exercise too once I’m home. A ballet class or one of the YouTube popsugar dance routine workout things.

Please watch the video I posted above before you make any changes. You're highly likely to continue to struggle, on the path you're on.

Thank you Eckhart, I definitely will! Just on the bedtime rollercoaster at the moment so will watch it after - it’s very kind of you to link it!

I'm so the same. I have always been overweight really. Then when I moved into my house I was so poor I couldn't afford to eat much and basically starved myself skinny in a couple of years. But it was horrible I was tired all the time and grumpy. But I had no choice it was rent or food. And because I was starving it didn't matter what I ate because there was never enough to make up for what I was losing. Then when money sorted itself out and I could eat more I did and got fat again! Then when I was getting married I panicked and starved myself skinny again, started smoking to suppress my appetite and managed to get to an 8. Tried to maintain it healthily after that, which I did. Until I got pregnant and knew my weight wasn't the issue, my baby was. He's 2 now and since he's been born I've gained about 3 stone and am a walking ball of cellulite but it's like I have no real need to lose weight so instead I moan about it but keep drinking sugary drinks and eating poorly without unnecessary exercise. Unless you have a reason to do something it's so hard to change your mindset

You are not lazy, greedy etc. It is the carbs that make you just go round and round in a vicious cycle trying to lose weight. I know you may baulk at the suggestion of cutting the carbs, I did as well (for years) but finally got so fed up with my massive waist line and went cold turkey.

If you have the energy and headspace, read Obesity Code by Dr Jason Fung or even easier, watch Fat Fiction on Amazon Prime (or maybe it was Netflix, can't remember now). Ditch the porridge, toast, pasta and potatoes and snacks. I know it's more difficult if you don't have a supportive partner but try, it will bring you amazing result. Walking alone won't touch the weight, weight loss is 90% diet and 10% exercise.

If you are not ready to cut down on carbs, try some intermitted fasting at least. You can still eat all your familiar foods but just delay them a little.

@Peachy92

It's almost impossible to change your mindset for any length of time over the power carbs have on our system. It's not that you are weak, it's that we are driven by evolution to gain fat, and carbs are the best way to do this. So if we keep telling our bodies that there's lots of carbs available, they just say 'Oh, cool! We can just live on this stuff, then, and store loads of fat! Yay!'

Our bodies want to store fat. It's what's got us through hard times over hundreds of thousands of years.

If you start giving your body the signal that there isn't much carb supply, it'll complain for a week and then say 'Oh, sod it. We're going to have to start using up this nice fat we've been saving up.' You'll stop having food cravings when this happens, because your body is already carrying plenty to live off, and will have reminded itself how to.

So, you only have to grit your teeth and suffer for a short while whilst your body makes the change, and then it's really not too hard at all. There's no long term 'low-calorie mindset' you have to attain. You can eat all you want. Because nobody wants to over eat fat.

Intermittent fasting works for me - basically no breakfast, a healthy lunch and family dinner. I thought I'd never cope without breakfast to begin with but I've got used to it now and don't miss it at all. I think carbs first thing in the morning didn't do me any favours and meant I got that insulin spike followed by the crash, which set off my appetite. Now I've ditched breakfast and eat mostly veg for lunch ( big pile of roasted veg and sweet potato with pesto, a few sunflower seeds and chunks of feta, yum) my appetite is much reduced and I rarely feel ravenous like I used to.

The other thing that helps me is to eat the same evening meal as the rest of the family, but in different proportions. I can't be doing with cooking something completely different, so DH might have, say, 3 sausages, a jacket potato and veg ( he has a physical outdoor job whereas I sit behind a desk) and I'll have one sausage, no potato and a huge pile of veg. Similar meal but v different calorie content.

Good luck.

I’ve just realised as well that I’m on my first period in 65 days, which could account for my low mood!!

OP, do you actually know how many calories you’re consuming? It doesn’t matter how much good stuff you eat if your calories are excessive!

Eggs and avocado on toast for example could be anywhere from 250 calories for one slice of wholemeal toast, no butter, half a medium avocado and a small egg... through to 750 calories for two pieces of buttered white toast, a large avocado and two eggs.

I’m 5 8 and I couldn’t eat three cooked meals plus biscuits a day and even maintain my weight and I’m quite active! I need to eat 1,500 or less calories a day to lose weight.

You’re either over eating, or under eating and then binging to make up for it, but either way it doesn’t work for weight loss.

That’s the physical side. But the psychological side is much harder.

@Dauphinois

Have you heard of ghrelin? It's the hunger hormone. It gets released at the time of day we normally get food. In terms of evolution, let's say the hunters usually brought the kill back at... ooh, lunchtime-ish? Then that's when the tribe would start getting the hungry feeling. It's an evolutionary advantage because if you regularly said 'No thanks, I'm not really very hungry' when the roast mammoth was ready, you'd die of starvation after a bit. It makes your sense of smell stronger too, so the roast mammoth smells really good.

But that's why you don't miss your breakfast. Ghrelin release can be trained in a matter of days. Didn't have breakfast 4 days in a row? Probably won't particularly want it tomorrow.

Last year, MyFitnessPal gave me a limit of 1750 calories for a 1lb a week weightloss. When I was trying, I could easily eat under that.

From around July last year I stopped calorie counting and struggled with motivation etc and piled weight on again and am now heavier than I have ever been. I’m back to trying to manage what I eat and am aware that I’m not eating too dissimilar to what I was when I was calorie counting, but it feels like such a monumental thing to do now. I don’t know why.