It is a Mumsnet truth universally acknowledged.....

[NotJackieWeaver]

I’ll start.

It is a Mumsnet truth universally acknowledged that when a mumsnetter finds a certain situation absurd that another Mumsnetter has not found absurd the second Mumsnetter must feel personally judged and take offence.

That we have lost sight of what a normal weight looks like

That if you just eat less move more then you will be stick thin

That unlimited access to the fruit bowl is enough to stop children wanting snacks

That fruit is on a par with a Mars bar in terms of a snack

That spending more that 20 quid on your child at Christmas will not only spoil them for life but will destroy the planet.

@StCharlotte It is a Mumsnet truth universally acknowledged that if someone does something differently from someone else it must be "regional".

...or a class thing.

@FetchezLaVache You only wash your sheets twice weekly! That is vile!!

That every child or adult discussed is somehow "on the spectrum".

That real life problems have simple solutions.

Can't afford the rent? Move to a less expensive area. Simples.

Never mind that your job is in the expensive area and its not a good time to be looking for work. Your dc's are in exam years in the expensive area. You have a dog or cat which restricts availability of choice. There's a housing crisis. You have no money for moving costs because the high rent eats all your income.

Just move.

Voila!!!!

Certain popular mumsnetters will say something bitchy and blunt and then about 10 other mumsnetters will quote them and say 'this!' Even though its the shittest advice ever.
Reminds me of school when the hangers on would surround the popular girl and just agree with everything she says

..... solicitors give 30 minutes of free advice

.... your salad is always massive

.... every cottage pie has hidden veggies

Allowing children free access to the fruit bowl is terrible as fruit is sugar bombs, you must give them protein and also, "no one snacked in my day"

You must get a rescue dog, except not because you have no idea of the history, so get a pedigree puppy, but not incase its a backyard breeder m, so kennel club one with a wait list of 15 years, but no, because they are still not ethical.
Find the most ethical one ever, nope, because you might have to leave it on its own for five minutes a week.

...that everyone can afford private school fees if they just made a few sacrifices

...that any adult looking forward to or being excited by or deriving any pleasure from their birthday is childish, immature, selfish and grabby.

...this rule does NOT apply to mothering Sunday.

... it may or may not apply to father's day

If you don't ask an adult child living at home to pay rent, you are a pushover.

If you do ask an adult child living at home to pay rent, you shouldn't have had children.

If your DH eats two slices of cake when you've told him specifically that he's only allowed one, then it's time to ring the Police.

If you eat two slices of cake and DH makes any comment at all, he's controlling.

That the correct names for body parts and use of sex/gender are vital and poster should be corrected, even if meaning is clear and terms are not vaguely relevant to the question in the post.

...that if your mother has an opinion on something that differs from yours, then she's definitely a narcissist and you should go NC immediately

Vulva always vulva.

These are hilarious

... that one medium chicken (free range corn fed) will feed a family of 4 for AT LEAST a week

...that whereas it is acceptable to adversely judge and criticise the behaviour of our parents, or parents-in-law, with ruthless scrutiny, and little acceptance of the fact that in general they are normal human beings with normal human failings, our own parenting skills are beyond reproach. There seems to be little awareness that one day we may be subject to similar scrutiny and, in some cases, found wanting.

That if you don’t have a problem with your DH having female friends then you are a “ cool wife” which we all know to be a grave insult.

@HugeAckmansWife

That you're breaking Covid rules anyway, no matter how irrelevant to the question asked.

This 🤣🤣🤣🤣

"I was going about my business the other day when...... "

All the replies will be asking why you out, why aren't you staying the fuck at home, we are meant to be staying at home, well now you've put nhs at extra risk blah blah blah.

It is universally accepted on MN that if you're a cyclist - you must be in the wrong.

That when a poster asks for recipe inspiration but requests "no mushrooms" or "no tomatoes" or whatever, at least six of the replies will feature the unwanted item as the star ingredient.

If you live with a partner you aren’t married to they are nothing more than a flatmate and should be treated as such.

Everyone has a utility/playroom/conservatory/spareroom

If you go to work you dump your child with strangers and clearly don’t care about their welfare. If you’re a stay at home mum you’re a snob who judges other women and you’re 100% going to be alone and penniless at 50. Dads of course can do whatever.

Using a dishwasher to clean things is disgusting.

You must never have a big wedding, if you aren’t the most important guests at a friend/relatives big wedding you must take extreme offense and express this by refusing to attend.

That if you have neighbours who play thrash metal at full volume 24 hours a day while drilling holes in your party wall and screaming at each other, then you need either to soundproof your house, or move to a remote, unpopulated island because clearly you can't tolerate 'normal family noise'

No one has ever long ago tried a spliff/ drug at uni, and then gone on to lead anything other than an anxiety ridden angst dominated depressed life.

that it is perfectly normal not to open your door if someone rings the bell.

All mumsnetter’s older husbands look 35.

It’s fine for these over fifty year old men to have babies because they are in excellent health, look 35 and will defy the ageing process.

No one has ever mistaken a 60 year old dad of a small child as the grandfather.