How do working parents manage childcare?

[MinnieAnonyMouse]

DH and I are planning to start TTC later this year and are currently discussing how we would manage everything.

One thing that I'm really unsure about is childcare. We both have responsible jobs and work quite long hours. DH leaves home at about 7.15am and returns about 7pm 4 days a week. Pre-covid, I left by 6.30am and didn't get home until generally after 7pm (sometimes 6.30pm if I was lucky, sometimes later) 5 days a week. I can probably swing wfh a day or 2 a week (post covid, currently all from home) in which case the hours are more like 8.30am - 5.30 or 6pm.

It just seems like on that timetable, we'd never see a baby outside of the weekend and the hours are so long! Surely other people have had this? How did you manage / what do you do? It can't be that everyone went part time??

Have you thought about a nanny?

Both DH and I work full time so we flexed our hours so I did drop off and DH did pick up. We continued doing the same when I returned to work after having DC2. It can be a hard juggling act at times but you do manage. Am looking forward to DC2 starting school in September, as school run will be easier without having to do separate nursery run as well.

allfur, stories like that definitely make me question motherhood haha!

I've had a long chat with DH. It looks like there is scope for him to do 5 days a week so he would do more like 9 - 5 which obviously would help as his commute is quite short. He has also said that actually he could do sick collections (I didn't think he could but I was wrong!) He also thinks there is scope for flexibility if he stayed on 4 days so if I was working away he could juggle collections etc.

I think we're also going to explore me working from home either full time or 3 / 4 days a week (I like it and am a lot less tired!!)

It definitely feels like we have more options than I realised so thank you! To the pp who mentioned about having more kids and staying full time for maternity pay, this is really good point and would probably be something we kept in mind.

You find childcare that meets your requirements. Lots of nurseries offer 7.15-6 around here. Full time nursery is typically £1000 roughly in the NW per month (I did lots of research on nurseries and that's an average). Childminders are cheaper.

You need to figure out if you (or DH) want or need to return to your current working pattern.

Personally we both wanted to work full time and chose nursery. We have moved our working hours so the kids aren't in nursery/ school/ wrap around care for 9 hours 5 days per week.

To be honest, childcare for under 5s is pretty easy. It's childcare once they get to school that's a PITA and was the main factor in our school choice.

If DS is poorly, we have to be there to get him in 30 minutes and I think that's pretty standard.

I've heard this said on here, but never known it in reality (4 nurseries and 2 schools). Which is good, as I work in a hospital as an ICU doctor and am not always available and DH works 1 hour away in non COVID times, we don't have any other school contacts listed.

@MinnieAnonyMouse I love it even with the vomit. You'll figure it out - all my mum friends work full time and we make it work.

allfur I'm particularly impressed by the vintage cashmere! I'm much more primark than vintage haha

In our case, DH works compressed hours and I work part time compressed hours so we only need three days of formal childcare per week. We also have long commutes. Pre-Covid, one of us did drop off and the other went in early, then the early bird did pick-up. I often didn’t get back for bedtime if I did drop-off.

Look at childminders, especially if you have a long commute and no family locally to act as back up if there’s a problem with getting back. Ours has been brilliant on the rare occasion that the trains are completely up the spout and it’s impossible to get back. A good childminder who is local to you is worth their weight in gold. If money were no object, I’d have a nanny but we don’t have that kind of salary!

For cost, look into tax free childcare.

Our arrangement works much better now we are both able to work from home at least some of the time. Everything is much less pressured. The commute, rather than working hours, was a real issue. And it costs a fortune. Do whatever you can to minimise the commute pre-kids!

I dropped to 2 days per week with my first baby which was nice as got to meet other mums. I had nursery for a while but later I had a childminder from 7:30 am til 5:30 those days, sometimes later due to travel/the job. The childminder would take to and from school & playgroup. With 2nd I did 4 days but nearer to home so finish earlier. Now wfh, I only do about one school run as husband does rest. I think full time is too much.

Look at nursery's near work, the hours you quote are including your commute. My children sometimes do a business day 7.30 - 6.00 which could be manageable if nursery is near work.

20 years ago had similar quandary- long london commute. In the end I had the opportunity to take voluntary redundancy to give me more time with DC then returned to work part time.
Things have moved on now and most employers will consider flexible working arrangements, what do yours and DH colleagues do if they have DC? Could one of you start work late and do drop off and the other start early leave early to do pick up? Or can you and DH WFH on alternate days? I think unless you can change those hours it will be hard to find a nursery or childminder so you might need to hire a nanny or ask grandparents if they can help . Realistically with those hours you wont get to see your DC much Mon- Fri , sadly you cant do/ have it all. However do make sure you split the childcare responsibility evenly, its hard to row back if one parent starts to do it all

We were in exactly the same situation as you. I ended up having to reduce my hours so part time over 5 days. Because otherwise I couldn't get to the office in time (nursery drop off was 7am earliest) and then had to leave the office at 3.30pm to guarantee getting to the nursery for the latest pick up time of 5.30pm.

It felt a real kick in the teeth to feel like I was doing full time hours but get paid so much less. But really had no choice. Some days DH could do pick up but no guarantee whereas my movements were more predictable.

It sucked but actually once my endear started school I realised that nursery is the easy bit. Once they are at school, mine go to after school club but then need picking up, feeding, homework etc. So I am actively thinking of reducing my hours further as there's no time of quality with the children during the week at all. I'm thinking of trying to finish at 1.30pm two days a week and then picking them up from school those days.

So I would say do plan, but try and keep some flexibility. Build a financial cushion to accommodate as much flexibility as possible.