How do working parents manage childcare?

[MinnieAnonyMouse]

DH and I are planning to start TTC later this year and are currently discussing how we would manage everything.

One thing that I'm really unsure about is childcare. We both have responsible jobs and work quite long hours. DH leaves home at about 7.15am and returns about 7pm 4 days a week. Pre-covid, I left by 6.30am and didn't get home until generally after 7pm (sometimes 6.30pm if I was lucky, sometimes later) 5 days a week. I can probably swing wfh a day or 2 a week (post covid, currently all from home) in which case the hours are more like 8.30am - 5.30 or 6pm.

It just seems like on that timetable, we'd never see a baby outside of the weekend and the hours are so long! Surely other people have had this? How did you manage / what do you do? It can't be that everyone went part time??

You seem to have very long commutes. Can that be changed at all? The couples I know who work full time with young children have small central London houses to maximise time at home.

We both compress our hours so we work 4.5 days in 4, which gives us each a day at home with the kids.

The nurseries around me are open 8am - 6pm.

Really I think you'll need to see what flexibility there is with your jobs so one does drop off and one pick up unless you want a childminder to provide wrap around care.

Personally I wouldn't have wanted to be away from my baby that long unless I didn't have a choice (Obviously I understand it's not always possible). It's very hard to know how you will feel. Some women are desperate to get back to work and some find it really hard.

I went part time & then gave up my career.

If you carry on with these hours then you won't see much of your child. Sad but true. However you may also struggle to find a childminder or nursery willing to take your child for such long hours. You may want to consider a nanny which at least would mean you don't have to rush before a nursery shuts.

Ideally you'd both change your hours to manage. If one started early & the other finished late you could muddle through.

Where do you live in the country? Round me full time nursery is £1800 per month!

Combination of nursery, wfh, part time and flexible working hours.
My DH reduced to 4 days a week, I changed my working pattern to 7-4 so DH drops off at nursery I pick up and also wfh 2 days a week (this is all pre covid as wfh for nearly a year now).
The good news is that a lot more employers are open to wfh and flexible working hours as well due to covid!

Thanks both. My commute is long (minimum 1.5 hours each way) - potential to reduce to about 1 hour but that's about as low as it will go. DH has a much shorter commute (20 mins) but works condensed hours so full time but only 4 days.

I'm definitely not crazy about the amount of time but will have to go back to work no questions asked. Moving isn't an option and the work I do means I have to work where I do - nothing closer to home

Well some people I knew put the kiddies into childcare for that long, or they had family that would help out for some of it. But yes if you're both working long hours then you will only see the baby at weekends and bedtime. You could try and negotiate working some days from home, although that is a challenge in itself. Or you could both drop down to 4 days a week and then you'd only need 4 days childcare. Or just go part time. My DH and I did the same job, so for much of the time we did a job share.

We swap off our long days (in normal times). I am out of the house 6am to 7/8pm 2-3 days a week and then the other days I work shorter days (it’s more tricky when they get to school as school day is 8:45-3 here (no breakfast club and no after school clubs). On my shorter days, I wfh and Dh works his long days. We also make up time in the evenings. It means one of us always around to do the school runs and is here from 3pm every day.

We have demanding careers but also a lot of flexibility. Dh is self employed and in my field flexible working is the norm even if you don’t have children. Obviously if you have family help (we don’t) that helps too. Realistically though it does mean you can’t both work long hours on the same days and you have to find a balance.

Live in Yorkshire - haven't even looked at nursery costs yet (figured we'd find out what we were looking at then work out how much!)

DH cannot change hours at all. I might have some flexibility. Ideal would be for me to go 4 days wfh then go into the office on the day DH is off - whether work would allow, I'm unsure. I also have some compulsory travel for work periodically with nights away.

This is like one of those horrible GCSE maths problem questions!

Honestly?

Reduced hours to 32 hours a week, one day WFH then after a year of commuting an hour each way, I got a new job five mins from home.

Your options are nurseries (but the hours might not work), childminders (check if they will work the hours you need, some will), a nanny, (expensive but flexible to your needs), family or friends (may not be an option), flexible working on either start or finish times, or reducing working hours (for both of you, not just you).

If I were you, assuming no family help available, I would look into one of you being able to start later with the other finishing earlier, reducing the number of days each of you work, reducing the number of hours each of you work, working from home more (NOT a childcare solution, it's impossible to do both) or a combo of these options.
It's a balance of time, money and options available to you and there is no 'perfect' solution unfortunately

Compressed hours (if you both do 4 day week then baby does just 3 days in nursery)

Shorter hours and catch up rest of work in the evening/at weekends?

But most people I knew went part time for a bit at least.

We used nursery then private school with wrap around care. In school hols I’m off work so they’re with me.

I used to fret about this too. COVID changed everything for us in that both of us spent months WFH full time, and have employers who are happy to facilitate home working going forward. So we will each work 3 days per week from home with one day of overlap, and the WFH parent will do pick ups / tea / bath etc.

I’m not sure how we would have managed otherwise as we used to be out of the house from 7:30am to 7:30pm at a minimum.

My advice would definitely not be to both work full time. Nursery is really expensive and then school wrap around care is nearly impossible to find. So many friends dud the early year slog only to have to retrain or new career once they started school. You will find a way that enables you to spend time with your child and earn some money. Think differently.

Our nursery is 8-6. It’s worth looking at the opening hours of your local ones.

DH compressed his hours to look after DS 1 day a week. I dropped down to 4 days so that I could also have him for 1 day. He’s in nursery 3 days a week- we both work long hours but we arrange it so that DH leaves for work early, I drop off DS at 8. Then I work later if I need to, and DH collects him at about 5:30.

Thanks all. Lots to discuss and think about! I'm definitely glad we're looking at it now and not after starting TTC

Our nursery is also 8-6 but there weren't many that offered such long hours. In non-Covid times, DH and I would both be out of the house from 7-7 at least. We've embraced the flexibility of WFH now and split pick ups and drop offs between us and then work either early morning or in the evening to make up the time. When we have to factor a commute in, it's going to be more tricky but lots of people have the same problem. I do only work 4 days a week so am home with DS on a Thursday which helps a bit but I do miss it during the day. It's worth it - to me - to take 5pm-7pm off to spend with him at the end of the day though and then working again in the evening but I appreciate that won't be the same or indeed possible for everyone.

When DS starts school, we’ll hopefully use breakfast club and after school club for a couple of days a week and keep our days ‘off’ so that we can walk him in and walk him home, and give him his dinner 2 days a week. If we don’t get a place in the after school club, DH will drop him off (his work’s only 10 minutes down the road and he has flexible working), and then I will ask work to spread my 30 hours out over 5 days- leaving early each day to collect him.

I have no clue what to do about school holidays tbh!

Nurseries around me start from 7:30 which helps. In my industry the people with DCs are more strict about their finish time but will generally log on later in the evening to finish things off.

When we had our 2 children my DH commuted 1.5hrs and worked 8-5. I dropped to 24hrs per week (3 days) and worked from home 2 of them. Nursery was open 8-6.

In all honesty I don't think those kinds and those hours will work for you, or that you'll want to do it when you have a little one. I'm not sure you'll find a childcare provider that does those long hours. If there's no give in the jobs then maybe try to find a nanny.

Moved closer to office (15 mins in can) , nanny, leaving earlier and working from home in evenings/weekends. On occasions even going back into office after baby. Managed it for 2 years .

I had an hour commute each way. Luckily, work had a nursery onsite so DD went there full time from 1yo until just before school started.

We'd get up at 6am, leave the house by 7, get to work/nursery drop off for 8. I'd then pick her up 4/4:30 and we'd be home by 5/5:30. It did cost about £800 per month (2011-2015). I enjoyed the car commute time with her as we'd talk or sing nursery rhymes etc.

Once she went to school, it was a mix of childminder before/after school (I drop off 7:45 and work a bit later, DH goes to work early and finishes at 4:30 so picks DD up from childminder at 5pm), I WFH one day a week to do the school run, and grandparents picking up from school one afternoon a week.

• in cab! Not in a can!!

I cut my hours down. currently took on more due to dh redundancy. Shift work helps a lot as I'm a nurse.