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Original poster

If you were 44 and found out you were pregnant?

688 replies

HillsHaveEyez · 05/02/2021 21:00

Would you have it?

I’m not asking for advice for myself. Just interested in whether you personally would go ahead with a surprise pregnancy at such an advanced age.

OP posts:
Five67Eight · 06/02/2021 00:05

Am mid-40s.

TableFlowerss · 06/02/2021 00:05

@VinylDetective

I bet there are plenty of older mums who feel sad for younger mums having all the responsibilities of having kids at a young age, because they'll never experience that feeling of youth, in their 20's, travelling the world, not a care in the world. The only concerns is what town to stop off at on the next leg of the trip! Just the sheer thrill of complete and utter independence, no responsibilities, the flush of youth that one will never get back

That’s a very idealised - and unrealistic - view of youth. These days someone in their 20s is more likely to be establishing a career, worrying about money and trying to save a deposit for a flat than taking a grand tour.

I did all my travelling and started my adventures in my late 30s. Independent, established career, responsibility for kids behind me and a shedload more money to travel in style. A lot of the women my age with little kids were deeply envious.

But was it not more difficult financially assuming you had your kids late teens? It stands to reason you wouldn’t have been seeking a significant amount at 20 and a young child.... must be difficult not having the financial security you had in your late 30’s....
TableFlowerss · 06/02/2021 00:06

earning not seeking

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Misbeehived · 06/02/2021 00:07

Yes in a heartbeat

Reinventinganna · 06/02/2021 00:07

Personally I wouldn’t choose to be pregnant in my mid forties but if I found that I was I would go ahead.

MyFavouriteIsWhoeverlsQuietest · 06/02/2021 00:07

Well, I did.
But it is hard.
I quote Danny Glover a lot.

Inkpaperstars · 06/02/2021 00:08

I think the most interesting answers to this question, for me anyway, aren’t from people who are ‘past the baby stage’ or who had a cut off of 35 and managed to have children by that time.

I would like to hear from people who didn’t make their ‘cut off’ but decided to stick by it anyway and not be an older mother.

It’s easy to say oh gosh no when you’ve been there and done that and it all worked out much younger. Stopping to think what would be involved in the decision to reject older motherhood if you hadn’t managed it earlier is much more complex. Though I have no doubt many still would say no.

Inkpaperstars · 06/02/2021 00:10

[quote HillsHaveEyez]@RainingBatsAndFrogs

The point of my question was idly musing on what other women would do if they found themselves pregnant at 44, after having a pregnancy scare at that age.

I think falling pregnant unexpectedly at 44, for a lot of women, can be frightening in the same way falling pregnant at the other end of the fertility window - say, 18 - might be. I was interested in others take on it.[/quote]
For what it’s worth my attitude would always have been the same, if I had got pregnant as a teenager I would have kept the baby, as I would at any age.

amusedbush · 06/02/2021 00:12

DH and I are both 30 and very much leaning towards ‘no’ on the topic of children. We’ve agreed to leave it on the table until we’re 35 and if we haven’t changed our minds by then, that’s it.

I like my life and I’m very comfortable with the idea of enjoying it ‘just us’ so the idea of a baby arriving in my mid 40s is a bit scary!

VinylDetective · 06/02/2021 00:14

But was it not more difficult financially assuming you had your kids late teens? It stands to reason you wouldn’t have been seeking a significant amount at 20 and a young child.... must be difficult not having the financial security you had in your late 30’s....

I was 21. We had no money but what you’re never had you never miss. Nobody we knew had any money. Times were very different in the mid 70s, people were happy with quite simple lives in those days.

TableFlowerss · 06/02/2021 00:18

@VinylDetective

But was it not more difficult financially assuming you had your kids late teens? It stands to reason you wouldn’t have been seeking a significant amount at 20 and a young child.... must be difficult not having the financial security you had in your late 30’s....

I was 21. We had no money but what you’re never had you never miss. Nobody we knew had any money. Times were very different in the mid 70s, people were happy with quite simple lives in those days.

I can imagine that’s spot on but times have changed now. Houses are a more expensive, there’s not as much social housing, so having kids in you’re early 20’s has it negatives as well as it’s positives.
ConeHat · 06/02/2021 00:19

I would but I had a child at 40 so it wouldnt be a huge gap. But if I had my last at 30? Possibly not. I have four kids so clearly a bit bonkers anyway. What's one more with 4 I think?

Dagnabit · 06/02/2021 00:20

I'm 44, almost 45 and no way would I continue with the pregnancy.

Anystarinthesky · 06/02/2021 00:20

I would definitely have the baby, but I would want to be sterilised so it coudn't happen again.

IdblowJonSnow · 06/02/2021 00:22

Maybe if it was my first and only.
Otherwise no I don't think so. I'm an older mum and I've been so exhausted by it.
Couldn't survive another pregnancy or child I don't think.

PeapodBurgundy · 06/02/2021 00:22

I'm 32 with 2DC I'd be gutted if I fell pregnant again now; the thought of such a big age gap would horrify me as well! Each to their own though, in theory I'd have a baby at 44, it's my two existing DC that would make it a negative for me

Chuckleknuckles · 06/02/2021 00:22

Definitely not. The idea of having another child fills me with horror as much as I adore my existing offspring.

Chutneywashisname · 06/02/2021 00:24

No.

I had my children quite late. I am now mid 40s with young children, the youngest is in their second year of primary
My body has started to slow down. I may be peri menopausal. I'm tired most of the time, I have gained weight that I can't shift, and I don't have the energy to shift. I'm snappy and I'm often not fun to be around. I find many things stressful, I suffer a lot from guilt and try to do too much. My favourite part of the day is when my children are in bed and I am finally alone with my thoughts and my mind can stop racing. The only way I can be alone is to stay up very very late which adds to my exhaustion.

I was also very concerned when pregnant with both my children. I was convinced I wouldn't have healthy full term babies at the end of each pregnancy.

I'm also terrified in case something should happen to me and my children will grow up without a mother.

I wouldn't even have to think about what I'd do if I got pregnant. I would absolutely not go through with the pregnancy.

PieandMash321 · 06/02/2021 00:26

I wouldn’t try to get pregnant at that age, I’m 37 and about to have our third and final child, I’m at the upper limit of what age I’d chose to have a baby, it was now or stop at 2. If I found out I was accidentally pregnant at 44 though I wouldn’t terminate, I couldn’t even if it wasn’t in the plan.

Mamanyt · 06/02/2021 00:28

Nope. But that said, I was bullied into having both of my DSs, and although I would not have taken a billon dollars for either of them, neither would I give you a plugged nickle (worth nothing) to have another one just like either of them. I just never was all gung-ho about motherhood, and would happily have gone my entire life without children. I didn't need that experience to make me feel fulfilled.

Let me also say that I love my sons dearly, and having known them, would not change that for anything. HOWEVER, if I had never known them, and if I did not know the people that they are, I would have been fine.

lookingsusbro · 06/02/2021 00:29

No I wouldn't have the baby. By the time I'm 44 my youngest will be 21 and there's no way I'd want to go back to the beginning with a newborn. I'm mid 30s now and can't imagine having the energy to look after a newborn in 10 years time and run round after a toddler after that.

Even if I hadn't been lucky to have met Dh and had children in my 20s I always had an absolute cut off for having dcs at 35.

IndecentCakes · 06/02/2021 00:31

I would need to accept it due to our personal beliefs but I am in my early 40's and do avoid conceiving very carefully now.

TheBeesKnee · 06/02/2021 00:32

I would. If for no reason other than the birth rate in this country is woefully low Grin

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 06/02/2021 00:34

Yes. I did. And have DS2 (8) to show for it.

danadas · 06/02/2021 00:35

No. I had my children young and would not want teens in my 60s. I am 37 and wouldn't want a baby now that mine are adults/ reaching adulthood even.

However that is purely because of my circumstances. If I was just starting out with family/young children I would probably say yes.