Why do people care so much the weight of others?

[simmeringexistentialdread]

Thread after thread after thread on here...discussing weight.

Lots of...'genuine question..why can't people just lose weight when they know it worsens covid outcomes/increases the risk of poor health etc?'

My question is why do you care?

I never see the same strength of questioning directed to the myriad of others with self-inflicted illnesses.

Why are there not the same amount of threads asking why people can't stop smoking, stop drinking to excess, stop engaging in risky sexual behaviours etc...

If it's a matter of overweight people 'being a burden on the healthcare system', well all the above are as well!

But really, why do you care about someone else's weight? These threads run into several pages, and it's just people constantly saying that 'oh, obese people could lose weight if they wanted to, but they just keep trotting out excuses' or similar.

But why are you even on this thread hypothesising potential reasons and berating overweight people. Would you also go on thread where someone has asked why people keep smoking when they know it can cause lung cancer/COPD/ hypertension....and say 'oh, people can stop smoking if they want, they just choose not to'?

I'm just wondering why these weight threads provoke so many opinions from people.

I think it may be because for some people staying slim is relatively easy , for a few of my friends and folk I have known being slim is really important to their identity and self image , so these people are genuine shocked and confused as to how and why someone could get so fat
I was listening to a scientist talking in radio 4 about eating habits being in the brain inherited from ancestors who experienced famine v interesting

I managed to give up smoking and not that fussed about drinking so whilst I appreciate addiction intellectually I am bewildered by those who don't stop during pregnancy

But I am obese and feel the full force if society shame and blame

What's that all about?? - it is interesting

It's been something that has gone on for ages - my Mum brought me up in the 60s/70s to believe that fat people were lazy, undisciplined, greedy and usually lower-class. This caused her severe cognitive dissonance when I grew up to be hard-working, disciplined - and quite fat. She was never so happy as when I lost weight, and continued to be concerned about my weight until she died - she was convinced I had a 'medical problem'. She on the other hand was very very thin, probably connected with the fact that she she smoked like a chimney - which was a common way for women of that generation to keep slim. She died relatively early of a smoking-related illness.

@Whyistheteacold

Why do people care so much the weight of others?

I don't?

Op, if you are that concerned that there are not enough posts berating users for other forms of self-harm mentioned (i.e smoking/over-drinking/risky sexual behaviours) then why not start a new thread?

People who have risky sex, why don't you just sort your mental health issues out? Can't you just get over the sexual abuse that led to you engaging in this risky behaviour

You could solve mental health problems one coping mechanism at a time op!

What a weird reply. I darn think OP means that more people should berate those with other issues more, just pointing out that there is a double standard. No one needs to comment on anyone else's health issues that do nothing directly affect them.

@GlittercheeksOakleaf

I read that as pure projection - you feel disgust and therefore think everyone else does too.

I don't feel disgust at fat people, or think they are lazy, greedy, selfish or anything else - but I still don't want people to be fat.

You don't have to believe me but it is true. I have examined my own thoughts on it.

@MilkTwoSugarsThanks

Oooh, that's an original angle, blaming fat people for the fact that you have to pay very slightly more for some things.

Nothing to do with cost. I have a bad physical reaction to the artificial sweeteners.

Ok sorry, got carried away with the thread.

Hamster. It's no good everything you do will be judged as you judging

@hamstersarse fair enough if you don't feel that way but plenty of MNers do. I've been using MN since 2006, I've read some appalling fat threads in that time (moth to a flame and all that!) and I've read all those things and worse.

@Highfalutinlootin I suppose those with a superiority thing would judge all those other people too. I think having excess fat on your body is just a visible thing. You can't see if a parent spanks their child and you may be working with someone who's a serial cheater without any clue.

When I was thin, people called me anorexic (I wasn't. I was very heathly abs a size 10). I was shamed for eating healthily and exercising.

When I was fat (size 22) I was told I was disgusting and going to die. Shamed for eating too much.

I often wonder what size people would like me to be and what I could eat that would make them happy.

Then I realise people are wankers.

I think women have been taught to be afraid of being fat and of fatness so much that it's almost felt to be the ultimate sin and it's very visible.

I think some women fixate on this and sometimes they comment things like 'can't you just lose weight' as a way to distance themselves from fatness or because they've struggled to stay slim that they can't see why someone else isn't fighting the 'good fight' too.

Idk just a theory.

@CorianderBee

I think women have been taught to be afraid of being fat and of fatness so much that it's almost felt to be the ultimate sin and it's very visible.

I think some women fixate on this and sometimes they comment things like 'can't you just lose weight' as a way to distance themselves from fatness or because they've struggled to stay slim that they can't see why someone else isn't fighting the 'good fight' too.

Idk just a theory.

I think there is some truth in that. Indeed to take it a layer back from that...women want to be attractive (please let's not dispute this basic fact) because they (usually) want to mate.

Obesity is not seen as being attractive - for many reasons, but it boils down to the fertility aspect and the production of a healthy child (we cannot dispute that obesity and fertility are problematic)

So there are probably very deep underlying reasons why most women do not want to be obese and feel a level of disgust at themselves (made even worse by the current narrative around willpower - all driven by our christian cultural heritage which sinned 'glutonny'). Fertility and attractiveness to a mate is probably a very deep reason for why women are afraid of being fat.

The bit which doesn't make sense there though is that women are constantly competing for mates amongst each other, especially when younger, and you'd have thought that slim women would be 'happy' that their competition are obese, puts them up there in the hierarchy! So slim women berating obese women doesn't quite add up, unless as you say they are reflecting their own fears onto the sight of an obese woman.

(And yes, this has the appearance of being sexist because only talks about women, but the reality is that men do not have to compete on looks as much as women - they also compete on status, strength etc)

But really, why do you care about someone else's weight?

I think peoples weight and appearance generates a very visceral reaction in people. Whether we like to admit it or not people judge people based on appear. We can rationally overcome those judgements but often the "first" reaction is that, a reaction, not a controlled thought.
Being overweight is seen as unattractive and in some people seen as an indicator of the person's personality.
What I don't understand though is even if you have an uncontrolled thought, why the hell does anyone's rational side feel like those are true reflections of that person and something to that is ok to voice.

@Bixs

And yet you have started another thread to discuss weight

Not really; OP wants to know why other people are so keen to discuss other people's weight.

I haven't an answer for her because I'm blowed if I know why other people's personal information is so fascinating to everybody else.

I haven't an answer for her because I'm blowed if I know why other people's personal information is so fascinating to everybody else.

Because there are lots of nosey arseholes in the world who can't wait to give an opinion on someone else's life.

I am spectacularly self absorbed. I couldn't give a shit about what anyone else looks like or does. I barely even notice other people. I'd be shit at having to give police a description.

But there are many people who thrive on sticking their noses into other peoples lives and being absolute cunts in the proceeds. I don't understand it at all.

Also, try going from fat to thin to fat again like I did.

The relief on some people I knew when I got fat again was palpable. I'd got back in my pigeon hole and was the fat one again. Phew! They could then feel better that they were thinner than me once again. When I was thin there were whisperings that I must have an eating disorder.

It's fucking terrible really.

Weight makes other people feel good. Most people are insecure about they way they look. If someone is fatter then it makes them feel better about themselves. They can point out that the fatty looks worse than they do! Hooray! Then they can feel superior for a while. All quite pathetic, but human nature.

(I really don't like other people, can you tell?)

Why do so many women on MN ask people to comment on their weight?

I may be self deluded, but I don't think I ever comment if not invited to comment. Maybe the odd comment about others where weight is relevant "She's afraid she'll hit the ground hard if she falls off her bike" or "He's built like a tank which will scare burglars off".

Because people like to see themselves as "better" and it's an easy target. Usually for those who don't have weight issues and therefore can't or don't want to understand that for many others it simply isn't as easy as they think.

I personally think that unhappy people do it. They're not happy with themselves, for whatever reason, and have to take something very personal related to somebody else and cause damage if they can. It's a bit like cutting only the blood is somebody else's.

These sorts of people are always looking for somebody's toy to break and they're not happy unless they are breaking it. Sad.

Don't know why I was deleted, what I said was true. Lots of people think that people who have excess fat on their bodies are lazy, selfish and lots of other negative things. Some of those people have posted those things on MN, thinly veiled as concern for the NHS and society as a whole.

Fat is seen as a moral failing by some. Excess fat on a body is a visible weakness, to some people it signifies lack of self-control and to those people, they feel superior because they can control themselves. They don't care or don't understand or don't accept that the reasons behind obesity and morbid obesity are complex, multi-layered and incredibly difficult to overcome.

The covid situation has made it worse in a way, some people seem to think we'd all be living a normal life if it wasn't for people who have excess body fat.

I agree GlittercheeksOakleaf, obesity is seen as a moral failing and is the most visible one so an easy target. I experienced it from a surgeon 2 years ago being treated for varicose veins and being repeatedly and contemptuously told to lose weight by the surgeon. I don't know what he said to the 2 much slimmer women he also treated on those days, one of whom said it was her second treatment.

God knows I am as fullof prejudices and negative opinions as anyone but I do not think I have any right to express any of them publically or even privately. I do feel a bit guilty for recently commenting on another thread but I was trying to offer only emotional support.

@GlittercheeksOakleaf Your last comment probably got deleted because you said it was a moral failing; you are currently saying some see it that way. Quite a different message.

It's frustrating to see so many people slagging people off for their weight. It's not as easy for some. My weight has crept up and up slowly over the years and there's abs nothing I can do to stop it. I eat healthily 99% of the time, work out at least 3 times a week and walk a lot every day and have an active job. Literally have salads and veggies as meals and always well under 1800 cals. I burn about 4000 a day but my body just doesn't lose weight. I've just hit bmi 36 but I am size 14-16. It's not just as simple as telling someone to lose weight. I bet my body is healthier than a majority of the judgy ones who are naturally slim. But no doubt they won't believe me anyway they never do.

Because fat people are at the bottom of the fucking heap and it's still considered acceptable to say so. The health concern is mostly thinly veiled disgust with a bit of scapegoating thrown in - at the moment, it's linked to Covid and the idea that it would all have gone away by now if all the fatties would just stop "placing a strain on resources", but given the state of NHS funding there's really no time and situation where we can't be made to shoulder the blame. It's certainly easier than criticising the government, or even the NHS itself for the way it spends its money.

In answer to the "taxpayer's money" question, whereby so many people seem to resent having to put funds into the system where it might be used to help a fat person - you do realise that taxes aren't like a personal savings account where you only pay in so that you can withdraw funds from later to pay for things that you personally need? And even - horror - that fat people usually pay taxes too?

I'm fat. I've also been working and paying my taxes since I was 17. I'm 42 now, and in all that time I've never been hospitalised, never claimed any benefits, never needed any long term healthcare. But if circumstances were to change, I would be just as entitled to access those things as anyone else. I might add that my taxes also go to fund many things that I'll never use, like nursery places and schools, and healthcare for smokers and alcoholics, and hospitalisation for anorexia sufferers. That's how life works if you want to be part of a reasonably enlightened democratic society.

The old "but the nhs" whinging gets on my nerves too.

I'm very fat, but maybe it would make people feel better to know that I've not darkened the doors of the nhs for many years. I've used my private healthcare for everything and even pay to see a private GP since I deregistered from the NHS 20 odd years ago.

So they can shove that one up their bums.

I'd rather people were honest and just said they thought I was a fat, lazy bastard. Not use the nhs as an excuse to "worry".

People care about the weight of strangers need to take a step back, and really examine the underlying reasons why they feel the need to hypothesise about the eating habits and health of said strangers.

I think the uncomfortable truth is that they'll realise it's coming from a place of disdain/judgement, rather than any real concern regarding said persons health.

Before anyone starts a thread asking why others can't lose weight/comments on said thread, I think they should take minute to examine whether they'd start a thread asking why...people do any of the other things I mentioned above. If not, why is weight the exception?