Why do people care so much the weight of others?

[simmeringexistentialdread]

Thread after thread after thread on here...discussing weight.

Lots of...'genuine question..why can't people just lose weight when they know it worsens covid outcomes/increases the risk of poor health etc?'

My question is why do you care?

I never see the same strength of questioning directed to the myriad of others with self-inflicted illnesses.

Why are there not the same amount of threads asking why people can't stop smoking, stop drinking to excess, stop engaging in risky sexual behaviours etc...

If it's a matter of overweight people 'being a burden on the healthcare system', well all the above are as well!

But really, why do you care about someone else's weight? These threads run into several pages, and it's just people constantly saying that 'oh, obese people could lose weight if they wanted to, but they just keep trotting out excuses' or similar.

But why are you even on this thread hypothesising potential reasons and berating overweight people. Would you also go on thread where someone has asked why people keep smoking when they know it can cause lung cancer/COPD/ hypertension....and say 'oh, people can stop smoking if they want, they just choose not to'?

I'm just wondering why these weight threads provoke so many opinions from people.

Very good point OP, I often think the same. We don’t get endless addict bashing threads on here (and for a lot, obesity is the result of addiction) for others it’s medical conditions that make it hard to maintain/lose weight. I think it’s a small minority who genuinely don’t care they’re overweight and can’t be bothered to try and take care of it.

@HyggaeHugger

I think it’s just quite common 🤷‍♀️
And yes, the NHS strain is an obvious problem, but it gets personal. I can’t invite my friend out for a walk, the only thing we can do right now, because she can’t walk very far. And I don’t want to make her feel worse about herself.

It’s very complex but one thing I know for sure is we should be supporting people not to be so ill. And it does make you ill. My friend was relatively ok until she hit 50 and that is no age to have your life so limited.

[quote hamstersarse]@HyggaeHugger

I think it’s just quite common 🤷‍♀️
And yes, the NHS strain is an obvious problem, but it gets personal. I can’t invite my friend out for a walk, the only thing we can do right now, because she can’t walk very far. And I don’t want to make her feel worse about herself.

It’s very complex but one thing I know for sure is we should be supporting people not to be so ill. And it does make you ill. My friend was relatively ok until she hit 50 and that is no age to have your life so limited.[/quote]
Oh I agree am not saying we should deny obesity is a potential health danger

I guess I see it as a health issue rather than a moral one? If a celebrity or someone admits to having battled another type of eating issue or self harm, people often act as though they brave and beautiful to have come through it but obesity is seen as a character weakness?

Why do you care about people who care about the weight of others?

@OrangutanLibrarianGivesAnOok

Why do you care about people who care about the weight of others?

That's a good question, actually!

I agree addition to food can be as devastating or more than drugs or alcohol, we need food to live so you can never go cold turkey.

My dad is in constant denial about his weight, he's on blood pressure medication, has a bad knee and many other health issues as a result of his weight and he's been told in no uncertain terms by HCP he must lose weight but he's a secret eater and can get through 1000 calories in the night. We've tried everything to support him and it's hard to watch.

So I suppose people feel upset and angry. But yes I broadly agree with you. There's a physical representation of the addiction in a way you don't get with drugs, smoking, alcohol etc

@HyggaeHugger
I don’t think obesity is a moral issue, far from it.
Indeed, I hate the moral judgements on people, I know it’s complex, but it’s actually really hard being around people you care about gradually killing themselves. That sounds selfish....but like I said in my pp, it’s frustrating, and why I liken it to other addictions which harm your health.

I'm just struggling to understand the discrepancy.

Imagine someone starting a thread along the lines of....

Why do people keep drinking to excess when they know it may lead to an early death/liver failure?
Why do people keep smoking despite knowing that it may cause lung cancer/emphysema/foot amputation due to peripheral vascular disease?
Why do people keep engaging in risky sexual behaviours despite knowing it may lead to HIV/pelvic inflammatory disease/genital warts etc?

I bet the posters who start these 'why won't people just lose weight despite knowing the potential risks' wouldn't think to start any of the above threads. I'm particularly thinking of all the 'weight and covid' threads, filled with posters who can't understand why the entire population doesn't suddenly have a BMI below 25 despite knowing that excess weight increases covid risk.

It's almost as if they can understand that it's not straightforward, and that people do not necessarily do what they know is best for them, due to a multitude of complex factors. Yet there seems to be an overwhelming blind spot when it comes to weight.

[quote hamstersarse]@HyggaeHugger
I don’t think obesity is a moral issue, far from it.
Indeed, I hate the moral judgements on people, I know it’s complex, but it’s actually really hard being around people you care about gradually killing themselves. That sounds selfish....but like I said in my pp, it’s frustrating, and why I liken it to other addictions which harm your health.[/quote]
It isn't the people in this thread though who are judgy, it is just a general trend I have noticed these days. It used to be there was a sense of people being extremely obese must have issues so we were to have pity but now I see obese people being scapegoated and shamed and I can't see how a celebrity with anorexia or who self harms is brave and beautiful and a fat person isn't ??

I think because it's much more prevalent for many people. Lots of relatives on one side of my family struggle with weight and have spent years on diets etc. I know one family member with a drink problem but it was very taboo.

@simmeringexistentialdread

I'm just struggling to understand the discrepancy.

Imagine someone starting a thread along the lines of....

Why do people keep drinking to excess when they know it may lead to an early death/liver failure?
Why do people keep smoking despite knowing that it may cause lung cancer/emphysema/foot amputation due to peripheral vascular disease?
Why do people keep engaging in risky sexual behaviours despite knowing it may lead to HIV/pelvic inflammatory disease/genital warts etc?

I bet the posters who start these 'why won't people just lose weight despite knowing the potential risks' wouldn't think to start any of the above threads. I'm particularly thinking of all the 'weight and covid' threads, filled with posters who can't understand why the entire population doesn't suddenly have a BMI below 25 despite knowing that excess weight increases covid risk.

It's almost as if they can understand that it's not straightforward, and that people do not necessarily do what they know is best for them, due to a multitude of complex factors. Yet there seems to be an overwhelming blind spot when it comes to weight.

Exactly this

Self destructive behaviour is self destructive behaviour

There shouldn't be some kind of hierarchy

@doadeer

I think because it's much more prevalent for many people. Lots of relatives on one side of my family struggle with weight and have spent years on diets etc. I know one family member with a drink problem but it was very taboo.

I suppose it is harder to hide

The uncomfortable truth OP is that it is just so much more 'visible' than most other public health issues, especially now that smoking in public places is banned

You can hide the fact you are an alcoholic, addicted to prescription painkillers or having unprotected sex with random strangers but you can't hide the fact you are fat

I'm not saying that is wrong or right but it's impossible not to notice if you are surrounded by obese people and this tends to lead to speculation about the dangers of this and the implications for society. Its much harder to judge other behaviour/ addictions etc but they aren't so obvious.

Like PPs I try not to judge individuals but I do worry about the impact on people's health

Agree that there are far more people with weight issues than there are alcoholics, drug addicts, gamblers etc. Also unfortunately it's out there for everyone to see whereas you may not know if someone had a problem with alcohol. I found out this week that one of the fittest women I know has a serious drink problem. I'm so surprised. You just wouldn't know it to look at her ever, unfortunately someone with a weight issue, it's there for the world to see and comment.

Swingometer Snap!

It's an interesting question. I think that I have different reactions to extremely overweight people e.g. can't leave their house to those who are 'everyday overweight'. The former I would see in the same way I see the addicts/alcoholics that hang around the park. I would feel sad and very sorry for them.

As for everyone else, I largely view it as their business? I do feel worried for my brother (overweight, smokes, drinks regularly if not excessively) and my good friend who is very overweight but otherwise healthy. I wish they'd lose weight but I don't judge them for it.

But I do think we need to think more about it as a nation. There are debates to be had about overeating and it's causes in just the same way as smoking and drinking. People did discuss the smoking ban in pubs endlessly. Pre-covid, people talked about drunks cluttering up a and e, middle aged women drinking too much. I think weight is harder because there's huge variability in normal healthy body sizes and shapes. Body positivity is so important but we still need to be able to talk about weight as a health issue.

@MoMuntervary

It's an interesting question. I think that I have different reactions to extremely overweight people e.g. can't leave their house to those who are 'everyday overweight'. The former I would see in the same way I see the addicts/alcoholics that hang around the park. I would feel sad and very sorry for them.

As for everyone else, I largely view it as their business? I do feel worried for my brother (overweight, smokes, drinks regularly if not excessively) and my good friend who is very overweight but otherwise healthy. I wish they'd lose weight but I don't judge them for it.

But I do think we need to think more about it as a nation. There are debates to be had about overeating and it's causes in just the same way as smoking and drinking. People did discuss the smoking ban in pubs endlessly. Pre-covid, people talked about drunks cluttering up a and e, middle aged women drinking too much. I think weight is harder because there's huge variability in normal healthy body sizes and shapes. Body positivity is so important but we still need to be able to talk about weight as a health issue.

I don't really see a lot of body positivity amongst the general populace. a few 20 somethings on Tumblr or Instagram posing in their underwear maybe but the fat acceptance movement seems very fringe and not a mainstream concept at all.

Because it gives them something to be self-righteous about. My sister is 'killing herself' with her weight. She's an adult. I am, too. I don't get on her about it because she's an adult.

It's easier to finger-point and hand wring or engage in toxic nostalgia than actually do things like not vote Tory, campaign for employee rights, parks, etc.

People who are so obese they can't leave their homes are very rare though and tend to make news headlines. It is still a sad horrific eating disorder even if person only weighs 18 stone and wears a size 20. disordered eating and addictions affect any size

I care because having been there I know most of them are unhappy..I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone. More generally obesity is an enormous problem in society.

We’re all bored at the moment, anything that affects coronavirus figures is a hot topic. Most people have experienced gaining and losing some amount of weight - often repeatedly - so they feel qualified to express an opinion.

Plenty of threads about alcohol lately, too.

@rawalpindithelabrador

Because it gives them something to be self-righteous about. My sister is 'killing herself' with her weight. She's an adult. I am, too. I don't get on her about it because she's an adult.

It's easier to finger-point and hand wring or engage in toxic nostalgia than actually do things like not vote Tory, campaign for employee rights, parks, etc.

Exactly! Society is broken! lets pick on obese, disabled, those on benefits, the homeless, refugees etc as a way to deal with the hopelessness seems t o be the order of the day

Fat people know they're fat

It doesn't affect your eyesight so you can't see that you're fat. Or your brain so you are too stupid to notice.

People pretend they're not fat but they know it.

@Toscanello

I care because having been there I know most of them are unhappy..I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone. More generally obesity is an enormous problem in society.

The unhappiness tends to come long before the weight goes on. The weight makes it worse. People overeat, refuse to exercise for a reason.

Fat is easier to pick on, you can see by looking at people they fat you can’t really tell if someone is a smoker (unless they Are smoking of course or a druggie alcoholic etc) my mum and sister always express concern about my weight (I know I’m over weight but it has been a long battle and I’m slowly trying to sort it out) but they never expressed concern about my health, it was purely about looks

@Pinkcanoftan

Agree that there are far more people with weight issues than there are alcoholics, drug addicts, gamblers etc. Also unfortunately it's out there for everyone to see whereas you may not know if someone had a problem with alcohol. I found out this week that one of the fittest women I know has a serious drink problem. I'm so surprised. You just wouldn't know it to look at her ever, unfortunately someone with a weight issue, it's there for the world to see and comment.

I am sorry Pinkcanoftan, you are contradicting yourself by saying there are far more people with weight issues when you also state other issues - alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc - are not so visible. How do you know there are more fat people if other problem causing issues can be hidden as with your fit but problem drinking acquaintance?

Given that there can be a variety of 'problematic' behaviours existing together eg drug, legal and illegal misuse, and drink and gambling and sex addiction not to a mention a prediliction for dangerous sports and activities or a genetic pre-disposition to certain illnesses how can you be so sure 'weight issues' are so dominant?

Any or all of these problem bearing people may also be fat or obese to a greater or lesser extent. But as you do say people (Including medical types) see fat people with a problem so they blame fat people. It's obvious and it's easy and,dare a fat person say it, it's lazy.