Do you know anyone who did the "I'm just going to the shop to buy a paper" thing and who then disappeared forever?

[AliceAir]

Another thread on here reminded me of a girl I was in school with years ago. Her mother apparently popped to the shop to but some potatoes and never came home, and was never heard of again.

I'm not meaning people who have met with foul play but people who have decided to disappear and then done so.

My friend's mum did this. She had four kids with two different Dads. Disappeared when the youngest was 5. A few years later she got in touch to say she was alive and living in Florida. My friend's Dad continued to look after his stepkids as well as his own two for a bit but then lost custody of them which broke his heart. He shot himself in the end. My friend has done ok for herself but she has all sorts of trust and relationship issues so I think it did fuck her up pretty badly.

I hope this isn't insensitive but I was wondering (generally - not expecting you specifically to answer) in what way someone can officially be 'missing' as an adult if the police know you are alive and safe? Do they carry on looking for you?

No you can’t be “missing” if the police confirm you are safe and well. A note will be put on your records not to tell family where you are, if that is your choice, but the missing file will be closed.

My Dad is 78 today. His Mother went to the shop when he was 3 and he didn't see her again until he was mid 40s. She got on a boat to Australia and didn't look back.

My stepdad’s mum sent him and his sisters off to school one day, and when they got home she’d gone. He had to grow up quickly (oldest child) as his dad worked long hours. He says he felt like he’d lost part of his childhood looking after his siblings (think he was 11/12). His sisters tracked her down many years later (in their 50s) but he refused to see her, and I don’t blame him. She died not long after.

As someone whose dad didn’t disappear but wasn’t that interested in me (divorced parents) it breaks my heart to think of any child treated like this.

My former stepmother - when she was a teenager her family were moving house. On moving day morning her Dad said he was just going to buy more cigarettes. Never came back. Never saw or heard from him again. Turns out he was running two families - he had another woman and three children in a different city who had no idea of his other family and vice versa. None of them ever heard from him again.

A guy I was has school with was just a wee baby and his mum disappeared. Just got up one morning and left. Very sad.

I have a great uncle who had sold his house and car secretly and disappeared. No one knew it was happening, he was an older man who was very settled and had visited his mother the day before with plans to bring her some tomato plants in a few days. When he didn't show up she sent round her daughter, my aunt, and she found the sold sign outside the house. Many years later he was found through a PI search and he'd moved to a tiny town in rural italy with a different name and a wife.

@Lucieintheskye
Did you ever find out why he went without telling anyone?

I've read a lot of heartbreaking threads on Mumsnet but this one hits differently.
I can't imagine the worry, confusion and devastation of those left behind.

I'm so sorry to all of you who have been affected by this.

Wow, this is so sad.

22:22Blackcountrychik
How was her baby found?
Was the baby ok?

22:24AliceAir
Did you ever see her again?
How many children were left behind?
How did you cope?

During lockdown l got chatting regularly to a neighbour while walking. In her 70s now. She told me that when her 4 dc were very young her dh disappeared and she never heard from him since. Lovely grown up family now but no idea where dh is. It was a big struggle for her and by her conversations l could see it has impacted her entire life.

My grandfather's brother went out one day and never went home. Leaving his wife a single parent to 14 children.

He turned up 20 years later as a lollipop man. A kindly old chap with 2 sons in their late 20s.

I worked with someone about ten years ago whose husband had just disappeared one day. It seemed to be that he'd been seen somewhere and there was some bank transaction that showed he was alive, but he hadn't made any contact at all. They had three children. She didn't talk about it much at all but had just had to get on with it.

My mum's sister went missing, she trained up 7 years later.
I personally think she was either in prison or in a psychiatric facility.
No one has ever asked her where she's been, no one's allowed to ask her, I think my mum worries it will trigger her to disappear again.

Yes, a family member. Young, whole life ahead of her. Nipped out one day and called her parents to say they were going to get her (no idea who) and she had to go. Car was found and handbag but no wallet or keys and was never heard from again. Would have been about 15 years ago now - cards were never used again. Parents are convinced she'll return.

My mother's parents split up when she was a child in the 1940s. DM saw her dad occasionally over the next few years. Then one day, when she was 13, her dad arranged to meet her. However, he didn't turn up and she never saw him again. She's in her 80s now and I don't think she's ever got over it.

My step sister is a Detective Sergeant and she told me it’s very difficult to disappear completely in the UK. And every investigation she was involved in regarding a missing person was pretty much sorted within a few weeks. One way or another.

When I was a child, our neighbours packed up and did a moonlit flit in the middle of the night, kids and all, emptied the house and disappeared. They had seemed like a normal happy family but apparently the dads business was heavily in debt and they were running from that. The people who eventually bought the house had problems for a few years of people turning up to collect money / issues getting credit. All in very quiet leafy village!

01:07Pyewhacket

There's plenty of missing people on police websites - so they haven't been solved easily on most police stations around the country.

• there are

Pretty sure my grandma did this to her husband and 2 kids before meeting my grandad and having my mum and uncle. Don't think her husband treated her well and it finally made sense as to why my grandad had a different surname to them (guessing she was still married so couldn't marry my grandad

My granddad did it at least twice. He would disappear for years and years and then come back as if nothing had happened

My mother.

When I was a toddler I was staying with a relative for the weekend. When my relative went to take me home, my mother had just upped and moved away. I've never seen or heard from.her since. We do know she's alive though and I know the city that she now lives.