Poor, poor woman

[Mookie81]

Complete lack of support and nowhere to turn.
A terrible deed but I feel so sorry for her.
And where the fuck was her ex? Living in Spain while she was driven to despair.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9186243/Olga-Freemans-friends-reveal-agony-trapped-flat-son-loved-dearly.html

Dylan's death was absolutely horrific. So was the fact he lived his last few months with a carer who couldn't offer him the care he needed, couldn't cope and was slowly going mad.

In failing Olga, everyone failed Dylan too. How could one person provide enough care on their own to meet the needs of this unique little boy?

@MessAllOver

Dylan's death was absolutely horrific. So was the fact he lived his last few months with a carer who couldn't offer him the care he needed, couldn't cope and was slowly going mad.

In failing Olga, everyone failed Dylan too. How could one person provide enough care on their own to meet the needs of this unique little boy?

Absolutely agree. Even the person who helped out for a few hours packed it in quickly because they couldn’t cope with his care needs. Yet the local authority and Dylan’s own father seemed to think it was ok to leave Olga with no support or respite for months, not even so she could fucking sleep. She was so desperate she literally lost her mind and killed her own child. There are just no words.

namityname change I think life had become torturous, she could not see things beyond the hell they were both trapped in. It is a very painful , very close to home issue for a mother like myself to discuss.
I have no doubt you will also agree with me that mercy is no longer used as an acceptable excuse and yet as a society we allow crimes against disabled people such as :

• recent DNR orders put on the notes or learning disabled people on hospitals during the pandemic .

• chemical abuse of autistic children and adults such as that which killed healthy young autistic sportsman Oliver McGowan whilst his parents’ desperate please ring medics were silenced.

• the long term detainment of autistic children and adults in Autism Referral Units where they are often kept in solitary confinement sometimes only passed food through the door.

• lack of any meaningful variety of state funded educational provision for autistic children despite the broad variety of abilities across the spectrum.

• lack of social opportunities for autistic children abs their parents ( for these families life is a permanent lockdown with so few places they feel welcome and l comfortable to visit.

• the way autistic adults with severe needs can be left to manage with such little input or compassionate mental health support such as can be seen to lead to other dreadful tragedies I could cite in the recent press.

I am sure all of those lamenting this little boys’ death will also stand up to condemn these other nightmares which potentially lay ahead for Dylan.

I said earlier , this thread is one of the most upsetting and triggering conversations I’ve ever been on
And that’s purely from my perspective (and not having direct parental experience of the issue)

I totally agree that for anyone with direct experience , it’s going to be even more harrowing to read

I’d hope people can tone it down , read posts , take a step back from responding too aggressively

Having compassion for Olga and Dylan , and understanding how painful this is for parents to read shouldn’t be mutually incompatible

Sorry for the typos I am angry and upset who isn’t?

And no murder with mercy as an excuse is not condoned in the civilised society we live in which condones all I have listed above and headed by Boris and playmates things will only get a great deal worse unless we all shout about these injustices.

And yes it’s all triggering but as a mother of autistic children I think about these issues every day- I cannot escape them. Instead of thinking about my childrens’ weddings, graduations etc this is the future which flashes before my eyes as I watch my beautiful children playing, singing, spinning, flapping , jumping or crying, lashing out, throwing themselves in the floor- this is what flashes through my mind. Yes it’s triggering.

I won’t tone down my outrage.

@Sunsun21. I am so so sorry about how you are feeling and the fears you have to face. I hope that if anything good at all comes out of this, it is that we never again leave parents trying to do their best for these vulnerable children to suffer alone and without any support. I have my doubts, though.

It’s not just the deprivation of sleep it’s what a mother can be dealing with during the night in this situation not excluding: screaming, self harming, soiling, aggressive behaviour , repetitive noise, destruction of things, aggressive behaviour , emotional upset. This can take place throughout nights at intervals , she sleeps, she wakes , she sleeps , she wakes,- all the time dealing with this stuff and watching her only boy suffer

This is untenable, really. Good post but confronting. I’ll be honest and say that, night after night, I don’t think I could do this. But what would the alternatives be?

For the posters who really profess to care about kids like Dylan may I make some suggests of positive action you might take:

1. Write to your MP about the case and the lack of support during this pandemic and more widely for disabled children and their families.

1. Volunteer for a charity like Homestart shd offer to volunteer with such a severely disabled child.

1. If you are a parent - invite a disabled or autistic child in your child’s school to a so ism event or party after the pandemic - my children had only ever been invited to one party in 6 years. Social isolation is

created by us all.

1. If you see a child having a “ meltdown “ or displaying other perceived anti social behaviour when out in the supermarket or elsewhere do not tut or stare ( yes this does happen frequently). Perhaps ask the mum if there is anything you can do to help ( push her trolley to the till for example). These experiences mean that it is very very stressful to go out and staying inside alone becomes preferable.

You might also...

1. Look up the death of Oliver McGowan and support his mother Paula’s campaign for about mandatory autism training for medics .

1. Look up autism referral units and what had been sanctioned as treatment for children and adults such as solitary confinement. If it makes you angry write to your MP, write to the newspapers, write shd shout.

1. If you are able donate to a charity supporting vulnerable disabled children snd their parents.

Do not simply condemn the mother abs imagine that your love for your child was greater than hers, so not label her as mad and evil and turn away.

I have been reading articles on Facebook about this and the comments on there are very telling.

The harshest comments about the mother are invariably from men...posting shit like, don't have kids if you can't look after them. Despite the fact most of them wouldn't have lasted a day in Olgas situation.

Just proves that caring is very much a female issue. Women are expected to cope regardless...it makes me so angry.

nolongersurprised the point is that if you desperately loved your son as this mother no doubt did and you had no meaningful support from the father you would have NO CHOICE but to cope with this, cope witn it until you broke .

Unless: appropriate care and respite were provided including overnight and funded by the state consistently as it should be in such cases.

Brilliant post @Sunsun21 👏👏👏👏

Thank you @Sunsun21... Great post.

There will be a serious case review and I have no doubt that it’ll clearly highlight significant failings from multiple agencies. Dylan lost his life at the hands of his mother but systemic failings contributed. We - as a society - need to take a long and hard look at ourselves. I guess it’s easier to shrug and say “well I coped and didn’t harm my child, she’s a murderer!” rather than admit we are part of a society is that doesn’t do enough for vulnerable people.

Like many others i read the article with a heavy heart. I cannot even begin to imagine how this mum despaired about her situation. When it was announced that schools were closing again there were many, many posters on here sharing the struggles they faced in lockdown with children who have additional needs. It was heartbreaking and thier distress was loud and clear. I cannot understand how anyone can be so callous about Olga when they have no idea of her pain. I am a mental health nurse and it makes me both angry and sad that this woman was let down by those around her. A horrendous situation.

We can spend money on vanity projects like that bridge/park over the Thames, the environmental nightmare that is HS2, give public funds to an American businesswoman Boris once Bonked, buy boxes of useless cheap PPE but not pay for essential services for our most vulnerable which prevent this kind of tragedy or the long term mental health crisis everyone likes to talk about abs nothing more. We don’t need to pay another Cronie to be Minister for loneliness we need to fund essential services which provide care abs prevent dire isolation for so many families. There is a magic money tree built by our hard work for this very purpose and pillaged by this government . And we need to pay nurses age carers and mental health workers enough to feel valued by our society and not that they are the unappreciated frontline in this pandemic.

@Sunsun21

We can spend money on vanity projects like that bridge/park over the Thames, the environmental nightmare that is HS2, give public funds to an American businesswoman Boris once Bonked, buy boxes of useless cheap PPE but not pay for essential services for our most vulnerable which prevent this kind of tragedy or the long term mental health crisis everyone likes to talk about abs nothing more. We don’t need to pay another Cronie to be Minister for loneliness we need to fund essential services which provide care abs prevent dire isolation for so many families. There is a magic money tree built by our hard work for this very purpose and pillaged by this government . And we need to pay nurses age carers and mental health workers enough to feel valued by our society and not that they are the unappreciated frontline in this pandemic.

Word for word 👆👆 I have never felt so disillusioned with my career as I do now. And it's because of systematic failures like this

If anyone cares to I am sure the following charities which are a huge support to families like ours and at least one of whom I know were involved with this family would greatly appreciate any donations at the moment:

Kids
Skylarks
Express CIC
Challengers

💐

Thanks @Sunsun21. I have reduced nursery hours and no family support atm (like lots of people - not a complaint!), so not much I can do practically to help just now. Making a donation is one thing I can do - will look into it.

Sunsun21 for PM! Thank you for saying what needs to be said.

💐🧍🏻‍♀️🙏🏿💐🧍🏻‍♀️🙏🏿🧍🏻‍♀️💐🙏🏿🧍🏻‍♀️💐🙏🏿🧍🏻‍♀️💐🙏🏿

I will write to my MP
Thanks for that tip

@Sunsun21

namityname change I think life had become torturous, she could not see things beyond the hell they were both trapped in. It is a very painful , very close to home issue for a mother like myself to discuss. I have no doubt you will also agree with me that mercy is no longer used as an acceptable excuse and yet as a society we allow crimes against disabled people such as :

• recent DNR orders put on the notes or learning disabled people on hospitals during the pandemic .

• chemical abuse of autistic children and adults such as that which killed healthy young autistic sportsman Oliver McGowan whilst his parents’ desperate please ring medics were silenced.

• the long term detainment of autistic children and adults in Autism Referral Units where they are often kept in solitary confinement sometimes only passed food through the door.

• lack of any meaningful variety of state funded educational provision for autistic children despite the broad variety of abilities across the spectrum.

• lack of social opportunities for autistic children abs their parents ( for these families life is a permanent lockdown with so few places they feel welcome and l comfortable to visit.

• the way autistic adults with severe needs can be left to manage with such little input or compassionate mental health support such as can be seen to lead to other dreadful tragedies I could cite in the recent press.

I am sure all of those lamenting this little boys’ death will also stand up to condemn these other nightmares which potentially lay ahead for Dylan.

You missed out: young adults with physical or mental disabilities being placed in "old peoples homes" which are completely innapropriate for their needs because its the only place the council can think of; teenagers and even children with severe mental heal problems (often autistic) being placed in units sometimes 100s of miles from their parents against the parents wishes; I could go on. But basically yes, I 100% agree with you. I didnt mean to underplay how difficult Dylan's life was, it was only that earlier posters with children with Special Needs were I think offended by the implication that a child having special needs was an excuse for killing them, and I didn't think that was what posters were doing/saying.

I really think the pandemic has thrown a spotlight on the already disgraceful treatment of some of the most vulnerable people in society and I hope that there is enough outcry to lead to some improvement in the future.