Poor, poor woman

[Mookie81]

Complete lack of support and nowhere to turn.
A terrible deed but I feel so sorry for her.
And where the fuck was her ex? Living in Spain while she was driven to despair.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9186243/Olga-Freemans-friends-reveal-agony-trapped-flat-son-loved-dearly.html

I feel sorry for the child and sorry for the poor woman. It's dreadful.

Good for you @WitchesNest - good for you. If only this lady had been as strong and resilient as you in the face of such circumstances.

@porcelinaofthevastoceanss

Good for you *@WitchesNest* - good for you. If only this lady had been as strong and resilient as you in the face of such circumstances.

Aye!

Wish us all mental fortitude sufficient unto our tasks!

@BrumBoo

Typical MN madness a child is murdered in the U.K. by his mother, but it’s the father in Spain that is somehow at fault?

After this entire thread, how have you gone back to regressing the facts down without context? The father had responsibility to care for his child. He instead was hundreds of miles away getting all the sleep and rest he needed to not have a severe mental breakdown that lead to horrible consequences. He knew his ex wife was struggling horribly, he knew that would mean at the very least that his son wouldn't get the adequate care he needed. That's negligence at least.

He was in Spain working because that’s his job as a photographer. Furthermore they were divorced and he didn’t live with Olga and Dylan anymore because that’s what they and the courts agreed on. His responsibility was to uphold the divorce decree requirements. No more, no less. Besides, in August even if he had managed to convince authorities it was an essential trip to fly back, he’d have had to isolate for two weeks before he could go to their house anyway. He wasn’t in a realistic position to help personally.

Autism must be hard to deal with for all concerned, but to slaughter a child in such a traumatic way?
Appalling.

There needs to be much more support for the seemingly huge increase in autism.

It must be relentless, caring for a severely autistic child day in, day out with schools shut with no support at all.

That poor boy and yes that poor woman. She obviously wasn't in her right mind. What's the father's excuse I wonder?

If she had been capable of rational thought she might have called SS and told them to take him or (as I know others have done) drop him off at their office when she got to the end of her tether. But she didn't and she wasn't so yes massive sympathy for her.

I do think our society though Weds to judge hard those fathers who fuck off and leave the mother to it. Before this tragedy when people heard he'd moved to Spain the reaction from all Normal people should have been ' how can you do that and leave your son?' Fed up with society giving men a free pass and leaving women to pick up the pieces.

The report said that the child had lost his familiar routine due to covid, it may have been too disruptive for him to have his father step in and take over, who knows the whole story? 🤷‍♂️
It’s tragic that’s for sure though.

@TheSockMonster

Yet another show of the disgusting ableism in the UK

I do see what you are saying. Honestly, I do. Dylan had every right to a happy life. His life was every bit as precious as my own children’s lives. I have watched ableism gain even greater traction since this pandemic started and it’s terrifying. I don’t think that’s what is happening here though.

Feeling sympathy for his mother does not condone Dylan’s death, it recognises that it was a preventable death. Sympathy is not about shrugging our shoulders and writing it off as inevitable or unimportant, it is about learning how we can keep other vulnerable, precious, deserving of life and love children safe.

I think that might be part of the problem in these cases. Some children with severe autism or other disabilities do not have a happy life despite parents trying to do everything in their power to make it so. Imagine seeing your child in constant pain that you cannot make go away. This poor woman has been fighting for support for almost 10 years and has been ignored. It is not right but it is understandable how a sleep deprived and depressed parent with no support can conclude that death is the kindest solution.

As a society we should look at how to support people in these situations and learn from them rather than condemn.

But people keep saying they feel sorry for the Mother and Dylan as though Dylan's death was an after thought

If you can't understand that people have sympathy for both the mother and Dylan as separate people, even when mentioning them together, then that is your perogative to do so. Dylan shouldn't have died, I feel horror and sympathy in equal measure for anyone who's had their life forcibly taken from them - including this little boy who was abandoned by everyone but his mum, who in turn could no longer cope. What an utter disgrace. What shame we should all feel from this, that we cannot in the most desperate of times help the weakest of our fellow people - a child no less.

I feel so much sympathy for Olga, who was left in one of the most desperate situations imaginable with no help. It is not condoning her actions, it's recognising that they were completely avoidable if anyone had stepped in. No human should be broken in this way, society failed them both and they both paid the price. Dylan more than anyone, but Olga will never be free of it either. Yes I will feel sympathy for her when her son is mentioned, without it how can we possible learn from the awful mistakes that were made leading up to her taking her son's life? To only appropriate blame rather than recognise she was broken beyond any rational thoughts means we are accepting that parents should push through in all circumstances, which is simply impossible.

@YoniAndGuy

The disgusting thing is that I don't think any men have ever been pushed to this point, whereas so many women no matter what their backgrounds, level of education, MH status before kids, can probably relate.

The men bail out. Nine times out of ten, probably. The marriages fail, and the womens' lives change forever, their earning power gone, their lives one 24-hour care round.

The men bail and go on as before. Dean Freeman and his wonderful career is just one particularly sickening example.

Indeed.

Men can cut and run.

It is usually the mother left holding the baby...Literally.

I do feel sorry for her and think there were awful mitigating circumstances. But she did still kill a child.

Agree her ex is a disgrace for doing nothing to help too.

All those blaming the father hundreds of miles away, you’d probably heap blame on this poor mother who was mere steps away from her children but taking a shower when her husband snapped and slit their throats during lockdown.
www.ilfordrecorder.co.uk/news/crime/hospital-order-for-dad-who-killed-children-6662994

This blaming the father IN SPAIN for what his ex wife did IN UK is even more ridiculous.

What a vile creature the Dad is.

I feel for her but mostly for the child.

There will be victims of the circumstances of lockdown. I do hope this isn't used by Covid deniers and anti-lockdown folk as ammunition though. This is awful but so is every life lost to Covid, including those lost due to missed cancer treatments and late ambulances to accidents etc due to the NHS being so stretched. We can't have it both ways.

There was a You Tube video a few years ago featuring a single mother and her child who was just so wretchedly miserable all the time

He grizzled constantly and flopped about the place in a nappy, {It looked a hot climate where they were} aged about three.

Poor mother looked so drained and desperate.

The boy must have had some sort of issue to be so unhappy..Possibly Autism?

Day in, day out with an unhappy child would be soul crushing.

Maybe there is no respite care for children with these severe issues, just to give parents a break?

He was in Spainworkingbecause that’s his job as a photographer.

Olga had to give up her job, perhaps he should have considered the same. Perhaps she should have left their son with him whilst she had a travelling career?

Furthermore they were divorced and he didn’t live with Olga and Dylan anymore because that’s what they and the courts agreed on. His responsibility was to uphold the divorce decree requirements. No more, no less.

Not living together and living far away from your high needs child are two separate matters.

Besides, in August even if he had managed to convince authorities it was an essential trip to fly back, he’d have had to isolate for two weeks before he could go to their house anyway. He wasn’t in a realistic position to help personally.

He made lifestyle choices over the care of his child in a way the mother could not. I'm not getting deeper into this. We all know this is the truth of most women when a couple have a child with high/specialist needs, especially when they split. This issue is far beyond just this awful story, and reflective of more hidden horror stories when it comes to women's lives. It needs to be recognised as systematic injustice against women and their children, though this particular thread is probably not the place.

This blaming the father IN SPAIN for what his ex wife did IN UK is even more ridiculous

I think it's more a matter of what he didn't do which might have averted a massive crisis. Including coming back from Spain to offer support with his child.

PlanDeRaccordement He was in Spain working because that’s his job as a photographer.

Furthermore they were divorced and he didn’t live with Olga and Dylan anymore because that’s what they and the courts agreed on. His responsibility was to uphold the divorce decree requirements. No more, no less.

I think you're confusing the terms of a divorce settlement (which you're assuming, by the way) with a failure to look after your own children.

He was still the child's father; even remotely, he could have done so much more. He could have organised and paid for respite car, for instance. He knows the child's condition and how difficult it must have been for his former wife better than anyone, yet he chose to do absolutely nothing to care for his own son.

When he made the decision to move and work abroad, he will have known then that he would not have been able to contribute towards caring for his own son. There are plenty of photography jobs nearer than in Spain. We don't even know if he was willing to look after his son at all or what application was made by him in the divorce, but by the sounds of it, he got out of any responsibility at all by choosing to move to another country.

His responsibility was to uphold the divorce decree requirements. No more, no less.

No, his responsibility as a father was to his child. Whom he failed. This wasn't a case of a mother suddenly and unpredictably snapping and lashing out. This woman's desperation and mental deterioration occurred over a number of months and she repeatedly pleaded for help, including apparently from him.

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

No one is making excuses, a humane approach is to understand the psychotic episode and severe MH deterioration the mum experienced. As a result of a mental health crisis and external stressors her actions were out of character and she killed her son.

Stress
Sleep deprivation
Psychotic episode
Disrupted routine
..All contributory factors that unfortunately co-aligned with catastrophic results

Perfect post and summary.

There's never any black and white where someone taking a loved ones life is concerned.

This is why the law exists for diminished responsibility and manslaughter vs murder.

This is absolutely tragic and brought a tear to my eye for both mum and son.

mrsfrumble Yes that what struck me the father’s comments are so detached from obviously reality of situation. He clearly wasn't aware of his medical conditions and obviously hadn’t cared for the child for any length of time recently.
I feel so sorry for both the mum and the little boy. He had parental responsibility for him. It’s neglect and child abandonment.

It's not helpful to blame anybody. Nobody know the truth. Better to think of possible solutions.

Usually, the means of providing care is to increase the staffing ratio when necessary. We read that a carer had to give up taking this dear and much-cherished young man to the park because the carer couldn't cope with the behaviour. He was sorry not to have been able to do more. Perhaps a 2: 1 ratio may have meant that a park outing would have been possible. Care and staffing at an augmented level costs money. Who we blame for not making that funding available is another question.
I don't know the answer.

All those blaming the father hundreds of miles away, you’d probably heap blame on this poor mother who was mere steps away from her children but taking a shower when her husband snapped and slit their throats during lockdown.

More assumptions @PlanDeRaccordement. 'You'd probably blame'. Assumptions, assumptions, assumptions. Again.

Was Dylan miserable and distressed all the time ,I know the article says he howled like an animal ,my son screams a lot ,most of the time it's a happy shout ,yes of course he gets distressed ,he non verbal so he gets upset when I don't understand what he wants ,but he is generally happy