Poor, poor woman

[Mookie81]

Complete lack of support and nowhere to turn.
A terrible deed but I feel so sorry for her.
And where the fuck was her ex? Living in Spain while she was driven to despair.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9186243/Olga-Freemans-friends-reveal-agony-trapped-flat-son-loved-dearly.html

[quote Ladywinesalot]@unmarkedbythat

Why, because the truth hurts you?

Look at the stats, the people that are dying and in hospital are elderly (who rightly should be cared for)
And those that are overweight.[/quote]
Why, because the truth hurts you?

I'm sorry, I must not have made myself clear- you should be ashamed because your post is ridiculous bollocks that uses a tragedy in an attempt to promote a point of view based in ignorance. It is disgusting that you would do that.

www.cps.gov.uk/london-north/news/mother-admits-killing-10-year-old-son-acton

Excerpt:
In the week leading up to the killing, Freeman had spoken about saving the world and being a Messiah. In a voice recording she said: “This is my job: to sacrifice my beloved child to create a balance in this world.”
She was clearly very unwell mentally.

I hope Dylan did not understand what was happening to him. RIP Dylan.

@zymummy, so you would be able to completely avoid a mental breakdown if locked in a small space day in, day out with a frustrated, non-sleeping, barely mobile very, very high needs child. With absolutely no help, no partner, no family, no stop and no end in sight.

There's a reason why sleep deprivation is considered torture. No, not the boy's fault for having his condition, but no human being would choose to live in the conditions she was forced to by circumstance, left with zero choice. In any other situation, we'd consider the conditions she lived in to be abuse. Again, absolutely not the child's fault that this how her life was, but it was cruel beyond belief that she had no rest from it.

The one sentence I picked out from that article is

"On August 14, she had argued with Dylan's father, Dean Freeman, 56, who was living in Spain at the time, about her role in the boy's care."

So the day before she snapped, she had argued with her son's dad. I wish the court could have a recording of that conversation; what's the bet she pleaded with him to help and he refused.

I hope he enjoys his tattoo

@BrumBoo

Do you not think its awful that the disabled are so dehumanised

Whats awful for any disabled person is to be left with zero social care, to be forgotten by society like they're a pain to deal with along with the only parent giving them full care. That's dehumanising to the extreme. Imagine everyone around you pretending you don't exist because it's too difficult of a problem to deal with.

YYY

I cannot have sympathy. A pandemic has happened. You can't rely on schools and outside sources to give you respite of your children.

What about the child's father? Should you be able to rely on their father? Or is it all the mother's responsibility, even if she's mentally ill?

@Weegiesqueegee

If her child had been neurotypical the sympathy would have been with the child but because he was autistic the mother gets sympathy for murdering him. F*ck that. Too many autistic children are killed by parents who end up with the sympathy.

This.

Yet another show of the disgusting ableism in the UK.

You'd be disgusted at how many people who beg SS for help and are ignored @Viviennemary

Imagine that instead of mental illness Olga had stomach pains. Quite severe stomach pain that left her struggling to care for her son. She begged for help and investigation into the pain but was refused and ignored. She was left for months on end with pain getting more and more debilitating, unable to cope. No sleep and in constant severe pain and a very disabled child to care for 24 hours a day with no help. For months.
Theres such a holier than thou attitude to MH on this thread. I have XYZ to deal with but I didn't kill my child. It's like saying I have XYZ to deal with and get a mild stomach cramp now and then. The Mind is complex and vulnerable. What breaks one person merely dents another. No one is diminishing Dylan but stress and level of his disabilities and the lack of support during lockdown for his only carer led to his tragic death. His father was in Spain. When he was needed to physically care for his son on a very regular basis he was in Spain. If the neighbours were aware of how much Olga was struggling then he surely must have been too.

Shame on the father.

This is one of the only cases of child murder in which I have some empathies with the murderer and I never ever thought I’d say that.

I imagine in her exhausted, worn down, depressed state that she thought killing Dylan would be better than for him than going into the care of strangers who might do god knows what to him as she could no longer cope. Having a child with a disability (not as severe as Dylan’s) and having moments of terror of what will happen to him when I’m too old to care for him or dead, I can understand that fear.

I can feel absolute abhorrence at what she did but also compassion. It was not a simple case of dumping him on someone else, anyone else, when she’d got to the end of her tether and thought she might hurt him which is what I’d normally judge women who kill their children for not doing.

She asked for help. Her ex knew she needed help. Shame on him for not stepping up. Do we know when he last saw his son even? It pains me to say it but I judge him much more than I judge her.

It's absolutely heartbreaking. I hope the courts are compassionate to her. I'm only surprised that we don't hear more stories like it. And as usual the DH had fucked off and left her to it when the going got too tough and cramped his glam lifestyle.

CoronaIsShit I have the same fears for my disabled child. On one hand I hope I outlive her so she is not left to the mercy of state care. It scares me so much. She won't cope independently and it is such a huge thing to ask her siblings to become carers if I die. Please give up your job, your home and your life to look after your adult sibling.

I do feel compassion for the murderer for being at the end of her tether and lockdown being an excuse to dial back support to zero. I have plenty of friends in similar situation in local autism community with their higher need children. ( im autistic and so are my kids and its rough at the moment more than ever) Thankfully they havent all murdered their children.

Can I please ask, if there is only one thing you can do, those reading this thread who are coping with lockdown is reach out to those who have disabled children. Offer to go on a socially distanced walk or become part of a support bubble. Even just pop them a text. Olga lived in a community but was isolated.

I have every sympathy with her.

She BEGGED for help and got none.

Can you really not see that for even the most stable parent, that in itself would have terrified her?

No father to be seen. Almost worse than just disappearing, basically fucking off and pleasing himself at the same time as making all the right, utterly hypocritical noises about how much he loved his son. He utterly dropped the child - wanted some nice times, but none of the difficult stuff. Didn't even stay in the same country - made damn sure his lifestyle and his lovely photography career wasn't damaged or even compromised. She knew that if anything happened to her, Dylan would be on his own. I've no words for what a fucking disgrace this so-called 'father' was and I think he should be charged with neglect, quite frankly. He was as much a parent as her and he did FUCK ALL even when he knew she wasn't coping.

And then authorities. She asked for help. She said she wasn't coping. They - did nothing. What's the message there? No-one will help you and no one gives a shit about your disabled child and his future. No one cares if he's ok.

So add on her mental state.

He was going blind.

You honestly cannot imagine how her thought processes ended up as 'He would be better off out of this'?

I can.

She tried her hardest, 24 hours a day, for a long long time while she gradually got more unable to cope, and for every one of those days that fucking shit of a so-called father was swanning around Spain taking photos, knowing what her life was like and not giving one tiny shit, not even feeling that really he should be at least basing himself in the UK for his child so that he could even see him regularly.

How dare he say he loved him. It must take a special amount of entitlement to put his face in public going on about his loss and how much he loved him and his memories. Absolutely sickening.

I’m the mother of an adult son who is severely autistic amongst a few other things. He’s at home with me but I now have a team of full time, live in, round the clock caregivers who help provide the 2-1 round the clock care he’s needed for about 10 years now. We couldn’t manage without them.

People talk about how difficult it is for the parents/loved ones/caregivers of our loved ones but I’ve always said that no matter how hard it is or can be for us it’s always harder for the person who is autistic etc.

Someone spoke earlier, perhaps on page 1, of how this story could have been written to reflect on the child who passed away instead of the slant it took and I absolutely agree with her.

And with regards to other posters berating the mother for what she did and saying they themselves manage ok and that they could never harm their child, all I can say is - in that case you’ve never been pushed near enough to the edge and some things are best left unsaid as you never know just what’s around your particular corner.

I feel very sad that the young boy is dead but I imagine life must have been hell on earth for him and I hope he’s at peace now.

I hope that mum also finds peace of mind and heart some day but I doubt she will and so her own version of hell on earth will continue.

@Anne1958

Your lovely compassionate post says it all, from a position of real understanding. Thread should end there.

@BrumBoo very well said. My son's needs are not as high as Dylan's. However, I have been basically ignored for years and received no support. Three years homeschooling because I couldn't find a school that would take my son. Trapped in the house day after day. Covid has only made the situation 10x worse. I am ashamed to say there were days when I considered stepping out in front of a car on our road, just to make it all stop. I was in a bad way. GP told me to just go to A&E if it was that bad and pushed more pills at me. I have turned a massive corner and would never have gone through with anything but I was at breaking point. My heart goes out to all of them. My ex is like her ex....never taken any financially or practical responsibility but just constantly will tell anyone that will listen how dreadful I am. Thank god I work in education and have been able to effectively advocate for my son which has resulted in a better life for us. This poor woman wasn't even in her own country trying to navigate a complex and unwieldy system.

Life might not have been hell on earth for him ,my child has severe autism and severe learning disabilities ,today's zoom meeting with school he was biting and scratching me because he didn't want to Join in ,right now he's running around shouting loudly happy as Larry , of course it's extremely hard work ,but people can't assume the child's life was all hell .

I hope Dylan did not understand what was happening to him. RIP Dylan.

She gave him a sleeping tablet, so presumably no.

[quote MegtheShark]@FamilyOfAliens and it’s me derailing the thread with pettiness is it?

I have already said that I forgot to post the quoted link of the post containing the link to that article, as that is who I was discussing.

If you want to disagree with me that is fine, but to naggingly quibble over a dyslexics posting error seems a bit tone deaf in light of the gravity of the discussion.[/quote]
Who mentioned pettiness? Except you?

And yes it’s a serious issue, which is why when you claimed the mother stabbed her child when she didn’t, you were challenged.

@Branleuse

I do feel compassion for the murderer for being at the end of her tether and lockdown being an excuse to dial back support to zero. I have plenty of friends in similar situation in local autism community with their higher need children. ( im autistic and so are my kids and its rough at the moment more than ever) Thankfully they havent all murdered their children.

She has not been charged with murder.

RTFT.

@YoniAndGuy

I hope Dylan did not understand what was happening to him. RIP Dylan.

She gave him a sleeping tablet, so presumably no.

Sadly melatonin is not a sleeping tablet, I take it myself, it does not have a sedative effect, it just increases the amount of sleep hormone in your body.

I do worry that her giving him melatonin could possibly be used to say this was a premeditated murder.

His father should be charged with neglect & failure to protect. Instead he'll get sympathy in this messed up country. Non resident parents need holding to account & forced, if necessary, to shoulder their share of responsibility

Agreed. Not a ridiculous comment at all. Why was he allowed to swan off to Spain and leave her to do all the work? Yes he is responsible too.