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Original poster

Did being a SAHM turn out well for you?

86 replies

MrsCremuel · 25/01/2021 11:45

Another one of these threads I know.

Are there any people out there who love(d) it/got back into work/didn't get shafted during a divorce etc etc?

I know the risks and do not underestimate them, but would like to hear the positives too.

OP posts:

doctorhamster · 25/01/2021 11:46

Yes, me. I went back to work (full time) last year after 12 years as a sahm. No regrets.

MacDuffsMuff · 25/01/2021 11:50

It did for us. I went back part-time when the youngest went to school and I retrained. Back to work full-time when she was 8. No regrets - that was the plan all along.

ChippyDucks150 · 25/01/2021 11:51

I did. I was a SAHM for 9 years. I loved it, and it was a necessity as my ds is autistic and struggled a lot when he was younger. Still happily married, so I can't comment on the divorce aspect. I've been back at work (not quite full time, but not far off it) for 3 years now and while I love working, I'm so glad I had my time at home with my dc.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

Plonque · 25/01/2021 11:54

No, it has its plus points, obviously, with childcare and such but, depending on your situation/friends/family/location/job before - it can get incredibly lonely, isolating and cause resentment in your relationship.
You need your own identity and your own income. I wish I had realised that!

southern82 · 25/01/2021 11:55

Didn't quite work out for me. My DS has SN so he needs me at home, but I've just gone through a divorce and I've been left with nothing. My career has gone and I can't see been able to work anytime soon.

GoodbyeH · 25/01/2021 11:55

You'll get the same comments as most SAHM threads get.

Do what you want OP. Look at the risks. Look at the positives. Weigh them up. Decide what you want for yourself and family.

These threads always go the same way. The same debate goes round and round.

Original poster

MrsCremuel · 25/01/2021 12:05

@GoodbyeH I know I know. I'm going round in circles and a glutton for punishment.

I really don't care about my job anymore which I part of it I think.

OP posts:

WunWun · 25/01/2021 12:07

They'll only be positive stories until they're not! Two years ago I'd have posted about how wonderful it was. Now it's a very different story.

WunWun · 25/01/2021 12:08

I hated my job too, which was a big part of why I became a SAHM. What I wouldn't give for that job back now.

GoodbyeH · 25/01/2021 12:16

[quote MrsCremuel]@GoodbyeH I know I know. I'm going round in circles and a glutton for punishment.

I really don't care about my job anymore which I part of it I think.[/quote]
What are your circumstances at the moment? Are you pregnant and working?

I hated my job too. I've hated every job I've ever had!

There are pros and cons. Write a list of both so you can see it in front of you. And don't have to keep circling it round in your head. Come up with solutions to the cons and see where you go from there.

There are so many variables and outcomes. You'll never know what will happen until it happens. And you'll never know if the other life would have worked out as you'll never live it!

MyDiamondShoesAreTooTight · 25/01/2021 12:17

I think the things you need to think about are...

Is my DH/DP etc happy for me to be a SAHM and will not feel resentful about being the sole earner?

Am i expected to go back to work when the youngest starts school and if so would i be able to go straight back into my field of work with no problems?

Would i be expected to pick up after everybody? Will my partner see everything in the home as my job and therefore do sod all when they are off work?

Do you i know a few SAHM or does everyone i know work and therefore it will be a long boring day most days for me?

CigarsofthePharoahs · 25/01/2021 12:18

So far so good. Mine are 10 and 6.
Not sure how we'd cope with lockdown if we both worked as neither of us would qualify as key workers if I still had my own job.

Wishiwasrunning2 · 25/01/2021 12:18

I was SAHM for around 3-4 years when DC were tiny. Kept up a work network and got back into nearly the job I wanted to when I chose to, took one more move and I'm back where I hoped to be and recently promoted.

Do what's best for your family and maintain a positive outlook, don't let your confidence decline just because you step out of the job market for a while.

Original poster

MrsCremuel · 25/01/2021 12:35

@southern82 that sounds very tough. I hope things look up for you soon.x

OP posts:

Insert1x20p · 25/01/2021 12:42

I think it depends on a lot of things and any one factor can turn a positive into a negative, or rather significantly increase or reduce your risk- including

If you're married?
What job you do- some sectors have more defined pathways for returners than others or have a permanent skill shortage which means its easier to get back into.
if you have any assets of your own to fall back on
if you enjoy spending all day with your kids- you probably won't know until you actually have them (sorry- dont know if you already have yet).
if you have spare cash to enjoy being a SAHM.
what your childcare options are.

soundofsilence1 · 25/01/2021 15:57

Not quite the same but I have found 14 months of maternity leave with 2 children very tough, very tiring and very isolating. I have just started back 15 hours a week and am so much happier and enjoy my children more having a bit of space from them.

Lockdowns probably have not helped though, maybe in normal times being a SAHM would be more enjoyable.

Heysiripissoff · 25/01/2021 16:05

I've been a SAHM for 18 years, bar a couple of periods of part time, min wage care work.

I didn't have a career before my eldest, just a crap admin job with no prospects. So there was no point in paying someone more than I earned to look after him so I could do a rubbish job. Ex h super duper career always came first. We were well off, but then I got shit over in divorce.

Remarried, have two more children. Went back to college but as it turns out, a health and social care BTEC is a little pointless - no care home gives a monkey'a so it was just min wage, going nowhere
Jobs again, part time around new DH super duper career - you get the picture.

If I had my time over again it would be very different I can assure you.

I do love being with my children though. I don't think I could have worked and put them in nursery.

So it's a catch 22 for me.

Toddlerandtwinstobe · 25/01/2021 16:05

Literally all my friends parents, and my parents have been SAHM’s at some point.
For probably about 5 years. All were fine getting back into work. We are literally going to be working till we’re 75 at this rate!

I’m probably going to be a SAHM after my twins are born, I think honestly from real life experience it works for a lot of people.

Bringonthebloodydrama · 25/01/2021 16:09

Not for me. Did it for 5 years and most of the time I felt like an unpaid slave. Was bored and unfulfilled. I prefer kids when they're older and got lonely and exhausted spending every day with babies and toddlers.

They're all at school now and I'm retraining. Love having my own thing and love my time at home as a result.

lockdownbreakdown · 25/01/2021 16:11

Did it for three years then went back part time to a higher level position than the one I left. That's the charity sector for you though. Money is always crap regardless buy I'm glad I took the three years off as I couldn't have coped with the sleeplessness and my old job.

OverTheRubicon · 25/01/2021 16:19

I loved my brief period as a sahm, and my maternity leaves. I find toddlers fun, and my.work was really intense, so never got the feeling that working was easier than being home - at least as a SAHM I could get lots of house jobs done during the day like.laundry and food prep so that night time was more relaxing, and I never had to worry about kids home.sick from.school and nursery. I wanted to keep going for years and years more, at least until my.3rd child started school.

However then dh got very sick, then very depressed, then moved out, so I'm lucky that it wasn't a huge career break after all. Still miss it, though, but wasn't meant to be, i guess

Sahm can be lovely, for people who have lots of savings, highly demanded qualifications, likely inheritances, tiny living costs, partners who will never get sick, leave or die, or just a higher risk threshold. I don't think we.can compare our parents' generation as living costs including housing in particular were lower than they are now, and the competition wasn't so intense for the kind.of jobs that women returning from a long break might be eligible for.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 25/01/2021 16:19

No. We split up while I was a SAHM and I was forced onto benefits as we had no assets (house was rented). Never again.

OverTheRubicon · 25/01/2021 16:21

@Toddlerandtwinstobe

Literally all my friends parents, and my parents have been SAHM’s at some point. For probably about 5 years. All were fine getting back into work. We are literally going to be working till we’re 75 at this rate!

I’m probably going to be a SAHM after my twins are born, I think honestly from real life experience it works for a lot of people.

I don't think it's helpful to look at our parents' generation, both the employment market and the housing market in particular were so different then.

Daisypaisy2 · 25/01/2021 16:23

@WunWun

They'll only be positive stories until they're not! Two years ago I'd have posted about how wonderful it was. Now it's a very different story.

Very true.

Tiggles · 25/01/2021 16:23

I loved it.
Spent10 years at home with elder 2. Was planning to go back when youngest was 3, but saw ideal job when he was 2 and I was starting to get bored of being a sahm so he wasn't getting the best from me. Applied got it and quickly moved from low paid position to being a manager. Since retrained and started new career.

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