Mother -daughter terf v transgender defender

[Happylittlethoughts]

I know there is no answer here. I just feel very sad . On the topic of Biden being a good move for the USA, I commented "Unless you are a woman- or mensrtruator"
Well my daughter and I clash over TERF - versus Transgender defender. She stormed out and I feel very sad . We are very close except for this issue so I guess it jars a bit more . I feel horrified she will let Women's Rights be eroded this way. I guess its just a no go area, but I feel despised in that moment for stating my view.

I get you OP, my dd and I clash over this issue, I love the fact that she is so accepting of people and the way they want to live, I just cant make her see that hard fought for womens rights are being erroded slowly but surely, I have pointed out that I would have removed her as a teenager if she had been told that she should share single sex spaces with an intact male who told everyone he was a girl, she thinks I'm being 'dramatic'.

Thank you for answering Thebabe. This is it... she's a totally caring girl who is a great defender of rights and I am so proud of that . Perhaps until the reality of the situation presents itself in everyday life she won't see it.
For now she won't listen to anyone for a second on the subject. Her friendship group are all very adamant that anyone with a differing opinion is a transphobe and vile and prejudiced. Cancel culture.

Step away from the debate. It's really not that important and you'll alienate your daughter.

My three daughters all share your DD's views. They get it from social media. American wokeness. No nuance.
I have said my piece, now I mostly keep my peace. Hopefully sense will prevail

What is TERF?

Everyone is entitled to their view and you knew you were bringing up a subject you disagree on. I'm not sure what you thought was going to happen but it wasn't constructive.

TERF stands for trans-exclusionary radical feminist. It's not an accurate label as radical feminists believe feminism is for women, ie females, so transmen would be included in it - but the sticking point is the refusal to accept transwomen as female.

It's thrown about all over social media as a slur. Follow this link for evidence: terfisaslur.com

You've brought her up to have strong views and opinions, occasionally you will have differing opinions.

You have to decide whats more important, your relationship with her, or making unnecessary jibes when she mentions something such as this.

I'm not sure I've ever known a feminist who is concerned about the erosion or Women's Rights to use an insult to refer to their belief. TERF is used primarily by people with the opposing view, as an insult.

*of

Same here my daughter and I vastly disagree on this subject she says I have nothing to fear from transgender people I agree if they are transgender I have nothing to fear neither does she where we clash is the removal of sex based rights which puts everyone at risk from people who are not transgender she would give everyone who wanted it surgery and hormones i asked if that includes her baby brother who took years to work out he was a boy (just as the world decides it doesnt matter) she scoffs and said no he knows he is a boy yes because we (her included) spent a long time TEACHING him a gender stereotype she refused to continue a conversation about that

We haven't got into the whole lesbian with a penis conversation I think that's between her and any future partner she has

She only got like this after she left for university who knew education could be so restricted in views my views are children are children and should play with whatever toys they choose have long or short hair as they choose learn to cook clean and play adult views on gender should not enter into that existence her views now are twaw reality is what they say it is you cannot write what you haven't lived 🤔 (anti Harry Potter) and her views narrow every year she lives away

I'm always here when she wants to come home

We rarely bring the subject up and avoid it as I said... but by the same token I won't be silenced in my own home Shindiggery and it came up today.
The TERF reference is what she labels me , not me! Ffs

I dunno that was a v helpful comment OP, given the wider context of trump. If I were her I’d have found it deliberately provocative.

I adore her and we have a loving and close relationship. She is kind and never aggressive in words or actions... its just such a diversity of opinion.

@Happylittlethoughts

I adore her and we have a loving and close relationship. She is kind and never aggressive in words or actions... its just such a diversity of opinion.

Exactly but im sad to say they will only learn from experience and that experience may or may not be terrifying my daughter says she will be fine she is always with her friends one day she might not be with her friends but I can't tell her that because apparently that's unrealistic

Thankfully my dd agrees me me on this, but she has the problem that all her friends have bought into it. Including , sadly a lesbian friend who was not stereotypically “feminine” and so now believes she is a boy and wears breast binders.

her views now are twaw reality is what they say it is you cannot write what you haven't lived 🤔 (anti Harry Potter) and her views narrow every year she lives away

@Theunamedcat it really is a narrowing of views, isn't it - or actually, a switching off of critical faculties. Because even those views you mention clash with one another - one the one hand, everyone is whatever they say they are, but on the other hand, woe betide any author who writes about something they haven't personally experienced. How can those ideas be reconciled? Is it OK for me to write a novel about a Chinese family if I say I feel Chinese inside?

Sorry you're all dealing with this. I'm just hoping this will have gone away by the time mine is that age.

She's young, she doesn't have the experience to really understand the issue yet, its much rarer for young women to comprehend the issues or, if they do understand them, to feel secure enough in themselves to recognise the issues. Give her time.

My Mum and I clashed on this, but in the opposite way. She has a close friend who is a transwomen and was horrified when I mentioned my views on self ID etc. She has gradually come round to my way of thinking, I’m not sure what changed her mind though. I didn’t stop discussing it, but of course that’s a lot easier when you’re talking about a women in her 70’s, and not a young adult who doesn’t want to “back down”. If the subject ever came up, I would mention my concerns about care being provided by females only, when someone is elderly and needing help or their in hospital. Initially she used to say I was “being ridiculous” because of course transwomen who self I’d would never be able to insist they be treated as female in terms of their work as HCP’s. Like I say I don’t know what changed her mind, but nowadays she sends me articles in support of my stance, and is just as concerned as I am about the future for her grandchildren especially.

My eldest ds is the same with his views. Arguing re the erosion of womens rights is seen as terf. We do not discuss it really anymore. We are aware of each others views but prefer not to get into arguments about it. Otherwise very close. :)

If you want to continue discussing her talk about how vulnerable female prisoners usually are, the stats on how many are victims of sexual assaults etc. When you've got her feeling for them ask if they should be locked up with convicted rapists.

Thank you fir your responses. Im glad I'm not the only one. I suppose generational clashes are as old as time itself. I hope she does at least consider the opposite view point with time. It just made me sad today that we hold such opposing views and there is such acrimony surrounding them .
She's amazing, I love her. I'd never never let it be an issue that would come between us in any magnitude

It's fine. She can wait until she's in a gym getting undressed next to some 6 foot "woman" with "her" dick out or goes for a smear test and has the speculum administered by a trans woman and maybe then she'll start to come to her senses.

She stormed out because she cannot articulate an argument with any logical underpinning. The whole ideology depends on shutting down discussion and name-calling.

I'm forever grateful that my 19 year old DD and I share the same gender critical views. It's a major issue for me and I honestly don't know what I'd do if DD went down the TWAW rabbit hole.

I guess you just have to hope that as your daughter grows older she realises the issues and the material reality of being a woman hits home.