Things on MN that aren’t real life (LIGHTHEARTED)

[Summersun2020]

Thing on Mumsnet that you’ve only ever encountered on Mumsnet (lighthearted...please don’t bowl in with “well I do that actually”...ignore or add one of your own!!

People not using fabric softener...appears that on MN people in their droves think it stinks and is devil juice (I don’t know anyone IRL who is so vehemently against it/gets a migraine from the smell?? Surely it’s not that strong?).

any sort of noise in your garden at any time-kids on a trampoline, playing a radio at a normal level, etc. Completely normal everywhere I’ve ever lived- a cardinal sin on MN!

@OverTheRainbow88

All weather playground visits...in the rain when I drive by playgrounds where are all the mumsnetters with their kids in puddle suits?

I am that mum... but mostly because our house is tiny, our toddler is rabid, and I’m not a fan of mess indoors 😂

'DH earns £120k and I earn £65k part time, but we only ever go on holiday in Devon, and we camp because it's cheaper. We can't afford to go abroad.'

Your children MUST eat eggs for breakfast, as cereal is 'shit in a box'

Diluted OJ is a 'treat' 🤮. Undiluted OJ contains so much sugar your child's teeth will fall out on the spot. Apple juice is only allowed at Christmas, (very small glass only!!)

Everyone eats a 'massive salad' for lunch and dinner.

That if a DH has a friend who happens to be female then he is shagging her or wants to shag her.

The amount of "screaming" people seem to do. The cashier screamed at me, the other driver screamed at me, my DH screamed at me. No they didn't, they raised their voice slightly.

Sobbing and shaking.

Oh God yes, nobody’s husband is allowed a female friend!

Social class. MN is obsessed. I don’t think it’s ever come up in conversation in real life, but there’s a thread a week here.

@SirGawain

Man hits woman: LTB Woman hits man: You didn't hit him hard enough. (nb. This was actually the general consensus of a thread yesterday).

Also

OP - My DH said something not very nice about me to his friend.
MN - LTB! He is a disgrace! He is scum! Kick him out! Change the locks!

OP - My DH is annoying me, AIBU to bury him under the patio?
MN - I can lend you a shovel! Any room for my DH? Next door are getting theirs done, I was thinking about it too!

Surprised no-one has mentioned that on MN everyone has a Batchelors, Masters, PHD and MBA.... in real life it's such a small percentage that even go to Uni, even nowadays, and certainly not 25-50 years ago when most of MN were born.

@Spidey66

Social class. MN is obsessed. I don’t think it’s ever come up in conversation in real life, but there’s a thread a week here.

I actually had it👀 I know someone who manages tow ork into many conversations anything about tories and how he came from working class so he needs to work more etc. It's fascinating!

That when dogs are out for a walk they MIGHT possibly urinate on a pavement/verge/tree. This is unacceptable to Mumsnet and you should immediately soak the affected area with white vinegar and bicarb.

When was the last time you were eating your lunch off the pavement!?! You are going to lose your shit when you find out what foxes and badgers do...

Oh and the larger your tv, the lower class you are. I sometimes imagine mumsnetters and their entire families clustered around a 14" black and white portable in the living room of their £2m London house.

Endless maternity leave. I had to go back at six months as did all my friends.

Independant school choice options.

Cats crapping everywhere is sinful but keeping indoor cats is cruel

When someone makes a comment in real life its not instantly exaggerated and picked on

@katy1213

The pyjama thing. Is that why no-one ever answers the door? Feuding with mothers-in-law. Takeaways at least once a week. That are still seen as a treat.

I answer the door in my PJs. They cover the same skin as jeans and a t-shirt would so I'm not overly bothered.

Surprised no-one has mentioned that on MN everyone has a Batchelors, Masters, PHD and MBA.... in real life it's such a small percentage that even go to Uni, even nowadays, and certainly not 25-50 years ago when most of MN were born.

Don't forget that only Russell Group universities count though.

There is also apparently a very high proportion of the UK's top earners on Mumsnet hmm if you believe what people claim to earn

Start a thread asking how a person can live on the average wage and you'd think the vast majority of MN live in poverty and spend £20 a week on feeding their family of 6 and live quite comfortably thank you very much.

Oh yes yes to the RG uni thing. I remember being super proud of earning my degree from the OU at the age of 43. I then made the mistake of spending 20 mins reading through a thread discussing unis on here, where the OU was dismissed as 'useless' and a degree from there 'worthless'.

Blocking your DP, exDP, MIL, FIL, friends .... it must be virtually impossible to get hold of most mumsnetters as they have blocked everyone on their phone.

Keeping your child rear facing until they leave home I know lots of people with toddlers and only a few of them were rear facing beyond circa 2. There was one person I know that rear faced until three but they couldn’t wait for DC to forward face

• Never putting an under 2 into childcare yet also not giving up your job in case your husband leaves you

• springing out of bed at 6am and immediately doing some Montessori craft with your toddler instead of sticking them in front of teletubbies whilst you have a coffee and wake up....

• saying ‘fed is best’ before going on to list the ways in which they really don’t think it is.....

I hate scented fabric softener. I hate it. It stinks and makes me feel sick. Some people are sensitive to smell, some aren't. Plug in scented chemicals also make me feel sick as does strong perfume. Scented candles make my eyes sting and water.

I won't answer the door either, unless I'm expecting someone or a parcel.

Yes to the weird eating, especially with kids. Grown women eating tiny amounts of (only) healthy food and kids never having chicken nuggets, chips and peas for dinner or chocolate cereal. This is nothing like anyone I know in real life. My kids eat freezer-to-oven dinner at least 3 times a week, they are still alive.

People who moan that they’re skint because they “only earn £60,000”.

People who have never shouted at anyone, ever.

People who have never had to force their toddler to get into their car seat/brush their teeth/leave the playground. Because they reason with them, you see.

@greybluegreen

I hate scented fabric softener. I hate it. It stinks and makes me feel sick. Some people are sensitive to smell, some aren't. Plug in scented chemicals also make me feel sick as does strong perfume. Scented candles make my eyes sting and water.

I won't answer the door either, unless I'm expecting someone or a parcel.

Clearly isn’t the thread for you then- you are free not to comment!