Things on MN that aren’t real life (LIGHTHEARTED)

[Summersun2020]

Thing on Mumsnet that you’ve only ever encountered on Mumsnet (lighthearted...please don’t bowl in with “well I do that actually”...ignore or add one of your own!!

People not using fabric softener...appears that on MN people in their droves think it stinks and is devil juice (I don’t know anyone IRL who is so vehemently against it/gets a migraine from the smell?? Surely it’s not that strong?).

any sort of noise in your garden at any time-kids on a trampoline, playing a radio at a normal level, etc. Completely normal everywhere I’ve ever lived- a cardinal sin on MN!

I am confused by the people that earn 100k+ and still can't afford a holiday. Must be all those private schools fees

@dayslikethese1 yes to this one too! And the cleaner and the nanny of course

When a woman says she can’t work as she can’t afford childcare and is bombarded with responses saying her husband should pay half the nursery fee.

Doesn’t matter who pays, if the childcare cost is more than she could earn the family is going to be worse off aren’t they

Never answering the door unless the person knocking has sought written permission and given at least 3-5 years notice @Ostryga

Fkin hell 😂😂😂😂

Cleaners clean, they don't tidy. Every cleaner I've had for the past 20 years has tidied, otherwise I'd have no use for them.

Yes, this. there was a thread recently where the vast bulk of posters were horrified that a cleaner was doing washing for the OP and when the OP was saying she was tired of her washing being ruined, they all claimed she had no right to complain because she shouldn't be asking her cleaner to do the washing anyway they also all conveniently ignored that the OP had, in fact, asked the cleaner NOT to do the washing

The pyjama thing. Is that why no-one ever answers the door?
Feuding with mothers-in-law.
Takeaways at least once a week. That are still seen as a treat.

Yes, the cleaner thing is weird - like they'll be mortally offended if you ask them to pick stuff up. I mean, they might, it's their prerogative. but if I was getting paid per hour to clean and tidying up was part of that, it'd be a total no-brainer. It's hard to clean without tidying a bit anyway!

Having only being on here such a short time I'm going to say almost everything I read, examples being

Try harder with homeschooling it really isn't that difficult.

I can't wait to see you lose your job (ie being a total utter cow to other people online aka keyboard warriors)

Telling anyone who wants to know they are a disgraceful person for not keeping their child at home, not wearing a mask, shopping x2 times a day, daring to step foot in home bargains.

I've concluded 3 things from this. The individuals are genuine and are actually nasty people in RL, the individuals are extremely introverted in rl but have strong views and get some kind of outlet coming online telling people off or 3 - they are 45 year old balding middle aged men who get a kick out of being arseholes to women

@SchrodingersImmigrant
Thank you for asking but unfortunately unlike an allergy to stuff a sensitivity to stuff can’t be helped. If anyone knows any different or has tried something that helps please let me know! Some things don’t bother me at all which is weird but when they do they really do, a recent one for me ( which is a worry because it’s a bit of an escalation) was having to run out of a shop in York selling spices and mixes because I was scared I was going to be sick in the shop due to the overwhelming mixture of scents. Individually the ones my DH stayed behind to buy were fine back home, I don’t really understand it all myself.

People insisting it’s the norm a young toddler uses the term vulva..

Recent thread the other day insisting you stand in the shower and don’t wash with soap.

That your dog should be on a lead literally ANYWHERE that isn't your own home. At all times. Because all dogs off lead are out of control killing machines.

Everyone with an SUV lives in the country and needs one to transport their enormous brood of children and pack of dogs through endless rough terrain/winters.

Yeah jog on, living in an estate on the edge of Hereford is not the same as the Highlands. You bought one because you wanted one, hardly anybody here actually 'needs' one, why lie about it.

Competitive presents.... "My 15 Ds Alfie was over the moon we bought him a pomegranate for his birthday, he immediately went to his room and started drafting letters to overseas aid organisations asking how he can donate the seeds.... “

Tokophobia / emetophobia. Never heard of either before coming here, but both are hugely common on MN.

• Everyone earns 100k (or at least 75k) "because they have worked damn hard" and everybody else could if they just worked hard enough (absolutely no luck, privilege, being in the right place/knowing the right people ever involved)

• if you dont bath or shower at least 3 times a day, change your clothes and wash them after 2 hours of wear, and wash towels and bedding daily, you are an absolute minger and MN will be able to smell you from next door.

• you are never allowed to feel tired or overwhelmed in any circumstances because the average MN went back to work 6 days after their youngest of 5 children was born, their husband worked abroad and they never had any help from GPs, and they cooked all meals from scratch.

• you are an anomaly if you eat carbs every meal day and an alcoholic if you have more than a thimble of wine at Christmas and possibly your birthday.

• you are a childish drama queen if you would like party for your 40th birthday and are disappointed if your friends cant come.

• you never ever go out anywhere, have all shopping delivered and think this is the likely (and indeed preferable) situation for the next 48 years.

@Shamefulcorners

Putting vinegar in your washing machine because it’s better for the environment than fabric conditioner. Okay love, course you do

^^ Um, I actually do do this! Always have, and so did my mother

Wearing pyjamas all day. Perhaps it's generational or cultural but I don't know one person in RL who wears pjs in the daytime or allows their DC to do this; have only read about it on Mumsnet.

Ditto putting up Christmas decorations in November and taking them down in February

But don't the clothes smell of vinegar?

@Shamefulcorners
Wearing pyjamas all day. Perhaps it's generational or cultural but I don't know one person in RL who wears pjs in the daytime or allows their DC to do this; have only read about it on Mumsnet.

Maybe it says something about where I live but I see people and their children walking around in pjs all day.

Re pjs/pj bottoms I think lots of people are using them as a loungewear. I do. Much comfier than joggers!

Everyone should have a small wedding in a registry office with random witnesses and not spend any money on a special occasion in your life

Oh and if you have some extra cash and want to spoil yourself (with god forbid a designer bag), you shouldnt, you should give it to charity instead.

The belief that children and/or animals can never be utter unlikeable arseholes. That if either group do anything wrong it is clearly a problem with you/their parents/their owners and they are in no way responsible or to blame for any of it.

Obviously this CAN be true and often is. But children/animals have personalities and quirks just like adult humans do and sometimes they are just not very nice and you don't get on. This view does not make you Satan Incarnate who automatically hates all children/animals and who should immediately give your kids up for adoption and rehome all your pets.

Women with school age children can't work because there are so few jobs that work around school hours. I know plenty of part timers, but no one who thinks they can only work 9-3 or not at all.

TAs get school hours and school holidays but they also get shit pay so that £100k is right out of reach.

“I calmly told him…”

No, didn’t. You either had a screaming match or you muttered a few passive-aggressive comments then went to seethe in the other room for the rest of the evening while you thought about the clever things you’d have said if only you’d thought of them at the time.

The complete and utter obsession with class.

The sheer number of people with 3 or 4 degrees, plus a couple of Masters.

The neverending tiger mum threads.

The neverending 'Doggies are speshul and if he bit you it's your fault' threads.

*Today 14:41 ThatLibraryMiss

“I calmly told him…”

No, didn’t. You either had a screaming match or you muttered a few passive-aggressive comments then went to seethe in the other room for the rest of the evening while you thought about the clever things you’d have said if only you’d thought of them at the time.*

You win the thread

All weather playground visits...in the rain when I drive by playgrounds where are all the mumsnetters with their kids in puddle suits?

@OverTheRainbow88

All weather playground visits...in the rain when I drive by playgrounds where are all the mumsnetters with their kids in puddle suits?

I live near a park, it's deserted when it rains.